Thursday, April 14, 2005

But At Least I Don't Smoke

I always get very excited around this time of year. It's so close to being summer I can almost taste it. tastes like coconut.* I still get antsy for the end of May to come, because my brain still thinks that the end of May = the beginning of summer vacation. Never mind the fact that I haven't had a summer vacation since I graduated high school oh so many years ago. Never mind the fact that corporate America forces its employees to toil inside in windowless offices during those perfect summer days. Never mind the fact that all I want to do is go sit out in the sun and soak up its wonderful, cancer-causing rays.

Which brings me to my next random point. I also can't wait for summer because there is very little I enjoy more than laying out. For one, it makes my already smooth, sleek body even smoother and sleeker, if that's possible. It's all about slipping into my new bikini, grabbing a towel and an summery drink (like amaretto and 7up...mmmm....alcohol) and heading out to the dock at my friend's lake cabin. There is NOTHING** better than laying there feeling the rays of that bright orb in the sky caressing your body, making it warm to the touch. Watching your skin turn golden with a subtle sheen of suntan oil. Having the hunky pool boy constantly bringing you a neverending supply of drinks. Okay, so there's no pool boy at the cabin. But really, how cool would that be? (snap, snap) "Jorge! Another drink!" "Right away, Miss AMG!" And all of the drinks would have those little umbrellas...sigh. Once I win the lottery***, the first thing I'm going to do is get a hunky pool boy.

But as you can see, I love laying out. What I'm sayin' is, the sun and I, we get along. And cancer? EFF YOU. I am fully aware of the dangers of tanning. However, I have faith that our wonderful men and women in the science fields will work something out by the time I'm forty. Um, really, please do? Cause I'm kind of screwed if you don't. So if you could just go ahead and cure that, that'd be great. Pretty please?

Here's me, giving myself cancer:

And here's me in 20 years:

*I don't know why, but coconut is THE taste of summer to me. I think it might be the copious amounts of coconut-smelling tanning oil I used in high school. Mmmmmmm coconut.

**Nothing that you can write home to Mom about, anyways.

***Assuming I ever start to play the lottery.


The Author said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Bob said...

AMG, dear, The Boutros may have lost control of all bodily functions at the sight of you in a bikini; I will just say that it takes a confident woman to do that. As long as you use the proper sunscreen, you will be fine (although....coconut?.... shudders) You will never look like the third photo........God forbid any of us would ever look like that.

twitterpated said...

I think Bob is obsessed with you. Have you seen his blog?

Anonymous said...


See, this is-
Look, this just.. well, it's not on, ok?
I mean, come on! Jeez!

I come visit your liitle community every day and recently, (Since the incredibly cute photo) the first thing I do is look at your profile picture.
Sorry to treat you like an object only of beauty but there you go.
For what it's worth I do come here to read your posts but that photo is just SOOOO damn cute!

And now, (Breathes deep) and now you, you, you- you minx!!

Okay, (Deep, deep breath) the article is good. I too, love the Summer (I think most people do) and the thought of warm days and getting up when it's bright and it staying that way all day.

I don't share your passion for sun-bathing, lying around isn't my idea of a good time. (Neither is a pool boy. Especailly not one named Jorge. He has greasy hair. And he's a boy.)

All this is by way of saying that I read the post but by jingo what stays with a man is these beautiful words: "it makes my already smooth, sleek body even smoother and sleeker, if that's possible."

Dear Lord AMG, pulses are racing across the Blogosphere!

And then the photos! Sweet Jesus, the photos of a woman I already greatly admire in revealing skimpy attire??!!
What are you trying to do?
This has got to be illegal. Indecent exposure or... all too decent exposure or reducing the male populace to gibbering drooling wrecks unable to work.

(Is that crime? I mean I was logging onto this site anyway, it's not like they were getting value for money from me anyway.)

Sigh. You're a bold woman AMG.

And I have to agree with Bob (Who is a hugger and has a wife) when he says that you are confident.

I genuinely admire that too. It's nice to be confident about yourself and I salute that.

Okay, better go do some work.
(Just one more look at those photos.)

You know what? The profile one is still my favourite: so cute.

Oh and thanks for the 3rd picture, it had a cold shower effect and allows me to calm down.

Calm. Sweet repose.


P.S Don't worry too much about the cancer thing. What would you miss? Your 90's? Oh no, wouldn't want to miss those.

lindsey said...

AMG I am with you 100% in my basking in the cancer rays of warmth and happiness. I just think being tan looks good and that is pretty much all I care about right now (well, looking good, hooking up, and getting wasted), so why not enjoy it while I'm young and insanely good looking?

The Author said...

Lindsey, you just may be in the running for The List. Keep it up girl!

scott c said...

I'm really kinda to'd that you didn't post a full-body shot. Then again, I think my monitor's fried from all of the e-drool.

ah the cabin... good times... I think.


Jorge said...

Hey thanks for reading my blog, and I totally agree with you on the whole sun thing!!!

LeRoy said...

Sigh, such long comments. Don't they know that there is important Italian drinking business to plan? Rome is roughly 130 miles from Sorrento. Not that close, but much more fun! Consult your schedule, remembering that sneaking away from a bunch of high schoolers is also a worthy endeavor.

The G-man said...

What is it with women and their pool boy fantasies?

And no, you can not ask me how I got the nickname of Ramon the Pool Boy. It was a joke, I assure one and all. Although, living in Palm Springs, where we have lots of sun and lots of pools, I have not completely rejected that as a career option.

But still, seriously, someone needs to explain the pool boy fantasy to me. Maybe it would help me decide whether it's time for a career change.

NJ said...

I can't think of anything remotely funny or entertaining to say, but I had to comment on this post.:-)

Bob said...

To Twitterpated:
Thank you for seeing my blog.
If, by obsessed, you mean that I believe that AMG has the best blog around and that I am using my blog to encourage others to read her blog, then I am guilty as charged. :-)
Assuming that is the case, I accept your comments as a compliment, and I thank you.

Walking Wounded said...

Damn, when I move out to Lincoln later this year you have to bring your friend and your bikinis over and wash my truck while I have a beer! j/k On the real, though, you look good.

I am envious that you can actually tan. My Irish skin only has two tones throughout the year:


Although, I did spend nine days in West Palm Beach and after about five days I did have the wee beginnings of a genuine tan. Although it was hell the rest of the time. The pharmacist I went to down there recommended a sun block and the shit went on like spackle. And I remember my hair turned back to my baby color too.

You are a lucky lass!


Roonie said...

It really isn't fair to the rest of the country that we Midwestern girls are so fucking cute, is it? Oh well. We are what we are.

From one skeev to another ;)

Anonymous said...

Your cries for attention are killing me. I'd like to put a t-shirt on you and listen to how your older and/or younger sibling got more attention than you. Fishing for attention by posting a picture of your bikini-clad bod. You're cute, yeah, but I can only pity you. Poor thing.