Friday, August 05, 2005

Tow It Over My Dead Body

AMBF and I work in the same building. No, we aren't one of those couples that do everything together - there are a couple thousand people in this building, and I might, if I'm lucky, see the back of AMBF's head once a week as he walks down the hall. We don't even drive to work together, because we both enjoy slowly killing the planet with our emissions and gas use. Plus, I'm usually holed up in my office to avoid any sort of interaction with the brilliant, sophisticated, good-looking people that work here. (Did you catch the sarcasm there? Because that's totally what that was.) (And AMBF, of course, really is brilliant, sophisticated, and good-looking, even though he works in this cess pit.)

On Friday, AMBF and I went somewhere right after work, and we drove together in his car. I left mine in the parking lot. The need for my car never arose, so I left it there all weekend. I will insert here the fact that I have done this several times before without incident.

On Monday, AMBF and I go to work. First thing I do is check out Black Betty (Lil Nazi, for those of you who aren't offended by that) to make sure that nothing happened to her over the weekend. And on her window is a sticker proclaiming "NO PARKING. This is not a parking lot. Your car will be towed within 48 hours if not moved. Your license plate number has been recorded and your car will be towed if parked here again."

WTF??

First, um, yes, I believe that they do indeed call this large, flat, paved area with white stripes a "parking lot." And, generally, one parks in a parking lot. And second, I can't park in my own work's goddamn parking lot? Are you fucking kidding me? And if I DO come to work and park in the parking lot, you're going to tow my car?

I understand that sometimes people abandon cars in parking lots, but I've been parking in that parking lot for five years- and since February with Black Betty - usually in that exact same spot, even, so they should recognize it as the vehicle of someone who works there. Not to mention that it's a freaking NICE car, not one that is likely to be abandoned.

Unfortunately, my snarkiness and anger end there, as all was quickly rectified when I talked to the security guard and proved that I do, indeed, work there and clarified that I can continue to park there - even over weekends if I want. I wish there was a cooler ending, like I took my case to the Supreme Court (because I'm sure that's exactly the kind of case they are dying to hear) and won a victory for weekend-parkers everywhere. But alas, nope, it just ends abruptly there.

31 comments:

mwp said...

You should've hidden out at your car for when the tow truck came, and then jumped out like a Ninja and killed the driver with your bare hands. And then, I don't know, maybe you could hold his lifeless body above your head and declare victory.

A little extreme? Perhaps. But it would certainly teach those fuckers not to mess with you.

Anonymous Midwest Girl said...

Oh, I like that. Or maybe even stabbed him with a triton and smeared the blood on my face....?

mwp said...

What are you, some sort of barbarian? Sheesh.

JJ said...

I was hoping for a shootout. What a gyp.

Have a good weekend.

Chixulub said...

Ahhh. Parking Gestapo, they're good people aren't they?

When I was taking classes at a community college that had totally inadequate parking (they were in the process of building one of those multi-level garages, so it's not like the situation was news to anyone), I parked in a row of cars one day. These weren't marked spaces, but the curb was unpainted, and we weren't blocking anyone from circling endlessly looking for a vacant spot that wasn't there.

I come out and there's a fucking campus play-cop ticket on my windshield. I still get pissed off thinking about this, not just the stupid ticket, not even the ridiculousness of a $2 fine (what are they going to do with $2? Even in 1989, that was as meaningful as a 2¢ fine).

What pissed me off was when I went to the Insecurity Office to protest that I should not have been ticketed.

Chixulub: I got this ticket, parked over on the curb at the far east side of the lot.
Goombah: Yeah, so did everyone else.
Chixulub: It's not a no-parking zone.
Goombah: Yes, it is.
Chixulub: Come with me and show me a sign that says there's no parking there. Show me paint on the curb. Anything that indicates I can't park there.
Goombah: Was there anything indicating you could park there?
Chixulub: Is this the Soviet-Fucking-Union? Camera pulls back, Chixulub unleashes obscene vituperations until they agree to drop the meaningless $2 fine.

And in like a day they came out and put up no-parking signs all over that area of the lot. Painted the curb, put cement filled tires with 'NO PARKING' signs in them right out in the lane we'd been parking in.

I looked hard, because I'm almost sure the sign had a third word in invisible Kafkaesque ink, so that if I could read it as it was meant, I'd see 'NO PARKING, FUCKER.'

t.k.smith said...

I'm pretty sure if you took your parking lot case to the Supreme Court, Justice Rehnquist would have a stroke. Please do because I don't like that man.

Either way, you're lucky. Shit, my work would never allow me to keep my car at a parking lot overnight. They've towed it after several shifts of mine. It's like I have to move the damn thing every two hours when I pretend to be smoking.

justin said...

Sometimes I like putting those "NO PARKING" stickers on cars in my building's parking garage. Just hoping that maybe they'll start to believe me and give me a better chance at a good space. That's probably what was going on.

The Lazy Iguana said...

Fight the power!

This is why EVERYONE needs to own an old beater Ford pickup truck that is worth no more than $500. If the parking gestapo say you can not use the parking lot at work, NO PROBLEM! Drive the old truck to work and park in the lobby.

NCTRNL said...

I like how you said that you went in and TOLD the guy that you can park there. The lowly security guard is just sitting there, has no idea what's going on, and you're up there yelling at him. HAHAHA. Poor guy never had a clue...

K2 said...

You know, you just made his day, as that's all he does is sit there and ogle the attractive young ladies that do work there... And be lucky that you do drive lil nazi, cuz I know for a fact that Sanford (my beautiful 1980 Dodge Ram Custom) would've been gone faster than if Memphis Raines took it.

Jaxe said...

LoL! I had the same thing happen to me a couple years ago. So I went to the parking garage manager and eloquently explained my situation as he nodded his head intently. Finally, he said he understood and would take care of it first thing in the morning. I got to work the next morning only to find my car crushed into a cube. Oh well, I got about $300 for the sheet metal.

Sometimes it sucks to be a guy . ..

Nice to meet you (I linked from.. who knows where *shrug*)

Neil said...

That was a great story that had an ending worse than "War of the Worlds." I thought you might have to end up sleeping with the security guard in exchange for him letting you park there, so something fun like that. Can you change the ending later in a re-write?

The Other Half said...

i'm so glad i've never had to deal with a towed car...

KT said...

I just came across your blog via My Blog is Poop and I must say, I <3 it in a BIG way!

a.m. griffin said...

I like this part the most "Your license plate number has been recorded.." kinda feels big brother in a little brother sorta way, like "so there" or "take that."

But I like happy endings. Though Neil's version has some appeal.

BeckEye said...

I wish that would happen to me. That would give me the perfect excuse to make my boss let me telecommute.

Neel said...

If i had back a tenth of what I had paid in parking fees and offences, I would be a very rich man.

Rex Venom said...

Poopy.
Rock on!

Supermans Foot said...

I once had some idiot not allow me to leave a parking lot!
He kept saying I was trespassing, so I said let me out then and I wont be, but he kept whinging saying it was a private car park and that i was taking up room, it took me about 10 mins to make him see that if he lets off the parking lot he will have more room for his customers. muppet

mysterygirl! said...

That's totally annoying, but I'm glad it had a happy ending. Hopefully the sticker came off Black Betty without leaving sticky stuff everywhere. I've never heard of anyone getting a sticker on their car in only a couple of days-- your city must be efficient/ small/ evil. :)

midwest_hick said...

I was expecting a fairy tale ending....why I don't know......but....I would let ya park in my lot any time...lol

halfkoreanstudmuffin said...

Supreme court? You must be watching too much Law & Order!

Nytro said...

Really enjoying your blog! Keep it up!

x said...

Glad you were able to avoid a showdown with the Supreme Court. Who knows how the court will swing once John Roberts is on board. You could have lost your baby.

Fred said...

Ya never know, the security guard may wind up on the Supreme Court. George has surprised us now and again.

Boring endings are sometimes a good thing.

Justice said...

Sounds to me like the Barney squad was in full force that weekend.

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Cheers.

SirTalksALot said...

Maybe you'll have to get a sign that says "Working REALLY late" or something. "I work here, No Tow Zone". That sucks, but, go you for handling it!

Jaxe said...

Ha, Neel! Hell, its almost cheaper to pay the parking fines than to park downtown! ;-D

I'm dead serious... call me psychotic or not.

j

Saucy Lil' Tart said...

Parking people are the bane of the existence of the human race. They have got to be the most hated individuals on the planet. I don't see how anyone ends up in that job knowing the very simple fact of how unliked they are.

LocuTus of Borg said...

It is amazing that people would pay for parking. You know towing is all just a scam anyway ....