Thursday, June 23, 2005

It's Not Really Cheating If It's Only in Your Heart*

I have a confession to make: I have been committing adultery. At least a few times a day for the past couple of weeks.

Even if you've only stopped by my blog once or twice, just enough to think "God, this chick is so vapid and her blog so uninspired**!", that's enough to know about 'Lil Nazi (AKA Black Betty, Guten Tag, Gut and Tag, and Gorgeous George). I love my car. More than anyone should love anything that does not have a beating heart.

But I have to confess...I've been having impure thoughts lately. About another car. I've dreamed about this other car, and become slightly obsessed with this other car. My heart beats a little faster ever time I look at her. She's so...pretty. So...fluid. So...curvy. So...fun. So...quick. So...fuel efficient.

Smart Roadster BRABUS


JUST LOOK AT HER! Do the full 360 tour to get the full effect. Mmmmmmm. I'm totally having sex with her in my mind right now.

Unfortunately, because she's little and cute and fuel efficient, and not ginormous and capable of fording deep rivers and climbing mountains and getting only 12 miles to the gallon, she's of course not available in the U.S. yet.

But soon, my love. Soon.


* NOT TRUE. So no don't even think of messing with AMBF because I will cut you. With a grapefruit spoon.

** The uninspired part is especially true today, since I started about eight different posts and decided they all sucked donkey ass. I'm not confident that this one will be any better.

33 comments:

Chris F. said...

Your passion for cars intrigues me. Tell me, have you learned how to double clutch and heal-and-toe shift yet?

Chris F. said...

And are you sure you aren't from Detroit, at least in spirit?

tim jenkins said...

i still think heel/toe is overrated

and i love that smart car
have since the first time i laid eyes on one...

i either have to get one of those or the Pontiac Solstice...

Jelly said...

If I squint, I can see you in it.

King Nate Unknown said...

I really don't like the whole Nazi angle to what you call your VW. As for Smart car... it looks like a rip off of the new Lotus.

Kitsune said...

I went over to that site intending to read some nice technical specs then come back and talk engine-spec dirty to you. But, then I read some of the most horible words any car-swooner hates to see. Imagine, walking up to this sexy machine, opening the hood, and staring at a THREE cylinder.

Gasp! Recoil!

Well, it was very nice to see you today. Perhaps, erm, another time.

Ok, I'll grant that it is a turbo three and a very light car, but that just doesn't help me. If I want a light car with a small/powerful engine, I'll go with an RX-7.

Painful.

Go confess what you did to L.N. before it's too late! You are gonna owe at least a synthetic oil change.

Kitsune said...

PS> Solstice is good! And you you have the bling bling, Lotus is sweeeet. But none of them are going to replace my Trans Am. Nope, not even the Lotus. ;)

TrueJerseyGirl said...

That's a pretty nice car. Think of how I feel - I used to drive a red convertible Mustang GT. Then I went and got pregnant, so now my husband gets to drive the Stang and I "get" to drive the family car. Talk about car envy.

Mona said...

I found you on Diane's site and let me just say this:

#1) I can completely understand having impure thoughts about another car

#2) Not only did I lust over the curves of that car, I actually got excited when I saw "fuel efficient" (yup, that's what I've become now...a conscientious citizen)

#3) I love the way you wrote this entry. Rest assured, you wrote an interesting post.

LocuTus of Borg said...

I vote for AMG to be the next Indy car racer!

Have you ever driven a Porsche Boxster ... moving the gear shifter is definitely having sex with the car. Oh man, slide that shaft into 5th gear ....

oooo guess I need to have a little sensorship heehe

Anonymous Midwest Girl said...

Chris, no, I'm too scared to try those fancy moves. Maybe if I got a junker to practice on...

Nate, it's okay, cause I'm part German. Kidding aside, I don't really call it that, it's a joke from an earlier post. She's Black Betty to me.

Kitsune, I know, I saw that too. I just choose to ignore it. And RX-7s are awesome, but this thing is under $20K!

Jersey, that sucks. Hopefully you get to sneak out and drive it sometime...but dude, what a MILF you would be if you were cruisin in the 'Stang with a carseat in the back! :)

Locus, no...but if someone forced me to I would. And go take a cold shower!

Tan Lucy Pez said...

Sex in a car is fine, but sex with a car is just wrong. Sick and twisted. But, I like sick and twisted people. Rock on.

Chris F. said...

Tim Jenkins: that's only because you don't know how to do it right...so that down shifts are smoothe. OH BURN! LOL

AMG: A good way to start is simply learning to Revv match, and double clutch. Once you have that, it's just a matter of teaching yourself how not to push too hard on the break while your foot is revving the accelorator. Double clutching is fun...and makes for very, very smoothe stops, corners. And it gives you an excuse to revv your engine, beyond just revving it for fun. Purposeful revving...it gets my blood boiling, let me tell you. (not recommended for use in an electric car)

allison said...

Wow....you know a lot about cars. I like your blog. :-)

The Muse said...

Grapefruit spoons are evil - damn, woman, put away your claws! And I would NEVER think of even thinking oF AMBF. (Other than thinking of him in the fact that I would never think of him that way.) I have CB, and that's good enough for me. :)

The Man said...

Oh for Gods sake...

Who wrote his thesis on the Mercedes Smart car? Any suggestions slackers? The Man, that's who! And more to the point - who's pretty bloody wasted right about now? The Man, that's who. And even more important, who comments on other people's blog, just to talk about himself?

Ehh...

Sharron said...

You'd look awesome flying down the road with the top down! ;)

The Everglades said...

I wanted one of these when I lived in Paris. But driving one on an American road seems like a death wish, in Texas anyways (we've got a lot of big trucks here).

Blake

Fred said...

AMG - thanks for stopping by my blog. This is a great site - and I love the European pictures on your other blog. As you can tell, I just got back from Europe last week.

I'll stop by and leave useless comments once in awhile.

Mattyc said...

Since all your posts sucked donkey ass, I think you should do a post ON sucking donkey ass, so those of us who aren't as familiar with the concept can understand better.

Captain Bee said...

Sharron said...

You'd look awesome flying down the road with the top down! ;)
***


There's nothing wrong with women with their tops down.

Ms. Audra said...

All the GOOD cars are not in the United States :(

Walking Wounded said...

Audra,

You're right! The Nissan version of the Infiniti M is only available in Japan, and the Brabas, which is a pretty cool design. Although, I would need a sedan version because I would not physically fit into the roadster (just guessing). ;)

Peace.

Walking Wounded said...

"Don't say my car's topless, say the titties is out!" -NAS

Pimpin'!

Peace.

sadlittletomato said...

uum, i know this is odd, but can i have sex with your car too

Blogbelle said...

Three cylinders just isn't gonna be enough [wo]manpower! It's cutesy, but I think I'd like something with a little more, ahem, balls.

Kitsune said...

I remember when I thought my '88 Accord was fast. That's an impression I will never get again! Now I ride a Pontiac 5.7l V8 with well ver 300 horses (and rising). When I saddle up in a rental, I am almost always horified. It's like childhood: you just can't go back. (I am dreading my next car purchase, whenever that comes...)

Saddly, 3cyl and a turbo... I just can't put it past me.

As a side note: as I wrote this, we had an earthquake. I kept writing though, because this is just so much more important.

silent said...

That car is a beaut!!! If you get it, I'm all in for the threesome... or is three a crowd for you? ;)

Jas... said...

Great blog AMG! Stumbled onto it in my semi-drunken state and liked it so much I threw it up in my favorites. Definitely a return reader.

:D
Jas...

Geez said...

What the fuck is a car?

Sorry, I live in New York City.

Sassy said...

LOL...definitley an interesting blog! Thanks for commenting on my site. I'll be back! = )

dave bones said...

here is my dream bike. It doesn't exist in reality yet but should only cost £1500 to put together. Why do you like such a small car? I thought you all were gas guzzlers.

MF said...

I think I see the Virgin Mary in the clear coat finish.