Friday, October 07, 2005

I Swear to God I Will Deny This Post Ever Happened

What I am about to write I will later not believe I wrote, and will be forced to admit I did write it when presented with this post as proof. Therefore, sometime in the near future, I may delete this post and destroy all references to it. If someone takes a screenshot or saves it and provides that as evidence that this post existed, I will cry foul and accuse them of some nifty Photoshop work. I may even sue for slander.

I. Am. Glad. It's. Fall.

There, I said it. I'm glad it's fall. It was 46 degrees this morning, and I was happy. I'm glad it was cold, I enjoyed the chilliness, and I may have even reveled in it a bit.

Now, one must remember that I am, quite possibly, more related to the cold-blooded reptiles of this earth than I am to other humans. I am always cold and must use outside heating sources to keep me warm. I have a heater on full blast in my office at all times to ward off the effects of the air conditioning. I spend hours in the summer sunbathing in my backyard. In the winter, I sit in front of the fire and absorb the heat as if it was oxygen and necessary to keep me alive. I continually contort my body into pretzel-like positions in order to conserve body heat. I. hate. cold.

The summer-to-fall transition this year has been horrendous. Cold, then hot. 90 degrees, then 50. Sunny, then raining. Freezing at night, then so hot you need a fan. Yes, that's somewhat normal, but I like to think this year has been especially bad.

When it started to get a bit chilly, I performed the Bringing Out Your Fall Clothes That You Forgot You Owned and Are Now Excited to Wear Because It's Like You Got a Whole New Wardrobe, Only Free ceremony. It was actually good timing, because I was completely sick of all my summer clothes.

However, then, just one day after I wore my first sweater, the weather turned again. From mid-fifties to NINETY FREAKING DEGREES. And this is one reason I hate the midwest. I actually just said, "Fuck it!" and wore a fall outfit anyways, which was a bad idea because I was comfortable in my office but immediately became drenched in sweat when I walked outside.

So...I am asking our benevolent god (the noodly one, of course) to just let fall happen. I understand that you are trying to make me happy by throwing in some hot days here and there, but (and I can't believe I'm saying this), I got my fill this summer. I will be taking that statement back in January when it's twenty below freezing, but as for now, I'd just like some normal fall weather.

Please.

24 comments:

echrai said...

It's not just the midwest. It's all over. I cannot believe that it's October and we've got weather in the high 70s?! I mean - I remember how every freaking Halloween, my mother would try to force my winter coat on me over whatever costume I had chosen that year. Fairy princesses do NOT wear winter coats over their wings. And putting the wings over the coat was just so not gonna happen. Well, until it was the choice of Trick or Treating or not. I like warm weather, too, and I feel your pain. Bring on the autumnal weather.

Dave Morris said...

I wore a long sleeve shirt outside this morning and it felt great. For just a moment... like you, the thought crossed my mind that... I was glad it is Fa...

Uh. I can't say it. Sorry.

But I was happy to wear a shirt I had forgotten I had.

NCTRNL said...

I'm glad someone else admitted that they're glad it's fall. I get sick of the damn humidity. I just want cool, crisp nights...

Karlos said...

Hey, I'm with you. I'm glad it's fall and I don't care who knows!

It got up to a whopping 57 degrees today in the ol' Alamo City. It was a much-welcomed drop in temp.
Hopefully it'll stay cool, benevolent noodly one permitting!

Cj

exile said...

i never doubted the reptile thing ever since the a-peeling photos you posted after your sunburn

Aliecat said...

Ugh, it's like that in Minneapolis too...I keep trying to guess where you;re from...

Wez said...

The weather around here has been crazy! Keeps switching from way hot to cold.. and now.. way cold! I am refusing to turn on the heat at my house. Its 59 degrees in here right now!!!

ps

If you find that you need help keeping warm... let me know. = )

Chixulub said...

I just want to go on record that I do NOT believe in global warming. I wish I could, because if we could make it happen, it would mean more fresh water, more biomass, etc., to support our teaming population, but I just don't believe gasoline and coal are warming the planet.

What they are doing (and what COULD help boost biomass if some theories are correct) is releasing trapped carbon into an atomsphere that was troughed out. So when you fill up for $3 a gallon or turn the heater up to 68 instead of 55, just think of all the carbon you're freeing. You're doing the Green thing.

Dane said...

Up in the lovely land of Saskatchewan, we prepare for that kind of crap. I have a winter jacket and a pair of shorts in my car. Fall's already here though. We're just waiting for that first snow.

I already miss summer.

Brat said...

Another fall lover checking in! Well, I love fall, when it is the end of summer and I am ready for some relief. I love fall when winter sets in and snow is on the ground. OK, so I love fall in comparrison to other bad seasons. Oh well! I do love fall!

Brat said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
BadGod said...

Gotta love Nebraska weather.

BadGod said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
sue said...

Here in Iowa it's been exactly the same...oh, wait...you could BE in Iowa, what am I thinking? ;)

This morning there was a thick layer of frost on everything. I think it's officially FALL. Personally, I'm waiting for winter...love the snow...

bigfootcookie said...

Yup, I'm well bored of the summer now.
I want some nice cold frosty mornings and autumn cool weather, so you can feel nice and snug and warm indoors, and feel as though you've earnt it when you come in from the cold.

Walking Wounded said...

"When it started to get a bit chilly, I performed the Bringing Out Your Fall Clothes That You Forgot You Owned and Are Now Excited to Wear Because It's Like You Got a Whole New Wardrobe, Only Free ceremony." HAHAHA! I'm right there too.

I love when the weather starts to get chilly so I can wear clothes I love but are simply too warm for any other season. I like the fall for one simple reason: SWEATERS. I love sweaters.

Peace

Roonie said...

I'd like a little more warning, you know, instead of that 50 degree drop.

Captain Bee said...

Winter kicks ASS!

I can't wait for the snow.

Nytro said...

i love fall because it's so... crisp. that's it. that's the word that i search for to describe fall. there is a crispness in the air that makes me happy... even if it is 40 degrees outside. and the colors on the mountain and the trees is unbelievable. yep. fall is my favorite season of the year.

Popeye said...

Fall is my favorite...

nic3oz said...

i love fall even if it only lasts about a minute before the deathly chill of winter...at which point i will close shop and hibernate until may

K2 said...

d00d, I spent the weekend in high-80-low-90-degree San Diego, with the sun blasting down every day (but Saturday). In fact, I watched the last NLDS game from a bar on the roof of a hotel across the street from Petco Park's left field, wearing a jersey, cuz it was still that nice out at 10pm PST (or are we still PDT?)! I've always been one that likes the 4 seasons, and has a 4wd for winter, but after spending 4 days drinking beer on the balcony of a room on the 23rd floor of a hotel overlooking San Diego Bay, I think I can do without. So, Miss AMG, you can keep your fall, and your winter...

Thank His Noodliness for relocation

I'll still write though, I promise :)

Sangroncito said...

I love the fall and it just turned spring here in Brazil...yikes!

LoreliaGilmore said...

one of reasons 109857683903902 i love L.A. Winter Spring Summer and Fall are all pretty much tank top and flip flop weather!