Thursday, February 24, 2005

Nebraska! Come for the Cook's Ham Butt, Stay for the Smoldering Manure Mountain.**

Reading my previous posts and the comments, I realized that I may have made my home state out to be less than thrilling. So I have compiled a list of all the fantastic things there are to do and see here. (This is for you, Walking Wounded - you are coming to what can only be described as the most uniquely shaped state in the union! Besides Michigan. Or Delaware.)

1. Carhenge. This is what happens in Nebraska when people get bored and drink whiskey.



2. The Great Platte River Road Archway Monument, or as we locals affectionately call it, "That Thing Over the Interstate." That's right, folks, we here in Nebraska have the technology to build a bridge over the interstate. And - get this - you can walk across it. And I love this description of it: "The Great Platte River Road Archway Monument rises above the Nebraska plains, evoking memories of the timeless West." Because the folks on the Oregon Trail (did anyone else play and love that game? I always died of diphtheria.) often encountered giant, 8-story buildings in the middle of the prairie.

3. The Henry Doorly Zoo. Worth visiting if only for the word "Doorly."

4. Casinos. Actually these are in Iowa right across the river. But they make the list because everyone in Nebraska goes there.

5. BoysTown. Although why you would want to go here, I'm not sure. It's kind of famous, I guess...it's got that statue with the one kid carrying his brother with the quote "He ain't heavy, Father, he's m' brother." And there was that 1938 movie "Boys Town" starring Spencer Tracy and Mickey Rooney, so if you're a huge fan of old movies, maybe it'd be kind of interesting. And OH MY GOD, the tagline to that movie is 'The life story of a boy who was "born to be hung'!" There are so many jokes there, but I'm going to go with this one: I watched that movie last night...except it was called "Cumming of Age" and starred Starburst Arbor* and Duke Steel.


*My real "porn name" based on the first pet's name and street you grew up on formula.
**Ripped of from Robert.
***For more on the manure fire, click here.

20 comments:

Robert said...

Using that formula, I'd be Scruffy Brookmark. Sounds more like a bit part on Gunsmoke as Festus' brother.

By cracky little lady, soon as I find my teeth, it's on!

LeRoy said...

Did anyone else used to put all their teachers in as people while playing Oregon Trail just to watch them go down with typhoid, cholera, and then run out of food and die a horrible death? That always brought a smile to my third grade face. Oh, no, we tried to ford the river and lost 4 bullets and 3 tires! Or maybe that was just me...

echrai said...

Ugh. I'd be Misty Wilson. Sounds like Mr. Wilson's estranged daughter who used to babysit for Dennis the Menace when he was an infant. Joy.

And I would put in all snack foods or cleansers. Oh no! Mr. Clean's gone down! We lost PineSol! Or, much better, Mr. Peanut's got typhoid.

pangolin said...

The best part about the Carhenge website is there is an actual picture of an Actual Person (a man) named LaVern Faber. And he's white. And he is standing right next to a man named Dobby Lee. You can't make names like that up.

The Author said...

I must see Carhenge. It absolutely HAS to top the Big Apple on your way out of Toronto heading towards Ottawa.

I've also seen Max the Moose in Dryden, the giant Nickel in Sudbury, Husky the Muskiein Kenora, a big-ass Muskoka Chair in Gravenhurst, a life sized (yes, LIFE SIZED!!!) Holstein Cow in Woodstock, and a huge Winnie the Pooh in White River.

You definitely have to come up to the Great White North and check us out.

Cheers,
Chester Simonston*

The Author said...

Hey AMG, do you do email? (I gots a secret to tell...)

exile said...

NO SECRETS, SHARE WITH THE CLASS!

oregon trail rocked, i remember when they finally got it in 3 whole colors!

Walking Wounded said...

Ha, that's funny! I'll have to take a trek to Carhenge to snap a photo to send back to NY. That's cool. Maybe I will try to recreate the windows wallpaper. The possibilities are endless...

I've seen the Casinos in Council Bluffs, but never actually went inside to play. Are they fun? I mean can you play poker and stuff or is it all slots and craps???

I like the movie "Boys Town" but I thought the tag line from the movie was, "He ain't heavy, father... he's my brother!" I could be mistaken though because it has been many years since I wrote a paper on the movie. Uh oh, the long term memory is fading...

LOL

Anonymous Midwest Girl said...

Boutros - I emailed you...I can't wait...it'd better be worth it!

Walking Wounded - Yep, they're "real" casinos, complete with all the money-losing games you're accustomed to - blackjack, poker, craps, roulette, etc. As far as the tagline, that's what IMDB said...and they know EVERYTHING.

Dave Morris said...

Pecos Truman.

Mexican presidential material? No, PORN STAR.

I had a weird childhood.

corey said...

http://www.bigthings.ca/newbruns/mauger.html
http://www.icomm.ca/emily/pictures/niceaxe.jpg

Two big things close to where I live, in another cold place.

pachoo said...

I don't get it...what's the point of Carhenge? Is it suppose to be a tribute to the American car?

pachoo said...

Oh, and I forgot, you can download Oregon Trail here:

http://www.the-underdogs.org/game.php?id=2972

I could never make it to the end because I'd run out of food and I sucked at hunting.

NJ said...

I just read that they put out the smoldering mountain of manure, one less thing to go see. :-( My porn name would be Nicky Hampton.

Walking Wounded said...

AMG, you're right! It was buggin' me so I had to look it up. The quote I referred to appears on a monument at the real Boys Town engraved. It can be seen in the movie but they do not speak of it.

Cool thing about Council Bluffs. The more research I do I guess I'm finding out that I will not go through culture shock in Lincoln because I will be close to so many cool, weird things!

Walking Wounded said...

Oh I forgot, my porn name would be "Star Williams" - but that sounds like a chicks name! Unless I use my second pet's name, then it would be "Rahlo Williams" which sounds so pimp, dude!

LOL

BKing said...

Rocky Conestoga.... that'd be my name... actually, that would tie in perfectly with the Oregon Trail game, the new X-Rated Version. "Hello there girls, you can call me Rocky Conestoga, because thats what your wagon will be doin' all the way to the Pacific Ocean. Like they always say, "If the wagon's a-rockin', don't come knockin'". I can see it now. A classic to be sure.

-bking
udbking.blogspot.com

Chris Cope said...

I remember seeing the Archway a few years ago during a cross-country trip. It reminded me quite a bit of a McDonald's just outside of Gary, Ind. Except that the Archway is the only thing to look at.

I get the sense that a number of seniors have driven themselves off the road while looking at it.

Aaron the Truck Driver said...

Who invented Oshkosh?
Nebraska or Wisconsin?

Paladin said...

Starburst????

I had a pet named Starburst once!

It was a turtle that I named because it had these 'starburst' designs on it, and because I like the candy...