Tuesday, August 02, 2005

Pepto-Bismol Tastes Awful

I am posting this from bed, because I don't feel good. My stomach hurts. Which is a euphemism for "there is a strong possibility that semi-solid viscous fluids will soon be violently spewing from one end or the other, and I'm not sure which yet. So I would stay away from both."*



*See, I can't actually say that because I'm a lady, and ladies don't talk about bodily functions. So we use euphemisms instead.

44 comments:

mwp said...

I'm a guy, so I can talk openly about my bowels (even if it is your blog). I treated my body like a science experiment all weekend and paid the price on Sunday with numerous trips to the throne.

I finally broke down in the afternoon and took a shot of Pepto. Suprisingly, though, it didn't taste nearly as bad as I thought it did when I was a kid.

Derek said...

Ok AMG here is some science for you if the shit log is a floater that means you have alot of gas build up sinker means it's full of water or something. And for your reading pleasure http://www.heptune.com/poop.html

:phil: said...

AMG:
Having been faced with some 'medical issues' that I won't bore you with, I can say that I would rather poop too much, than not enough. (in other words, I don't like to be filled with 'euphemisms').
Hope you feel better soon, both ends!

Thanks Derek for the scoop on poop!

Toad734 said...

In other words you have ass piss!

Miss_Vicki said...

ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww! well, feel better soon, if you gotta spew you gotta spew :)

cookie monster said...

hmmmm, i would happen across this when tucking into a late nite snack! that was good timing i must say!

Walking Wounded said...

Bowels can have a mind of their own at times!

Peace

S.Klassen said...

Hope you feel better soon.

mal said...

there are times when "ladylike" SUCKS and we need to show the world trash talk *S*...

Roselly said...

Awww, sorry to hear that AMG, but I hope you're getting better FAST!! Small confession, I loved to eat the pepto bismol pills that you could eat and swallow. MM, I loved those and requested them each time I felt sick. Embarassing now, VERY.

The Lazy Iguana said...

Last time I had explosive decompression of the lower unit, it was due to eating some super hot wings. The hot sauce used was made by satan himself!

It was like passing fire. And water. At the same time.

Ug.

The Everglades said...

I like Pepto Besmol. I think it tastes amazing. Do you at least like the taste of Red Bull?

Blake

drobby said...

Arg. I just went through a few days of stomach malfunctions. Sucks. Feel better. (Wow, that was a bit commanding. I hope you feel better.)

Jerk Of All Trades 2.0 said...

I eat that candy that's the same color and hope it has a Placebo effect, sometimes it takes a couple bags.
Get well soon!

Ruben said...

Get better! I am having some problems with my stomach also and I just noticed that there is a label on my latest prescription that reads, "WARNING: THIS MEDICINE COULD UPSET YOUR STOMACH!"

Huh...what? can you say that again? My doctors are retarded!!!!

Popeye said...

Peppermint tea does it for me. Hope you feel better. . .

jazz said...

my dear dear friend alex has no qualms about saying "doodie." it's always, "i have to make a doodie." and that's okay. though, i'm not sure how you talk about the runny stuff.

thanks for stopping by my blog. i see we have a few readers in common!

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Justice said...

Poor thing. Get some rest and blog us all when you are feeling better.

Julie said...

I have learned more about poop and euphemisms here tonight...

jon said...

While you manage to score points with your female audience with your use of euphamisms, you have still managed to hold the interest of the male with the term, "violently spewing".

BRILLIANT!!

J.Klein said...

wow, I found the internet destination for bowel discussions didnt I. I agree with Jon, violent spewing always gets my attention. Hope you feel better!

Bethany said...

Being sick sucks! I actually think Im getting sick again.. and I felt like I was dying about 2 1/2 weeks ago... It def. sucks... hope you get well!!
ps.. I love the taste of pepto! lol.. I always have since I was a youngin!

midwest_hick said...

Just the taste of pepto would make me sick......feel better soon!

NCTRNL said...

Oh the anticipation of which end it will come from...

t.k.smith said...

Anything that looks that pink is just nasty. Eww, pepto sucks.

Anonymous said...

Awwwwww!

Get well soon AMG.
E-well wishes being sent to you across the blog-o-sphere.

Feeling like it's going to come from both ends is yucky. And you never know which end you'd prefer.

Guess the gnomes have upped their game, their slipping poison in your dinner.

Damn you gnomes!!!

*

Me said...

That sucks when you don't know what orifice to expect things to shoot out of.

Feel better!

Bob said...

My dear AMG,

I do hope that by this time you are feeling much better, and having no further ill effects of this condition.

My cousin Rod, when he was a child at home, would go to the refrigerator and drink Pepto str8 from the bottle like most people would drink milk from the carton. Not because his stomach hurt, but because he liked the taste. As strange as that sounds, he grew to be 6 feet 8 inches tall and a star HS basketball player. He is a farmer now and shows no ill effects from his taste for Pepto.

Get well, AMG! To your fans, you're family.

Bob

Bridget Unnel said...

Feel better and forget the Pepto. What you need is to down a scotch, straight up. It'll burn out whatever germs ail ya..

LocuTus of Borg said...

Sorry AMG that you are not feeling well - get better soon!!!!

POS said...

Try tequilla shots, they always make me feel better.

echrai said...

Feel better, hon. And euphemisms are always good. Nice and crunchy. Much tastier than feminisms. They're usually hairy and soggy.

TYSEN said...

Any better today? And if you were a gambling girl you could have taken bets on which "end" would produce whatever it was that you euphemized about... cash in on your sickness...

Storm said...

I hate that shit...literally! Hope you're feeling better today.

mysterygirl! said...

Awww, bummer. Feel better soon!

Anonymous said...

hope you feel better.....try ginger ale or peppermint candy.....natural ingredients to soothe acidity......!

nic3oz said...

Pepto always makes me gag and want to throw up more than whatever it is making me drink the stuff in the first place.

I hope you feel better soon :)

Anonymous Midwest Girl said...

Thanks for all the well wishes! I feel 100% better now. The pink stuff did the trick! :)

DIAMONDKT said...

girgle girgle, brrp brrp, pffft

:)

Sorry, that is the best I could imitating the sound effects in text.

moosh said...

The pepto tablets that you have to chew are so nasty cause they geta ll caught up in ya teeth. atleast with the liquid its kinda a one shot deal. Does it have to be so damn chalky??

im here somewhere said...

i was talking to my boss yesterday and i started to have the rumbly tummy so i knew i needed to get upstairs quick, but she wouldnt quit talking..i finally just said"i really have to go open my bar, im late" i ran upstairs to the bathroom, barely made it on when im pretty sure everything i ate all week started spewing from inside of me..(i love that i can talk about bodily functions here..using secret codewords)
oh, and pepto tablets are yuck. they make your toungue look like you have a pink yeast infection in your mouth.

Anonymous Midwest Girl said...

LilRed, feel free to talk about whatever bodily functions you wish. This is an open forum where people can discuss their intestinal problems without fear of persecution.

:phil: said...

AMG: Glad you're feeling better. I haven't had a decent 'dump' in about a year :-(