Wednesday, August 10, 2005

As Long As Her Mother Doesn't Find Out, We're Good

Yesterday, at the request of AMBF*'s mother, I took his 14-year-old little sister to a rock concert. We'll call her "sis" from here on out, because that's cool and hipster-sounding, and AMBFLS** is too awkward. AMBF didn't want to take her, because there is nothing more pathetic than being a cute guy in your mid-twenties at a rock concert with your underage little sister. So I stepped up to bat, because I am such a nice and kind person, and because AMBF's mom said she would buy the tickets.

The concert was one of those all-day long outdoor festival type gigs, and included such bands as blah, blah, blah (not an actual band name, but rather a place setter for several local bands that you will have never heard of), Danko Jones (any big fans out there? want to buy an autographed poster?), Unwritten Law, Breaking Benjamin, Papa Roach (excellent in concert), and 311 (also excellent, but I grew up listening to them, so it was very nostalgic) .

Sis is a huge Papa Roach fan, which is interesting, because I think if I had listened to any bands that used the word "fuck" as much as they do at the age of 14, my mother would have stuffed my ears full of shredded bible pages and taped them shut with duct tape.*** Add to that the fact that she appears to be quite the girly-girly, with lots of pink and purple and dangly earrings and long hair and Bejeweled clothing, and you will understand my shock and awe at seeing her in the middle of the mosh pit, putting men twice her size and age in their place, flipping off the stage at the request of the band, and singing along - screaming along, actually - to lyrics that might be considered obscene in some countries.

Did I mention that this was her first concert? Ever? Girl handled it like a champ and stayed in the pit through most of Breaking Benjamin, all of Papa Roach, and 99.98% of 311 (I made her leave 1/2 way through their last song, because we were parked in BFE and I wanted to try to beat the traffic out - it didn't work and still took us half an hour just to get out of the parking lot).

Under my adult supervision, Sis was exposed to:

-32 boobs (or 16 pairs if you prefer them in sets)
-Three lesbian kisses
-Lots and lots and lots of pot
-Two naked streakers
-Countless sweaty, half-naked boys (many bruised and/or bloody)
-One fistfight
-Lots of interesting piercings and tattoos (including one that stuck out of this guy's face about four inches - I spent the entire night wondering how he got around without getting it caught on everything)
-Did I mention there was lots of pot?
-A belly-button (mine) getting pierced
-Two drunk and disorderly arrests made
-And, the highlight of her life so far, Papa Roach in person. We both got a poster autographed by each band member and Sis got a picture taken with Jacoby, the lead singer. And this might be a good time to mention that, while not every man can get away with wearing black eyeliner, if you can, I highly recommend it.

Ah, adult supervision. It's a wonderful thing.


*Anonymous Midwest Boyfriend
**Anonymous Midwest Boyfriend's Little Sister, of course.
***Use number 14,377.


25 comments:

Chris F. said...

Haven't heard Papa Roach in so long! Sounds like it was a blast.


mmmm...32 boooobs.

Blonde said...

Isn't it amazing that these things would probably go unnoticed or without thought if you had been there with other adults?

I got sucked into taking my 15 y.o. cousins to see Britney Spears a year ago. We sat behind strippers who made out with each other all night. One was wearing a trucker hat that read: I Love Vagina and her gf wore a shirt that says I Eat Pussy.

Love your blog!!!!!!!!!!!!!

x said...

You are forever going to be the coolest chick ever to her.

And the blonde is totally right, you probably wouldn't have given most/any of it a second thought if you weren't responsible for sis.

exile said...

well... you didn't get her pierced, nor did you trade her for weed.

i'd say you did better than most parents.

Shawn said...

Most excellent... If every 14-year-old girl had a brother with an awesome girlfriend like you, imagine how fantastic the world would be.

Unless you guys were the two drunk and disorderlies. That would have perhaps been a great story too, but it would have likely made for some awkward moments at the dinner table...

Leese said...

Yeah, my sister had a cool bf when I was young...he was always so nice to me...and he was cute too. He wore Coolwater. To this day I am still obsessed with that cologne. I actually own a bottle of the men's version. Yeah, I know. I'm a dork.

Chixulub said...

(Tragically dates himself by admitting this...)
My first concert, about the same age, was Yes '90210' (I know, that's a TV show, but I can't rember the actual dumb number name they did for that album). My Sunday School teacher took me, because she was the only chaperone my parents would accept. I had to buy both tickets out of my lawn-mowing money.

And the concert sucked. Instead of an opening band they showed Roadrunner cartoons because they didn't want to share the fancy circular stage with a merchandizing band. The crowd ate this up, but I was at the exact age where admitting that Saturday Morning cartoons would have been worse than, I can't even come up with a worse than.

On my side of the stage, the mix was so awful I couldn't hear the guitar or voals, only the bass and drums. I hardly smelled a whiff of pot (and it was an indoor concert, and this was back when you could smoke regular cigarettes in arenas). No one flashed the band, no one ran on stage, it was lame.

I'm glad 'sis' got a better first concert. And I want to see that belly button piercing, I'm in the mood to wince in sympathetic pain.

Ruben said...

Hey I met the roaches right before they got all huge. They were smoking weed behind a bar in Chico, CA. Really nice guys and awesome live!

Also...boobs are a good thing and lesbian kisses...my favorite! :-)

Captain Bee said...

Danko Jones is big here in Canada. He's got a few big songs here. They just started running his shit in the states.

KT said...

You're TRULY cool for doing that!

My 1st show was Weird Al in 4th grade (circa 1986 or so) with MY MOM!

peter.h said...

only 16 sets of boobs??????

and one fistfight?!?!?!?!?!

man thats not even crazy enough for the kid. she should have seen at least 30 topless chicks for you to be the least bit scared. and more of that lesbian stuff for sure

as for the pot experience, its like learning about gambling or absinthe. good to get that experience out of the way.
just tell her they were having a big barbeque and using A LLLOOOOOTTT of oregano.

those guys love their oregano.

nctrnl said...

The only think worth a damn would be the boobs and 311...but that would be enough...

The Everglades said...

You did the right thing--that memory will last forever. Who doesn't remember their first concert? As you mentioned, pot, boobs, streakers--it is an entire experience that frames coming of age. Kudos for "breaking the rules."

Blake

~*Bettie said...

Kudo's to you for being a badass gf!

S.C. said...

It's sad that my first concert came at 21...(Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers)

I mean, I'd done the club / small venue thing lots...

The all-day / multi-day festivals are the best, though. You get a great mix of fucked-up people...

LocuTus of Borg said...

You definitely rock as a girlfriend. But see AMG, now you see that your intent is to corrupt the minds of young 14 year old girls hahaha. At least you were showing her the "ways" of truth right? >:P

Storm said...

Sounds like it was a lot of fun. Makes me think about my very first concert that I attended when I was 12 or 13.

The Other Half said...

what a cool "big sister"!!! Yeah..i like 32 better...the more boobs the better

John M said...

I stopped wearing the black eyeliner back in 1989. I guess it's back in again? I love when the "younger" generation thinks they started a trend that has already gone around more than once (this would also include just about everything that they wear!). ;)

Gordy said...

I think we need picutres of the midriff and piercing, and also picture of the boobs, if not the ones oyu saw then some substitues.

Justice said...

Sounds to me like someone was trying to be the cool adult. You go girl.

NJ said...

I'm a huge Danko Jones fan, but I don't really need an autographed poster. I'm going to see them on Sept. 3rd in Milwaukee.

Sara said...

I remember when I went to the Metallica concert. I think it was Rock Fest.. All I remember is looking at the stage and seeing the little person from Kid Rock jumping around on the stage.. And my friend making out with some guy behind the port-a-pottys!! Good times!!!!

gunngirl said...

I would have totally been you if I had a 14 yo to take somewhere.

She's gonna think you're the coolest ever.

And I like Papa Roach...well, at least their last album anyway.

Nice blog!

Wez said...

32 boobs. How awesome.