Monday, August 08, 2005

Camping: The Next Best Thing to Your Real Bed. Or a Hotel.

This weekend, I almost went camping.

I grew up camping and love it. I'm talking real camping, too - none of this RV-with-electrical-hook-ups-and-real-beds pussy shit. I'm talking leaky tents, sleeping bags on the ground with rocks poking at you every which way, and a father who snores so loudly that you move to the car in the middle of the night because you can't sleep, even with headphones on.

But it's been a few years since I've gone, so I was really excited when one of AMBF's friends suggested we go Saturday night. We borrowed a tent from my parents, got the sleeping bags from AMBF's mom, bought stuff to grill and make s'mores, bought alcohol (of course), and were ready to rough it. We were freaking Lewis and Clark, baby.

So we drove the hour out to the campground, only to find out that it was full. Damn. So we drove back and grilled on someone's back deck, and roasted s'mores (God's one truly selfless gift to mankind) over the open propane flame. And let me tell you, a propane-fueled fire does not make the same caliber of s'more as a wood-fueled fire. And have you ever made one in a microwave? Let me tell you, those marshmallows, they just keep expanding. And they won't stop until they've oozed out of the microwave and taken over the house and become approximately the size of the Stay-Puff Marshmallow man from Ghostbusters.

Back to camping, which my ADD-saddled mind forgot about for a second there, what with visions of delicious s'mores dancing in front of my eyes. I was looking for a camping picture to include with this post, and found this:


Someone please tell me why this family has testicles for mouths. If this is an accurate depiction of this family, I fear for their future generations. Not to mention that they look a bit retarded around the eyes, too. But maybe if they ARE retarded, they don't care about the balls growing out of their chins.

25 comments:

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Paul Michael Peters said...

AMG - love to read you blog, and your Europe trip is a hoot!

One small question, is the BF in AMBF your best friend? Or Boy Friend? Maybe I'm a crazy old coot.

Nothing like a wet soggy sleeping out on the pointy rocks. Good times, ain't we luck we've got them?

p2

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anonymous said...

I love camping too....!!! btw they DO HAVE TESTICLES for MOUTHs! killing myself laughing! ;)

cheers....

Sara said...

www.reserveamerica.com

That's all you need! Camping is the best. We have our weekend food down to a science and cook absolutely everything over the open fire:

Friday night: Bratwurst with home fries
Saturday morning: Pancakes and bacon
Saturday lunch: Pizza pies in the pie irons
Saturday night: Ribs with charred sweet potatoes and asparagus
Sunday morning: Omelettes in the pie irons
Sunday noon: Bratwurst with home fries
Sunday night: Pizza pies

Anonymous said...

Don't you just love comment spam. Anyway, you are more of a man than I am if camping is any real comparison. I think my problem with it is that there's no point. I never sleep well, I hate being dirty...it's just all bad...for me...

KW said...

I too shall be enjoying smores in a few short days on Fire Island...which is about as close to camping as I get! SaDaVeSt wanna come with to cook?? YU-UM!!!

KW said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
KW said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Bama Girl said...

S'mores are fantastic, and you are right, much better over a real fire. You are freaking hilarious, testicle family, where the hell did you find that?

jamwall said...

well, AMG, here's the vote count so far of your post:

This post has been removed by a blog administrator: 4

This post has been removed by the author: 1

Congratulations!, with 100% of the precincts reporting, "This post has been removed by a blog administrator" is the winner!!!

Unknown said...

I glanced quickly at your post because I was re-watching the first episode of Weeds, and I thought you were talking about tea-baggers! Too fucking funny!

Peace

Paul Michael Peters said...

Camping is In-tents!

MORE COW BELL!

S.Klassen said...

Camping.
People paying to live like homeless people? interesting concept...

Chixulub said...

Frau Lobster turned me onto camping. I was scarred by my scouting experiences, so it took some talking to get me to try it.

And I love it, and yeah I agree, RVs are for the elderly. Last time we went, I did cave and bring a battery & inverter (borrowed) for my CPAP so my snoring wouldn't bring out the Rangers. And then there was the near-death experience when we camped with inadequate gear and too much booze in October and are just dumb-lucky we didn't get hypothermia and die a peaceful death in 110-Mile Park.

The running joke among our friends is the way you tell the difference between binge drinking and camping is to look around: drywall, carpet, flushing toilets, that's binge drinking. Trees, tents, my 'camp' fire (that can be seen from space and is threatening to set the canopy of the woods ablaze), you're camping.

bigfootcookie said...

I love camping, and just bought a new tent to introduce my 8 & 6 year olds to this great outdoor life. We've only managed the back garden so far, but will hopefully progress to further afield!

SirTalksALot said...

If they have testicular upper lips, I wonder what ELSE they have that we can't see. FREAKS!

Unknown said...

great post! i thought the same thing when i saw that!

mysterygirl! said...

My roommate and I used to get drunk and make smores over the flame on our gas stove! Safety first!

Sorry your camping didn't quite work out, but at least you didn't crawl out of your tent in the morning with a testicle face.

Lara said...

I deleted three comments that were spam from robots - those "Nice blog! Go here to check out my Viagra blog!" And what I have to say about that is FUCK YOU BLOG SPAMMERS.

And one was a duplicate comment.

Lara said...

Oh, and Psquared, AMBF is my anonymous midwest boyfriend. Although best friend would work, too.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for throwing it up for camping. Camping is the shit!

Pat

Anonymous said...

"FUCK YOU BLOG SPAMMERS."

Tru dat. Fuck them.

Pat

NYPinTA said...

I think there is a restaraunt in NYC that specailizes in s'mores. The Girl Scouts must be pissed!
I haven't been camping in years. I don't like the idea of it, but once I am out there, I love it!!
Except the spiders. Could do with out them.