Friday, April 07, 2006

I Know This is a Terrible Post, But Life Has Been Boring Lately So Just Bear With Me.

For the most part, I love my job. I have my own office, a comfy chair, and a fish. There are, of course, things I would change, such as accidentally pushing this guy who thinks he's my boss but actually isn't and doesn't put any money towards my paycheck but nonetheless wants to have his grimy little fingers all over everything I do over a cliff. Just little things like that. That and the goddamn air conditioning in this building. What is the point of having four seasons outside if every single day it's just one degree above freezing inside? I have dealt with this over the past six years with a variety of methods, such as layering, wrapping blankets around me, and - this is the best solution - cranking my space heater up to 120 degrees and aiming it straight at me. This worked even better once I got my own office, and my tiny 8' by 12' space would became a sauna in no time. While I might freeze any time I had to leave my office, at least inside that room I was toasty and comfortable (although visitors have been known to break out in a sweat and faint).

However. In a seemingly unrelated incident that will shortly become related, last week I bought a slice of Snickers Cheesecake when I was at lunch. I wasn't hungry, but it looked so good I had to have some (much like that 14-year-old looked to Roman Polanski). So when I got back to work, I wrote my name on the box and put it in the shared refrigerator. The next day, I decide that I would like me some cheesecake. In fact, I'm ravenous for it at this point. I go to get it, and...it's gone. Someone has taken it. Gasp! I'm crushed, since I was so longing for it at that point.

Later that night, a solution dawns on me. I know! I will get a mini-fridge for my office! It's the perfect solution, as I could store a dozen cans of Diet Mountain Dew in it and all my future cheesecake purchases would be safe!

I buy one and plug it in. Hmmm. Now here's the problem. I can no longer plug in my heater (together it'd be too many amps for my outlet to handle). A decision has to be made. Cold drinks and cheesecake or warm, fuzzy heat? So far, I've gone for the cold drinks (which, of course, have led me to be even colder). I've coped by keeping my coat on all day and wrapping a blanket around my legs. I've gone a week on the cold office regimen, and I don't know how much longer I can do this. Is it wrong to say I can't wait for menopause and the hot flashes?

25 comments:

Chris said...

You could always try drinking at your desk throughout the day. Liquor tends to keep one fairly warm.

True, your job performance might suffer, but that's their own damn fault for keeping the place so cold and stealing your cheesecake, isn't it?

dub said...

wow, i never knew that food stealing actuall took place. that's horrible!

i hear you on the whole one degree above freezing in the office thing. what's awesome about my desk is that it sits under not 1 but 2 vents that blow the bitter arctic air on me.

for that reason, i'd have to go with the space heater.

perhaps, to avoid more food theft, try wrapping your treats in a brown bag before putting them in the fridge. at that point, if somebody still has the balls to pull the brown bag out, open it and take your food, god will have a harsh punishment awaiting them in the afterlife.

Anonymous said...

Amps?
Screw it, plug 'em in and blow the place.

*

Sue Richards said...

I used to freeze. Now I dread summer.
Be careful what you wish for.

Menopausal and melting.

Sue Richards

Robert said...

I'm thinking the thieving refrigerator bandit needs to find something like a chocolate Ex-Lax cheesecake pie.

Vegas Princess said...

Tough choice. Working in an environment that is also freezing cold and having lunch thieves poach my meals from the community fridge as well would lead me to really think about this point. But I do believe I would have to stick with the heater and just leave nasty notes on the fridge demanding replacement for my tasty trates being pinched.

Vegas Princess said...

tasty treats...not trates (I'm tired, sorry for posting and not spell checking)

Mr. Toast said...

Potential solutions: (a) see if maybe there isn't a second wall outlet in your office that might be on a seperate circuit breaker; not very likely, but possible. (b) get a smaller space heater, or one that has a "low" setting that might not draw as much current (c) leave another slice of cheesecake in the fridge, but lace it with rat poison. Then when you start to hear the coughing and gagging, you'll immediately know who the responsible lowlife is.*

*Disclaimer: Solution "C" is illegal, immoral, and not recommended, even though it might be totally justified. I'm just saying.

Paladin said...

Tsk. Your solution is simple!

Mini-fridges put out a lot of heat from one vent or another. Point the vent under your desk and suppliment the heat with a smaller heater of some sort. (I'd recommend an oil-filled radiator).

Oh, and battery-heated socks (with rechargeable batteries) are supposed to be the bomb for the 'always cold' crowd!

Ebal said...

I enjoy your site. It is witty, and interesting. I might have a solution, buy a cooler. You don't have to plug it in
and the ice will keep things ice cold for about 2 days... Plus you can use it for a foot prop when your heater is off..If it ever is.. Shalom

AstonWest said...

Plug an extension cord into the nearest plug outside your office for the second source...drill a hole in the adjoining office's wall (if available) if need be.

Boobless Brigade Master said...

Yes. Yes it is wrong to say that you can't wait for menopause and hot flashes. Be careful what you wish for! Trust me on this one. I'm speaking from experience here. After moving away from sunny south Florida and being perpetually cold even in the summer time here in the Midwest, the thought of menopause and hot flashes were appealing to me as well. Now that I'm officially in what they call chemo-pause, I have to say...it sucks ass. Bad. Smelly. Ass.
The problem is this: One minute, you feel like your head is going to spontaeously combust. This causes you to sweat instantly. And I mean, like-you-just-got-done-running-a-marathon-sweat. One minute later, you feel any type of air, be it hot or cold, hitting your boiling body and you instantly become cold. And I mean 65 degree-hypothermic-water-cold.
My daughter, bless her heart, has the timing down perfectly from the time I need the window opened to the time I need it closed, without asking any more.
Plug your heater back in and put all future food purchases in a brown paper bag labeled "Liver and Onions".
Althuogh I love the idea of the Ex-Lax laced cheesecake too!

Chixulub said...

I work in an office that strives for double-duty as a meat locker, so I feel your pain. We even built a new building, and the only thing we got on the heating front was a new policy that space heaters in cubicles are grounds for castration without malice.

But as far as I can tell, HR hasn't figured out what to do about mini-fridges, so maybe I'll bring mine in...

DIAMONDKT said...

Another plus to menopause, you won't get your period anymore! I know every women is looking forward to that. Hell, I'm looking forward to not putting up with PMS from surrounding woman. Pure bliss.

Brianne said...

Oh yes.. I know how you feel. Although no one I work with would steal food like that, my roommate would. My boyfriend and I have to sneak food into our room and hide it in our mini fridge. At least we haven't had to resort to adding a lock onto our door. But it does suck. As for the office situation, I'd say go for the warm fuzzy heat and if you have something particularly special that you don't want anyone to get their grubby hands on, then switch it over to the mini fridge and forego the warmth for a day or two. That's what I'd do! But there is something to be said for being wrapped up in a warm blanket....

Neil said...

Wouldn't it be better to set up a web cam by the fridge and do a sting operation so you can learn who is stealing the cheesecakes?

Ben O. said...

Well, at least it beats felonious castration.

Ben O.

hanmee said...

The crappy freezing temperature must be in some office building specs because it seems to be a rule in whatever office I have worked in. It's been the worst here though. Nothing like wearing a sweatshirt (on occasion) to work and then looking like an imbecile when you walk outside and realize it's 70 degrees.

Unfortunately, my space heater is total crap and it's past the return date.

angelsarentfree said...

Can't you just buy one of those power strips or something and plug it all into that?

Anonymous said...

How about a gas heater?

Mister Underhill said...

I don't understand the whole frozen office thing. It makes me nuts at my work, too. I used to think it had to do with so many people being fat, but here almost everyone is thin as a rail or else a bodybuilder type.

We also have control over the thermostat, but several people always seem hot...and I feel like I have frostbite!

exile said...

simple solution, run an extention cord from your neighbor's desk to yours

sirbarrett said...

Yes, it's wrong to say you can't wait until menopause. Then you wouldn't enjoy the outdoors. That's quite the compromise you've made, but I'm sure it's worth it. Exile has a good idea. What is wrong with these people at your work?!

Jeremy said...

I used to keep a small, relatively quiet fan-cooled fridge on my desk that could hold about 6 cans (my poison was also Diet Mountain Dew coincidentally). I think it was about $50 at Target. But after going through two of them over a couple years, I gave up. The fans would start vibrating and make a god awful racket. I should have just gone for the little fridge with a compressor instead of being a cheapskate. At least no one else in my office drinks Diet Dew and is tempted to steal them out of the fridge.

Incidentally, they changed the formula of Diet Mountain Dew recently. :-( The new version with splenda is terrible (I started a website and petition) to try to get the old formula back. I think I'm going to give up caffeine entirely if I can't get it back.

cat said...

I say either the extension cord idea, or the cooler idea are the ones I would go with. I am new here. Like it lots. Got your link from The Honey Bunny. I will return. You entertain me! Thank you!