Tuesday, January 18, 2005

For All You TVaholics

Here is a great website with extremely funny commentary on different TV shows that are on TV now:

TVGasm (haha...get it?)

Here are some of the funnier bits, which may not make sense if you don't watch the show:

From Amazing Race:
"Meanwhile, Hayden established herself as Cranky McBitchalot this episode as she adopted a sour frown from the getgo. Before anything had even happened, Aaron leaned in for a kiss, causing his mongrel teammate to scowl away as if he had extreme halitosis issues (which is not entirely out of the question following last week's Hungarian soup debacle). Somebody call Red Lobster. Looks like Hayden's throwing CrabFest 2005."

"Anyway, teams all had to scurry to the next clue, which meant more taxi antics. Apparently the gate thwacking didn't shock any synapses into action as Freddy asked a cabbie the dense question, "The Danube River. Do you know what that is?" Come on. It's not like a stream behind some rocky outcropping. I half expected the driver to respond "Danube river? Never heard of it. But there is a giant waterway that crosses my country. I always call it the Big Rivery Thing. Probably not the same." "

From Desperate Housewives"
"The show casually tells us that when Gabrielle was 15, her Stepfather came to her room late one night and raped her. P.S., the actor playing her stepfather is the very same guy who plays the Vin Diesel role in the porno versions of xXx and The Chronicles of My-dick. I know because a friend told me, and also because I own them...But her modeling career takes a dive when she takes the plunge with Carlos, the man she goes on to love, honor and betray. But betrayal is oh so much more understandable when the montage cuts to John, the H.O.T. teenager who has been “tending her yard” and “plowing her field” and “having intercourse with her” these past couple of months."

From Real World:
"Such was the case on this week's lice-tastic installment of The Real World. MTV, a pioneer in portraying racism, homosexuality, AIDs, eating disorders, rape, and abortion, has now tackled that ever elusive social dilemma: SCABIES! Now before you chime in and say "Isn't that something you get if you're out to sea too long?" please remember that you might be thinking of scurvy, which I'm sure will be addressed in any future episodes that might take place on a pirate ship. Hmmm... Real World Pirate Ship. I like it... I like it..."

"Willie, meanwhile, gagged at the thought of lice violating his personal space, noting that nothing has ever crawled into any crevasse of his body (since, technically, a penis doesn't "crawl"). "


3 comments:

MooCow said...

You might also want to try televisionwithoutpity.com - though they tend to cover more of the reality side of things.

theCallowQueen said...

The post for the latest episode of the Amazing Race would simply be: Thank the gods that Jonathan and Victoria were finally eliminated! After watching them yell at each other week after week, I was beginning to feel emotionally abused.

Anonymous Midwest Girl said...

I am so happy about Jonathan and Victoria leaving...he is such a monster! I had the hardest time watching the part where she was drinking the soup and he was yelling at her...it's like "Hey, douchbag...she didn't want to do it in the first place!" Jerk.