Thursday, March 03, 2005

Mom, Why is That Man Putting His Finger in That Other Man's Bottom?

Recently I've been noticing more and more of those fold-down and in-dash DVD players in cars and (most often) vans. Specifically noticing how well you can see whatever is on the screen at night when you pull up next to the offending vehicle. I'll admit, I've missed the changing of the light more than once, having become engrossed in watching those little screens.

Knowing how well others can see the screen, I think it would be funny to drive around with a hardcore gay porn playing. And not a hot lesbian gay porn, either - a guy-on-guy, ball slappin', muscle ripplin', ass poundin' gay porn. Preferably from 1988, so the guys have mullets and big mustaches, like Burt Reynolds. Even better if Burt Reynolds is one of the guys.

Of course, I would never do that in real life, mainly because I don't have an in-car DVD player...but if I did, I would definately watch gay porn on it.

Well, that or a Bob "Happy Little Trees" Ross instructional video.

Either one would be pretty funny. Yet completely horrifying at the same time.*

At least I think so.

*No offense to anyone who might like guy-on-guy, ball slappin', muscle ripplin', ass poundin' gay porn starring Burt Reynolds from 1988. If that's where you get your jollies from, more power to ya. I just think it would be funny.

Yet horrifying.

18 comments:

LeRoy said...

I once, in a fit of desperate joblessness, almost (almost!) took a job writing reviews for pornos. I figured it would be so easy, once you've seen one of two you've seen them all. You could just cut and paste your reviews to fit the order of action. Point is, I think I once used the phrase "guy-on-guy, ball slappin', muscle ripplin', ass poundin' gay porn". Have you been reading reviews of gay porn?

echrai said...

Or hook it up to a video camera that you have appropriately angled, so the person in the car with the best view is watching themself. Granted, that might be a pain to setup, but it'd be loads of fun. Okay, more weirdly startling that the rocking gayness, but it still amuses me for the shock value.

Billy Goat Beard Man said...

Good Lord that's hilarious. I've been walking around the house for 15 minutes bursting into laughter everytime the pharse "...ball slappin'...gay porn" pops into my head.

The Author said...

If I grow a mullet... aw, never mind.

Bottle Rocket Fire Alarm said...

I yearn for simpler, more wholesome times when goodhearted wellmeaning folks would use such technology for flying toaster screensavers and dancing raisins.

BKing said...

That reminds me of the game I like to play when driving. When passing a coach bus, I like to try to figure out what movie they're playing. It can be really hard sometimes, especially if you are driving real fast. One of these times I should just pace the bus so i can watch more of the movie.

Walking Wounded said...

Ha! I posted about this back in February after stumbling across this article. Check my Feb archive if you want to laugh.

This type of thing is running rampant here in NY, no shit. It's funny the VA of all places decided to set a law into action over it. NY traffic is brutal, so we need any welcomed distraction we can get. LOL

Peace.

exile said...

2 other ideas for the in-car monitor


1 play a video of your self driving

2 play one of those dvd fire place things, occationally pulling over and yelling "fire!"

3 granny porn

echrai said...

EWWWWW! ball-slappin' gay porn was bad enough. Flabby flapping granny porn is just plain GROSS.

NJ said...

I do believe that is the perfect use for those things! :-)

Scott said...

Hey, I just found your blog -- funny, witty stuff. I've got one at www.canuckasia.blogspot.com,a Canadian in Cambodia's take on life, books, films, and,um, Cambodia, if you're ever bored. Keep up the writing!

Scott said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Dave Morris said...

Your blog is a daily read for me, very good stuff. "Yet horrifying" made me laugh hard.

Congrats on your new office - although anytime you close your door, people will assume you're in there watching guy-on-guy, ball slappin', muscle ripplin', ass poundin' gay porn starring Burt Reynolds from 1988.

Robert said...

Now it's got me rethinking "Smokey and the Bandit." So was the "I'm going to barbeque your ass in molassas" line a hidden ad for the porn movies?

NJ said...

I was interviewed on my friend Scoot's podcast and I had to mention this post! It'll be played next week, check it out at :The Weekly Ramble

DB said...

And I thought that sort of thing was illegal nationwide. I dare you to really do it.

DB said...

I was wrong, it's still legal. Even if unwanted.

UFIA.

Anonymous said...

I was a mullet wearing, mustachioed "guy" back in 1988, but I never did no gay porn.