Wednesday, April 13, 2005

Worst. Joke. Ever

Ahem.

(tap, tap)

A sandwich walks into a bar. The bartender looks up and says, "Hey! We don't serve food here."

(pause)

Hello? HELLO?

Is this thing on?

17 comments:

Bob said...

Oh AMG, you so funny!!!!!
(not to mention smart, articulate, and soooo pretty)

:-)

Anonymous said...

Now Bob,
we need to talk.

You see AMG is funny.
And I think smart.
And pretty articulate.
Undoubtedly so pretty.

But anyone who came to that conclusion after reading that LAME (SO LAME) joke needs help.
Serious help.
Yesterday.

Or a girlfriend.
Last night.

And as for you AMG, what are you thinking??!!

*

Anonymous said...

CAN. NOT. RESIST. PULL. OF. BAD. JOKE. TELLING. OPPORTUNITY.

Ahhhggghh,
okay,

What do you call a 3 legged donkey?


A wonkey!!!

Come on people, that's good stuff!

Ugh, I am so weak.

*

Anonymous Midwest Girl said...

Anonymous (#1):

Of course Bob has read ALL of my other posts and came to that conclusion long ago, because I am so very funny, smart, articulate, and sooo pretty and it would behoove everyone to realize that. He just chose NOW to share his feelings.

And, well, as for what I was thinking...I am shamed to admit that I laughed when I heard that joke today. Out loud. In public. (hangs head in shame)

Anonymous said...

AMG,

Perhaps yopu are not so smart.
I am Anonymous#1 AND 2.
When I put that "*" I expect you to know that.
Do I ask too much?
I am demanding.

Well, I suppose tour suppostion about Bob could be right, he may be along time reader who just chose this post to express his opinion so perhaps he doesn't need help so much as he needs timing 'cause this was NOT the post to express that opinion.

Okay, I just re-read the joke again. It is a little funny, not laughing funny but smiling, sure.

That's as much as I can give you AMG.

*

The Author said...

Two guys are strolling down the street and they both walk into a bar - which is strange because you think the second guy would have seen it.

Thank you. Thank you. I'll be here all weak. Try the fish.

Jaime said...

2 peanuts are walking down the street. one of the is a-salt-ed

Kitsune said...

A guy is going parachuting for the very first time. A bit nervously he jumps out the airplane and begins to count down.

3.

2.

1.

Pull that sting! ...But nothing happens.

He pulls it a few more times and panics. The ground zooms in and he begins to see his life flash before his eyes.

Then, a miracle happens: He sees another guy flying straight up tword him!

He breathes out a sigh of relief and calls out to the man:

"Hey! Do you know anything about parachutes?"

"No! Hey, do you know anything about gas grills?"

The Author said...

Now THAT was funny!

Robert said...

What's the last thing that goes through a bug's mind when it hits your windshield?

His asshole.

Pa-dum-dump!

Walking Wounded said...

A bit of a long one so here goes:

A man walks into a pub with an octopus under his arm. He walks to the bar and sets his octopus down next to him and proceeds to order drinks for the both of them.

After many rounds the man and octopus are pretty loaded. While on their break, members of the band performing that night head over to the man and octopus at the bar to check this out.

The man starts betting the band members rounds that his buddy the octopus can play any instrument you give him.

So the saxophonist steps up and offers his sax to the octopus. The octopus clutches the sax with it arms and plays the sax like Charlie Parker to the group of impressed spectators. The man and the octopus enjoy a round.

Next, the lead guitarist steps up and offers his guitar and pick to the octopus. The octopus clutches the guitar and pick and quickly solos like Jerry Cantrell in front of the group of stunned spectators. The man and octopus enjoy another round.

Finally, a dude with bagpipes steps up and offers them to the octopus. The octopus belches loudly and quickly snatches up the pipes. For a brief moment the octopus wrestles with the bagpipes and then throws them to the floor disgusted as the crowd laughs.

After the man pays for the round for all the people he turns to his friend the octopus and says, "Hey, man why didn't you play it?!?"

The octopus looks back at his friend puzzled and says, "Play it? I was gonna fuck it as soon as I figured out how to get the skirt off!"

*takes a bow*

LOL

Peace.

Bob said...

Without question, AMG has pegged me. Anonymous is correct about one thing: timing has never been my strong point. However, if you have not found these silly jokes even the least bit funny, then it is time for all of us to LIGHTEN UP a bit! Life is hard enough most days; ya gotta LAUGH! Thanks for your kind words, AMG. (By the way, Anonymous, if you read my own blog, www.bobisahugger.blogspot.com , you will find that I'm just an ordinary guy. Plus my wife might object to me getting a girlfriend. LOL

Buckley said...

Anonymous, I share your weakness (and from what I've read all of your opinions).

I'd apologise anonymous mid western girl for the 'joke' I am about to tell were it not for the following reasons three:
1. You started it, AMG
2. I think it's pretty funny
3. it's the only joke I ever recalled my father telling me....

As an encore, I'll go with
4. Anonymous remdinded me of it.

So here goes:

Q: What do you call a three-legged donkey?

A: A wonkey donkey (slight variation on *'s; bear with me)

Q: What do you call a three-legged donkey with one bad eye?

A: A winky wonkey donkey

Q: What do you call a three-legged donkey with one bad eye that smells bad?

A: A stinky winky wonkey donkey

Q: What do you call a three-legged donkey with one bad eye that smells bad and plays the piano?

A: A plinky-plonky stinky winky wonkey donkey

Q: What do you call a three-legged donkey with one bad eye that smells bad and plays the piano in a country music bar?

A: A honky tonky plinky-plonky stinky winky wonkey donkey

Q: What do you call an ill-tempered three-legged donkey with one bad eye that smells bad and plays the piano in a country music bar?

A: A cranky honky tonky plinky-plonky stinky winky wonkey donkey

Q: What do you call an ill-tempered three-legged donkey with one bad eye that smells bad and plays the piano in a country music bar in knee-high leather boots?

A: A kinky cranky honky tonky plinky-plonky stinky winky wonkey donkey

Q: What do you call an ill-tempered three-legged donkey with one bad eye that smells bad and plays the piano in a country music bar in knee-high leather boots that simultaneouosly juggles a chainsaw and puppy dog?

A: A freakin gold-mine.

DHY said...

SO A GRASSHOPPER WALKS INTO A BAR and the bartender says

"Hey, we have a drink named after you."

The grasshopper looks at the bartender, confused, and asks

"What, Stanley?"

Anonymous said...

Buckley,

at first I was mad when I thought that you were just putting a slight spin on my hilarious joke and I was gonna send a team after you but I cam e to realise that there really is more than enougfh originality here.

I salute you in your ability to recall so many winky wonky words.
A true feat.

Your Dad was funny.

*

Buckley said...

...and I applaud your ability to not fall asleep somewhere in the middle of the gag.

Paladin said...

two fish in a tank...

one turns to the other and asks "you know how to drive this thing??"