Monday, August 08, 2005

Camping: The Next Best Thing to Your Real Bed. Or a Hotel.

This weekend, I almost went camping.

I grew up camping and love it. I'm talking real camping, too - none of this RV-with-electrical-hook-ups-and-real-beds pussy shit. I'm talking leaky tents, sleeping bags on the ground with rocks poking at you every which way, and a father who snores so loudly that you move to the car in the middle of the night because you can't sleep, even with headphones on.

But it's been a few years since I've gone, so I was really excited when one of AMBF's friends suggested we go Saturday night. We borrowed a tent from my parents, got the sleeping bags from AMBF's mom, bought stuff to grill and make s'mores, bought alcohol (of course), and were ready to rough it. We were freaking Lewis and Clark, baby.

So we drove the hour out to the campground, only to find out that it was full. Damn. So we drove back and grilled on someone's back deck, and roasted s'mores (God's one truly selfless gift to mankind) over the open propane flame. And let me tell you, a propane-fueled fire does not make the same caliber of s'more as a wood-fueled fire. And have you ever made one in a microwave? Let me tell you, those marshmallows, they just keep expanding. And they won't stop until they've oozed out of the microwave and taken over the house and become approximately the size of the Stay-Puff Marshmallow man from Ghostbusters.

Back to camping, which my ADD-saddled mind forgot about for a second there, what with visions of delicious s'mores dancing in front of my eyes. I was looking for a camping picture to include with this post, and found this:


Someone please tell me why this family has testicles for mouths. If this is an accurate depiction of this family, I fear for their future generations. Not to mention that they look a bit retarded around the eyes, too. But maybe if they ARE retarded, they don't care about the balls growing out of their chins.

37 comments:

Anonymous said...
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psquared said...

AMG - love to read you blog, and your Europe trip is a hoot!

One small question, is the BF in AMBF your best friend? Or Boy Friend? Maybe I'm a crazy old coot.

Nothing like a wet soggy sleeping out on the pointy rocks. Good times, ain't we luck we've got them?

p2

Anonymous said...
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Anonymous said...

good post... thanks.

Lila
my site: gifted child

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Carrie said...

I love camping too....!!! btw they DO HAVE TESTICLES for MOUTHs! killing myself laughing! ;)

cheers....

Storm said...

That's hilarious! I love the picture.

Sorry you didn't get the chance to camp out this weekend.

QueSaraSara said...

www.reserveamerica.com

That's all you need! Camping is the best. We have our weekend food down to a science and cook absolutely everything over the open fire:

Friday night: Bratwurst with home fries
Saturday morning: Pancakes and bacon
Saturday lunch: Pizza pies in the pie irons
Saturday night: Ribs with charred sweet potatoes and asparagus
Sunday morning: Omelettes in the pie irons
Sunday noon: Bratwurst with home fries
Sunday night: Pizza pies

NCTRNL said...

Don't you just love comment spam. Anyway, you are more of a man than I am if camping is any real comparison. I think my problem with it is that there's no point. I never sleep well, I hate being dirty...it's just all bad...for me...

Justice said...

I can't imagine marshmellows unless they are being cooked over an open fire. Sorry it turned out so crappy.

KT said...

I too shall be enjoying smores in a few short days on Fire Island...which is about as close to camping as I get! SaDaVeSt wanna come with to cook?? YU-UM!!!

KT said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
KT said...
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Ruben said...

The testicle family is damn sexy!

Bama Girl said...

S'mores are fantastic, and you are right, much better over a real fire. You are freaking hilarious, testicle family, where the hell did you find that?

jamwall said...

well, AMG, here's the vote count so far of your post:

This post has been removed by a blog administrator: 4

This post has been removed by the author: 1

Congratulations!, with 100% of the precincts reporting, "This post has been removed by a blog administrator" is the winner!!!

a.m. griffin said...

camping rocks... I think one of those sign posts in the picture reads "Nuclear Power Plant three miles" which may explain a lot.

Walking Wounded said...

I glanced quickly at your post because I was re-watching the first episode of Weeds, and I thought you were talking about tea-baggers! Too fucking funny!

Peace

psquared said...

Camping is In-tents!

MORE COW BELL!

S.Klassen said...

Camping.
People paying to live like homeless people? interesting concept...

Chixulub said...

Frau Lobster turned me onto camping. I was scarred by my scouting experiences, so it took some talking to get me to try it.

And I love it, and yeah I agree, RVs are for the elderly. Last time we went, I did cave and bring a battery & inverter (borrowed) for my CPAP so my snoring wouldn't bring out the Rangers. And then there was the near-death experience when we camped with inadequate gear and too much booze in October and are just dumb-lucky we didn't get hypothermia and die a peaceful death in 110-Mile Park.

The running joke among our friends is the way you tell the difference between binge drinking and camping is to look around: drywall, carpet, flushing toilets, that's binge drinking. Trees, tents, my 'camp' fire (that can be seen from space and is threatening to set the canopy of the woods ablaze), you're camping.

bigfootcookie said...

I love camping, and just bought a new tent to introduce my 8 & 6 year olds to this great outdoor life. We've only managed the back garden so far, but will hopefully progress to further afield!

Me said...

I'll admit it - I hate camping.

But I absolutely love smores. Microwave every day!

Supermans Foot said...

camping rocks i am currently camping in my garden because I can

JAX said...

MWG, that is so so funny. Testicles growing out of thier chins!

So I have a question... comments above were removed by blog administer? I have read several blogs and I can't even fathom what a person would have to post to get it removed by an administer.

And what the heck? How did the administer find your blog?

LocuTus of Borg said...

Well the blog administrator is the blog owner ... so AMG, what's with the deletes on the blog? ;)

I love camping, but going to a campground that is full? I was used to growing up in Idaho where we drove for about an hour and just hiked in a couple hours and never saw another soul. THAT was camping! The things I always remember about camping is the total amount of stars that you can see when you are not close to a city.

normiekins said...

i enjoy reading your blog....the picture is hilarious!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SirTalksALot said...

If they have testicular upper lips, I wonder what ELSE they have that we can't see. FREAKS!

Thomas, the Retarded Monkey said...

They're living on the ground. My money's on retarded. WAY retarded.

Nytro said...

great post! i thought the same thing when i saw that!

mysterygirl! said...

My roommate and I used to get drunk and make smores over the flame on our gas stove! Safety first!

Sorry your camping didn't quite work out, but at least you didn't crawl out of your tent in the morning with a testicle face.

Anonymous Midwest Girl said...

I deleted three comments that were spam from robots - those "Nice blog! Go here to check out my Viagra blog!" And what I have to say about that is FUCK YOU BLOG SPAMMERS.

And one was a duplicate comment.

Anonymous Midwest Girl said...

Oh, and Psquared, AMBF is my anonymous midwest boyfriend. Although best friend would work, too.

x said...

I love camping too. We used to set up a tent in my parent's or my bestfriend's parent's back yard so we could campout in the summer and boys could sneak over too. Yeah. Good times.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for throwing it up for camping. Camping is the shit!

Pat

Anonymous said...

"FUCK YOU BLOG SPAMMERS."

Tru dat. Fuck them.

Pat

NYPinTA said...

I think there is a restaraunt in NYC that specailizes in s'mores. The Girl Scouts must be pissed!
I haven't been camping in years. I don't like the idea of it, but once I am out there, I love it!!
Except the spiders. Could do with out them.