Wednesday, March 08, 2006

Further Proof That Little Elves Who Enjoy Fucking with* Me on Occasion Live in My House.

How is it even possible that I can be sitting in bed, change the channel, and immediately lose the remote? I just had it. Literally two seconds ago. I have a defective gene in me somewhere. The able-to-keep-track-of-things-you-touch-for-more-than-a-split-second gene.

* I couldn't remember if "with" was a preposition and therefore should be capitalized in the title, so I quietly sang to myself the "Preposition Song" I learned in high school. I will be happy to provide lyrics and/or sing it to anyone who asks! And what a treat that would be, because I roughly have the voice of a dying alley cat, or Ashlee Simpson**! Also note that in that same English class we learned that all of Emily Dickinson's poems can be sung to the theme from "Gilligan's Island." Try it. "Because I could not stop for Death, He kindly stopped for me; The carriage held but just ourselves, And Immortality!" I am a loser.

** Have you heard her new song "L.O.V.E."? The first few times I heard it I wasn't really paying attention, and thought she was singing " 'Ello, 'ello, 'ello," like the British way cooler version of "hello." Interestingly enough, AMBF, upon hearing that song for the first time, had the exact same thought. Proof positive that we're soul mates. Same misheard Ashlee Simpson song lyrics? Check.


the belligerent intellectual said...

I sing the helping verbs song from time to time, just in case someone incorrectly identifies "should" as the predicate of a sentence I can call them out on it.

hannah said...

On occassion, just for fun, I sing the nine planets ditty.

"My Very Educated Mother Just Served Us Nine Pizzapies."

By the way, I am severly troubled by your recent lack of posting. Subpar, AMG, subpar indeed.

girlalex said...

I lose things like that all the freaking time! Stupid elves.

Ps - I <3 your blog

Anonymous Midwest Girl said...

Belligerent - I should hope you call them out. Call them out and shoot them in the head. People like that don't deserve to live.

Hannah - Ours was "Moving Vans Embarrass Me Just So U Know (with an "n") Please." It makes no sense, but as third graders my class created it ourselves, and I've never forgotten it. And I'm sorry about the lack of posts. I just plain suck. I desperately need a more interesting life.

Girl - I <3 you back.

mwp said...

I must be a loser also, because I just sang those Dickinson lines to myself in the Gilligan's Island tune. I couldn't just believe you, could I?

Anyway, I have been seriously lacking with the posts lately as well. There must be an epidemic going around...

QueSaraSara said... see, I was always taught to capitalize any word longer than four letters in a title, even if it's a conjunction or preposition. (However, when I Googled to try to find this rule, I found references to capitalizing conjunctions and prepositions with five letters or more. I'm starting to think my entire education has been a sham.)

I don't know verb or preposition songs, but unfortunately now I have the Books of the New Testament Song in my head.

Anonymous said...

I must be your soul mate too because I still think she is saying ello until i hear the v e everytime i hear the song.

ashok said...

Came upon your blog looking for posts about Emily Dickinson. Found myself frightened by the prospect of singing her work to the tune of Gilligan's Island.

I've been spending a lot of time thinking about her. Here is a commentary on Emily Dickinson that I hope you find enjoyable.

The Sandmonkey said...

How does the preposition song go exactly?

hanmee said...

That's interesting because I always learned that Emily Dickinson poems could be sung to the Yellow Rose of Texas.

Ritardo said...

If losing things in bed doesn't involve the nether-regions, your good.

AlRo said...

I never saw a moore,
I never saw the sea,
Yet know I how the Heather looks,
And what a billow be.

I never spoke with god,
Nor visited in heaven,
Yet certain I am of the spot,
As if the checks were given.


Ok.. if you stretch the sounds of the lyrics - i SUPPOSE the Gilligan Theme would work..

After ready that emily dickinson poem .. i wrote one of my own.

We know the moore
We know the Ship
We know the turning seas
We smells the breads
Of Cooky's Cookin'
Where the gally be.

We check the sails
We weigh the rudder
We guide her Westward Bound,
She tumbles swell to swell
With creaking timber sound.

To homeward-land
To homeward-land
We steer our sailing ship.
To wife or maiden we look to fore
For waiting kissing lip.

Hi-dee Ho-there
Mr. Captain
Tell us how good our tides.
We've sailed for twice a fortnight
With ballists side to side.

To home we sail
For inn and ale
By morrow we will land.
By haste or grace
Or prayer or blessed
By god's great guiding hand.

Land Be Ho'
By eyeglass show
The tides of happy bring.
For happy song,
We moore the ship
So that our heart would sing.

AlRo said...

oh man-- that is weird - the Gilligan Theme works on that too!!

Anonymous Midwest Girl said...

Alshrim, wow. And you don't have to stretch out the "I never saw a moore" TOO badly - just the "nevers" in the first lines of each stanza. I tell you, it works!

Sandmonkey, you will regret this. I promise. I think it's sung to the toon of "I've been working on the railroad," but I can't remember for sure, and when I try to hum it, all I can do is remember the preposition song and not the original song. Here goes.

Aboard, about, above, acroo-ooos/
After, against, aloo-o-o-ong/
Amid, among, around, aaaaa-at/
Before, behind, below/
Beneath, beside, between, be-yond/
By, down, during, except for!
From, from among, from between, from under/
In, into, of, off, on/
Out of, outside, over, round, round about, since, through, throughout, to, unto!
Under, underneath!
Up, upon, with, within, and without!

Chris said...

Wow. Your skill at losing things borders on the miraculous. I thought I was bad, but I bow in the presence of a master.

CheyenneWay said...

Never fear AMG I'll save the day! My laboratory is currently working on a knockout gene to cure those "senior" moments aka "Brain Farts".

Just last week we ran a successfull test run on a family of south african honey bees. Nine times out of 478 they were able to successfully move in unison with a record playing "Flight of The Bumblebee". Wait, what were we talking about?

/just posted to see "is totally hot" by my name
//slashies for breakfast!

Brianne said...

I always always always lose things the second that I touch them. Happened just this morning. And will probably happen again today.

Roonie said...

This is why you're one of the funniest/cutest bloggers out there (and by "cute," I mean it platonically - I'm a woman!). Because your footnotes - of your own statements - are longer than the post itself. That is just, really, so you. I love it. Truly.