Wednesday, August 03, 2005

A Winning Lottery Ticket Would Be Good Too

Does anyone have $3,854 sitting around that they aren't using?

Can I have it?

Because that's how much I need to buy everything I want out of the latest Victoria's Secret catalogue. And I have approximately one-thousandth of the needed amount available in my "Completely Frivolous and Unnecessary Things" fund.

Oh, and that doesn't include taxes or shipping, so better slap another couple hundred bucks on to that total.

Sigh.

58 comments:

AlRo said...

*Reaches for wallet* well OOOOk then .. if you really need it .. will $4000 do?? I've only got $20's .. Hmm.. but i'm Canadian -- with exchange...

Ah.. screw it - why don't i just give you $10,000 .. and we'll all be happy with you in your victoria secret stuff ;)

K2 said...

Does this come with viewing privileges? If so... then I'm all-- wait, you know where I work, and that I don't have it either.

Damnitall!

Mr.X said...

do you want the ENTIRE catalog?

kate said...

While you're at it can you collect $5000 so that I can pay off my credit card bill? LOL.

brian said...

I'll give your 5 bux.

If I get pics.

--brian

p.s. swap links with you?

Miss_Vicki said...

I have connections. I'll hook you up ;)

Ok, I don't, but I wish I did. Seriously.

Tao said...

If you follow the aforementioned advice of posting pics, I can pretty much guarantee you'll have the whole catalog in a week, maybe two. :)
People make a career out of stuff like that, don't cha know.

Justice said...

Poor thing. Isn't it sad when there's something you want and you can't afford it? I must admit you have a huge list there.

corpus delicti said...

lol I'm not sure, the song's about both of us... somehow.

And.. I'd give you money. If I was rich, and knew you, and... stuff. But yeeeeeeah. lol good luck with that

Johnny Menace said...

what could you possibly need out of there? and don't say underwear you can always go comando

Jennifer said...

I was going to make the same comment about having someone else buy it with "viewing privledges", but as much as guys offer that, I have yet to have one put his money where his mouth is.....darnit

The Other Half said...

ha ha ha..that's great...i know...i flip through it and say...i'll just take one of everything!

justanothernickname said...

no i don't sorry...........maybe later

Jeremiah said...

Holy crap, how can you get yourself to save up that much money to spend it on underwear! I couldn't bring myself to it, but I'm a guy. I'm not saying it's a bad thing though.

ocg said...

It amazing how little pieces of fabulousness can indeed add up far too quickly...

Good luck...

Kiki said...

Hey if you find a sugar daddy, could you share some love over my way?!?! I got a lot of debt I need to pay off.

:)

Chark Hammis said...

Why dump all that cash on Victoria when all anybody really needs is a pair of orange, furry He-man underpants?

Fredo Teabaggins said...

I'll give you $5K if you comb the rats out of my mullet.

AlRo said...

Hahah.. that's funny - I don't care who ya are !!

DIAMONDKT said...

If you had yourself a good boyfriend then the problem would be solved. I never had a problem giving my girlfriend the credit card if she was headed to VS. The way I look at it, it was like she was almost shopping for me! Well, she wears it but I get to enjoy it - heehee.

Disgruntled Car Salesman said...

Yes, I will give you the money. No problem, just come see me in Milwaukee. You have to find me, but if you do, I will hand it over to you in cash form. No strings attatched. I'll give you a hint, I go by the nomenclature PJ.

Ruben said...

I'd sell my car for pics of you in that stuff! :-)

Friends of McDougal said...

Oh, I see where this is going ... right in the damn gutter.

Some innocent blogger posts a request for a couple of g's, and everyone gets all worked up ... wanting pics and personal grooming assistance ... for people linked from here to visit their blogs ... and so on and so on and so on.

I remember a day and time when attractive, anonymous midwestern girls could simply hang out a sign, asking their neighbors for assistance in these matters. That was a different time. That was before the Internet made everything so impersonal.

Now, we've all shut ourselves in to our air-conditioned fortresses, and we don't talk to our neighbors. We seek community in this magical box called the Internet.

Then a simple request like underwear financing gets turned into something sordid and unmentionable.

It makes me sad and makes my stomach hurt a little.

My advice to you, AMG, is to forget all these Internet cybersheysters and get yourself a posterboard and some colorful markers. Then cut the pics out of the catalog, and make a nice collage.

Over the collage, write: "lonely, young, nubile female in Apt. 3G needs underwear".

You might intentionally misspell words so that readers will feel sorry for you.

Then, I bet you'll get past these empty Internet promises, and someone will deliver the goods ...

or ...

you know ...

Do you have any mace, pepper spray, or ninja-like abilities?

I guess there's no simple answer.

Have you considered becoming an evangelical preacher? Or maybe a jewel thief? Or, maybe you could cut out the middle man and become a professional underwear thief ...

These all seem far fetched though.

Wait, wait, wait. Better idea: use the posterboard and markers to create your own exciting and unique lingerie.

I bet a carboard thong would be just the thing to cure you of your capitalist leanings.

austinizer said...

i've got $.87...that'll buy like one strap on a garter belt, right?

Ron said...

McDougal has GOT to have one of the funniest damn responses I've ever read...for anything. And don't waste your money on panties to begin with. They're cute and all, but they only serve a minimal purpose.

RoLo said...

Nice Blog!! check mine, it has to do with this one! Monologo
Facetado

allison said...

please tell me one of the items on the list is one of the banana moon string bikinis. they are sooo cute!

The Everglades said...

That magazine was my favorite picture book growing up--we weren't allowed to have late night HBO or MTV, but mom got a VS magazine every so often.

Too much info, I know.

Blake

Caroline Schmaroline said...

I have a total of $0.37 to spare. You can have it, but by the time I buy a stamp you wouldn't have much left over. Sorry! I am glad you enjoyed my story about my grandaddy shooting the dog., I just added another funny about those crazy old folks if you want to check it out. I won't actually go so fas as to put my blog right here, the rest of you can fins it if you want.

Fred said...

Since I'm a teacher, I can't even afford the cable service that provides the internet.

I'll be happy to send you the money I find on the floor, though.

Alecia said...

I don't blame you. Like you, I have a deep affection for all things underwear. Victoria's Secret especially. Except thongs. Which I know you probably enjoy because you look like you're a girl that can get away with wearing a thong, I however, know my limits. Anywho... just found your blog, you're quite amusing. I enjoy humor. Keep it up!

A

BeckEye said...

Those beautiful bitches at VS have blessed me with a Gold card all of a sudden. No warning, no fanfare, just *boom* one day last week I got it in the mail. This is their way of saying, "We want to make you feel special so you'll spend even more money that you don't have".

~The Goofy Ass Chick said...

Wow, that much money on fancy underwear huh? I'm a purse, shoes and clothes girl myself.

Underwear falls into a totally separate category. If I'm going to spend THAT much on underwear it better be a damn good occasion. I better be getting screwed by a man with a gold dick or something. With the men in the midwest, they're so redneck that if you just show up in THEIR underwear they'd be be like, "cool". :-)

Until I meet that perfect man that makes me want to change my mind, I'll stick with good ol' reliable granny panties until the need for the good stuff comes out. Besides, wearing granny panties keeps you honest! (You don't want to take off your clothes to reveal that you wear them!)

The Husband said...

vicki's secret...such a nice catalog. where do they find the girls for that thing...must be heaven. i used to buy an old girl friend stuff from there and some how my name is on the distribution list...not that really mind.

The Husband said...

oh, if you need cash i can show you how to make $50!

Captain Bee said...

I'd like to buy Tyra Banks from the catalog. How much does she run for?

immixmarketer said...

let's make babies...shall we?

jamwall said...

when you finally get the money, you'll have to show us how $3800 worth of underwear looks on you!

The Zombie Lama said...

Lingerie is SERIOUSLY overrated. With few exceptions, it comes off way to fast to be truly appreciated.

Me said...

I just got the Fall Fashion catalog. So much cute stuff that I want!!! Reminds me of how much money I don't have to spend on clothes.

~*Bettie said...

Love your blog! Glad to see that someone else listens to Cake AND reads shampoo bottles. . .


Some things are hard to come by these days!

Thanks for stopping by!

~Ty

GTX said...

You are pretty...yes, you are.

Anonymous said...

I just come here for the dirty comments - oh yeah, that's right, dirty comments. Anywho, I thought we agreed you wouldn't wear underwear?

Welching on her promises... typical.

The Man

SirTalksALot said...

Darn, I'm fresh out of that much money exactly. Maybe next time ;)

trish said...

I have about 3000 Thai Baht?? Does that help?

Wez said...

I'll pitch in.. and since you're in the midwest.. I'm close by for the viewing! = )

Gadfly said...

I'm shocked, shocked I am at the number of responses to this post. It's almost as if a bunch of random guys want to fuck an annonymous Midwest girl with big eyes and big dimples. Surely not.

southernstyle_katie said...

Found you on LOB's blog. Love the humor and love me some Vicki's...on first name basis with Victoria.

katie, with a lil k

Storm said...

Wow! Is there anything that you don't want from the catalogue?

Chris F. said...

I have a sneaking suspicion that if you did purchase nearly $4000 from Victoria's Secret, they may just waive shipping and handling. So you have that going for you!

Chris F. said...

OMG! AMG! I forgot to thank you for coming to my rescue last weekend. It neither went unnoticed, or unappreciated. I had no idea you even read my depressing blog!

Well, thanks!

redring said...

LOL, you have several options. Offer to post pics for the gift of Vic, or you can always go e-bay. I swear someone over there is working in one of those stores and helping them selves. I see the new stuff all the time cheap. I am not really a fan myself, there too precious for me I like steamy. And for the price, there just not much quality. Thanks for checking out my blog and posting. I love the Europe pics!!!

im here somewhere said...

i have a talent for sewing so i have been making my own..and they fit just right! i am very busty so things dont always fit right on the top and the bottom..

seriously, take up sewing, its cheaper.

Kel said...

You rock. Let's be friends. I'm glad you like my Atkins humour. :)

Anonymous Midwest Girl said...

HOLY CRAP! 54 comments! I am in comment heaven. Thanks, ya'll. Each comment is like a little snort of cocaine to my brain.

john boy said...

As long as it's being put to good use.

Chixulub said...

Damn, guess I'm late for dinner. I got all warm inside when you were just talking about lounging in a bikini.

The AMG goes to Europe stuff is great, but the AMG models the Victoria's Secret line! Oh, gosh, I'm blushing.

DR68 said...

Holy Hell that was a lot of comments to be #58...
Okay, AMG = Hot...but for all you guys willing to give money for pics...Order something one time, get the magazine for life. Plus, every item has a freaking supermodel wearing it!!!

Hello...McFly