Friday, August 12, 2005

Bring Me a Mountain Dew, Bring Me a Mountain Dew...

Great news!

I have discovered that I can communicate with inanimate objects telepathically. I KNOW! Isn't that cool? I was on my way to work this morning, running late as usual, and I saw that the light ahead of me was about to turn red. I concentrated hard and directed thoughts of "Stay green! Stay green!" at it. And guess what? It stayed green just long enough for me to scoot on through.

My telepathy hasn't worked on anything else yet, though, so it might just be with traffic lights. Or, this being a newly discovered power, it still may need fine-tuning and additional practice before I can float a beer out of the fridge to my waiting hand. But I expect to be up to that level shortly.

29 comments:

sage said...

Was that you I was cussing today, breezing through the stoplight as I was starting to pull out?

Forget the beer and the mountain dew, but let me know when you can leviate a good quality scotch from a neighbor's liquor cabinet. We'll talk business.

You Can't Afford Me said...

i find that having a child has helped tremendously with my telepathy. i can be upstairs and 'think' out loud how much i really need someone (hint, hint) to go get me a bottle of water, soda, etc. and magically (sort of) one appears in front of me.

Nytro said...

I need to find a way to do that with spiders... Stay Away Spider, Stay Away Spider. Instead, I think they are seeking me out. Had to switch cars with my husband just now because I saw a catface spider crawl under the front seat. I was near tears. Damn spiders!

The Lazy Iguana said...

I would use the powers to make ping-pong balls with numbers on them come up in a specific order.

Then I would take my show to Las Vegas! I would win so much at Keno that they would kick me out of all casinos forever.

NYPinTA said...

I don't know if I am actually having an effect, but I do the same thing with other people's cars when I can tell they want to cut me off. "Don't move buddy! Just don't do it!" It works. Sorta.

Nytro, spiders seek me out too. They sense fear. Tricky creepy bastards. *shudder*

Justice said...

Sounds to me like you need to devote your weekend to refining this talent. Obviously you possess the power. You just need to channel it.

SquirrleyMojo said...

seriously, i think you are on to something.

SLynnRo said...

I became obsessed with trying to move things telepathically after that Oprah were she moved the spoon with her head. Still hasn't worked for me yet.

Lord Chimmy said...

Strangely, I had this urge to get a Dew when I read this post. Very refreshing it was.

Neonalune said...

Ah, mastered the force have you.

Chixulub said...

Diet Dew. Can't stand the 'regular,' it seems like I should pour it on pancakes.

Diet Dew: an excellent source of caffeine and one other essentail nutrient*.


*Water

psquared said...

"These aren't the droids you are looking for."

Please repeat-

"These aren't the droids you are looking for."

Please repeat-

"Move along, move along"

Please repeat -

Congratulations! You have graduated. Please pick up your certificate at the accounting office.

p2

madman said...

I can do that beer thing already? I say I want a beer--and my kid brings it to me! Use your new power for good only.

Ruben said...

Neonalune is right! Yoda has nothing on you!!!

Neil said...

Next time, don't rush to work when you're late. Telepathically turn back all the clocks in the office.

BeckEye said...

I do that too, but it only works if there isn't anyone in front of me. Usually if I'm running late for work (which is pretty much always) I'll be trying to telepathically keep the light green but the idiot in front of me must be praying for red, because he(or she) will start slowing down as we approach the light, before it even turns yellow, as if he already knows. And sure enough, it turns yellow. Then usually the moron will come to a complete stop on yellow, then floor it at the last second, leaving me with the red light. Diabolical.

Another Bystander in a World of Dementia said...

NICE...

I have powers too...

I just look at some hot girl's ass and go

"Boner.. Boner.. Boner.."

Guess what happens... X )

Another Bystander in a World of Dementia said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Another Bystander in a World of Dementia said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
PINKSandROSES said...

i wish i had that power most inanimte objects try to attack me. guitar strings, flying tires on the freeway, bikes, pillows...

Anonymous said...

yes! you will soon outshow yoda

Long Live Papa Roach!!!!
i wonder if you can send me the pics from the concert
its so small on here lol
here's my email:
uh_oh_a_psycho@yahoo.com

'Sis'

Me said...

lol...u're great....

Me said...

Ok - so I read this when it was first posted but didn't comment yet. Had to see for myself.

Driving home, I tried that with all the lights. My skills are broken. They all turned red. Every freakin' one.

Damn. You're special AMG!!!

Happy With Me said...

Molly no like Mountain Dew.

Thank you.

Tony said...

i am living over in murrieta california now...let me know what madness i have missed

Thomas, the Retarded Monkey said...

Freaky! I can do the same thing! However, I can only make it work when I want my keys to lock themselves in the car, or the door to hit me in the ass.

Judging by how often I wish for those things, I'm some sort of masochist.

LocuTus of Borg said...

I knew you had a hidden talent there AMG!!! =) heehee

exile said...

it's funny, you said that and i started walking east with a can of mountian dew.

the force is strong with this one

Shawn said...

It could be that your powers only manifest themselves when you're under great stress...like when you were running late for work. That would sort of suck because everyone knows that powers that only maifest under duress (PTOMUD) alway cause problems. I would definitely spend some time getting it under control. A good way to practice would probably be to make the TV flipper go all wonky when AMB is using it...just don't make it obvious.