In case anyone was wondering what a horrible person I am, here's evidence:
Today, on my way to work, I heard that loud screech that happens when someone has slammed on their brakes quickly and they skid forward.
And I was disappointed when no loud crash followed.
I am going to hell.
Now, don't get me wrong, I didn't want anyone to get hurt, but a follow-up crash would have been nice. It's just such a letdown when you hear that prelude to a crash, it's not followed by a satisfying crunch of metal. You get excited for nothing - your pulse goes up and your heart races, and then you wait...and nothing.
Not only am I going to hell, I may be going to the deepest circle of hell for that - the one reserved for...traitors? Dante's ninth circle of hell is for traitors? (Is "circle of hell" a proper noun? Should that be capitalized?) Murderers saunter into the sixth circle, but a traitor goes straight to nine? I may rethink that murderer for hire gig I passed up last week.
Wednesday, February 16, 2005
Prelude to a Crash
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7 comments:
Haha... The first thing that came to my head when I read this post was the stand-up piece by comedian Dane Cook called "Car Accident." What a funny guy.
You’re not cruel; you're just neurotic! The completion of the event would have been a crash. The lack of the completion left you feeling empty. See, not evil, just crazy
You know what's worse? When you find out someone is terminally ill and mentally prepare yourself for their death, then feel kind of let down when they get better.
omg Dane Cook is great! People are coming out of bushes...setting up bleachers... Gotta love that guy, he's even funnier if you see a video vs just listening to the audio.
I really enjoy your blog.
Last week I was in a car wreck and I was dissapointed I didn't destroy anything (Like a sign or guard rail etc...) What does that make me?
Dear AMG:
We're looking forward to your arrival! You will have a small chateau, already reserved for you by me, with beachfront access on the river Styx.
You will have constant acid reflux and fleas will infest your tender areas.
You will drive a Kia. It's radio is permanently tuned to our polka station.
You will work in our christian bookstore. There will be no customers.
You will permanently smell like ass. See you soon!
Yours truly,
Beelzebub
Prince of Darkness
PS - you got major balls.
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