Sunday, November 15, 2009

border patrol? thank you for protecting us!

One of my friends is a Canadian citizen who recently had to go through the US on her way to Mexico. She just emailed me these snippets from her conversations with the border guards and I can't stop laughing.

Him: Why does your friend live in Seattle if he's Canadian?
K: He works for
Him: Why?
K: I don't know... because they hired him??
Him: How long has he worked there?
K: Almost 9 years. he has a visa, but he applied for a green card a couple years ago.
Hhim: Well, he's not gonna get it, I'll tell you that right now.
K: ...ok....


Him: Where are you going?
K: Mexico.
Him: Have you been to Mexico before?
K: No.
Him: Where in Mexico?
K: Puerto Vallarta. The resort is called Velas Vallarta.
Him: You're being pretty vague...where are you staying specifically?
K: Like I said, it's called Velas Vallarta, in Puerto Vallarta.
Him: Is it in Nuevo Vallarta?
K: No, it's in Puerto Vallarta.
Him: Yeah, but where is it?
K: I don't's on the water.
Him: There are over 200 hotels on the water there, where is this one?
K: I don't know the address!


Him: Have you ever been arrested?
K: No.
Him: You sure?
K: Yes, I'm sure I've never been arrested.
Him: I don't believe you.
K: Well, you have my passport, can't you see that on your computer that I've never been arrested?
Him: Well, I'm gonna let you go, but know I don't believe you.


Him: Who booked the trip, you or your friend?
K: My friend.
Him: Why didn't you?
K: Well, only one of us was going to book it, since we were going together. So it was 50/50 odds.


Him, while searching my purse: What's this?
K: Just some mail I picked up on my way out the door.
Him: I'm going to open your bank statement.
K: Um...ok... (while thinking, "What, are you expecting to see 'DEPOSIT FROM TERRORIST ORGANIZATION: $2,000,000'????????????")


She also overheard the same guard asking another woman from their bus questions in another WTF interview.

Him: Are you going to work in the States?
Her: No, I'm going to visit my daughter.
Him: Well, does she live here illegally?
Her: No, she's a professor at the university and has been for 25 years.
Him: You come down here a lot.
Her: Yes, she's my daughter.
Him: Well, you shouldn't visit her so much.


Anonymous said...

Hilarious, thanks for sharing.

When we (wife and me) visited the US in 2001, they made us fill out these green slips, with question like "Are you a member of the Nazi Party?" and "Are you a member of a terrorist organization?" - I found myself wondering if any terrorists had accidentally ticked that box, then had to ask for a new form.

I hear US Border Patrol has gotten a lot tougher since 911 - an Australian friend gets regular harassment going back to her home in the US. Makes me pretty happy to stay right here in Australia, or at least not travel to the US.


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Anonymous said...

Those U.S. Border Patrol guards (the ones at the legal crossing points) can ask you any thing they feel like asking you. Unless you're a U.S. citizen, you are NOT protected by their Constitution or anti-harrassment laws.
One time I was asked if I'd ever been arrested. I told them the truth, "no". I got through, but it made me wonder: so WHAT if I've ever been arrested? Isn't a person INNOCENT until convicted? Therefore, the question is out of order. But go tell those dumbasses that! As if cops don't make mistakes all the time when arresting someone!!! Just remember to kiss a border guard's ass as tenderly as you can -- after all, since they don't get paid much, having his/her ass kissed is a "perk" of the job. Many as simply bullies with a uniform and too much damn power!!!