Much More Elegant Than a Flaming Sack of Shit.

So let's hypothetically say that AMB and I got into a feud with our hyper-religious* neighbor, based on the fact that he thinks we are wholly immoral degenerates because he has, on occasion, seen us drink alcoholic beverages on our deck**. Perhaps it's the alcohol, perhaps he is against decks, or perhaps he just doesn't like us. Either way, a grudge match has ensued.

Whatever shall we do?

Luckily, the folks over at FecalGram have just the solution. They will send anyone in America a gift box containing "100% natural, freshly squeezed, human-made turds***"...and do it completely anonymously. Guaranteed.

Poop flinging has evolved!


* Typical greeting goes something like this:
Overtly Religious Neighbor: "Hello! How are you?"
Unsuspecting Victim of Walk-by Preaching: "Good, you?"
Overtly Religious Neighbor: "Wonderful! I'm saved and am going to heaven! Can you say the same?"

** Also, one time I may have hypothetically laid out in my backyard in my bikini while he had the youth group from his church over painting his house and fixing the roof. However, to be fair to me and to balance out a story that makes me sound like the neighborhood floozie, I was already laying out when they came over, AND we have a six-foot privacy fence around our backyard. I really didn't expect to have a group of fifteen year olds oogling me from the roof next door.

*** By "turd," they mean a hand-made turd replica made of flour, water, and salt.