Tuesday, April 12, 2005

My Summer Vacation By the Numbers

Number of days until I leave for Europe: 59
Number of days I will spend in Europe: 12
Number of cities I will see during that time: 8
Number of cities I will probably remember seeing upon my return to the States: 3
Number of suitcases I will need to pack seeing as I will be visiting Paris and London and I must make sure I am not dressed like a stereotypical rednecked American: 2* plus a duffel bag.
Number of high school seniors that are going on trip with me: 22
Number of high school teachers that are going on trip with me: 5
Number of possible drinking partners: 0
Number of nights I will be drinking by myself in Europe: 11
Number of times that I have been asked to bring back a "hot Italian stallion" for my single friend: 3,267 and counting
Chance that I will share said hot Italian stallion with said friend should I find one: 0
Chance that Prince William** will spot me from across the street, fall madly in love with me and marry me on the spot, thus fulfilling all my dreams of being a princess, getting to wear a lovely crown and fancy dresses, and living in a castle: 0
Chance that Clive Owen will spot me from across the street, fall instantly and madly in love with me, and marry me on the spot, thus allowing me to listen to his gorgeous voice all the time without having to rent "Closer": 0
Gratuitous Clive Owen picture:

*Okay, 2 doesn't actually sound like that many, but one of them is approximately the size of a casket. And not a normal casket, either. One for a really fat person.
**Or Harry. I'm not picky.


The Author said...

What's the female version of Stallion? You can bring me back one of those - and French, not Italian.

Oh, and a baguette.

Anonymous said...

Number of guys who will approach AMG in Europe to be her drinking partner: 1,386

Number of those who will be "hot Italian stallions": Mmmm, 6

Numer who will be Italian: 187

Number of these AMG will drink with: 2

Number she will go to 1st base with: 0, what kind of a mid-west girl do you think she is?

Number of suitcases AMG will need to carry all her new shopping back and to cover the mystery of why clothes never fit back in the suitcase: 5.7 & a duffel bag

Number she will be allowed on the plane: 1.5 & a back-pack

Number of times I have stopped writing this post to go look at how cute AMG is in her photo: 28

Chances of me and AMG being in the same city while she is in Europe: infinitesimal

Am I in Europe in 59 days: Yes

What are the chances: Slim

See ya there AMG


NJ said...

I think you're wrong about the Prince William thing. When you two get married, does that mean that you'll be Queen AMG one day?

deanne said...

If you DO get a crack at Prince Harry ("The Spare Heir"), go for it. He sounds as though he'd be so much more fun than Wills.

Anonymous said...

Dear AMG,

My name is Matt...

I am 75% Italian...

The other half is Irish...good for being a drinking partner...

I have been referred to as a "stallion" more than once...

And I live in the Midwest...

So who needs Europe?

Walking Wounded said...

So the premise of your trip is a chaperone for high schoolers? Damn, you'll find it harder to steal time than you think. But you are clever and you should find some blokes to parlay with. Too bad you aren't hitting Manchester en lieu of London. You'd be sure to have a blast there, they have a great club scene as opposed to London, except the West End.

The next 69 days are going to crawl aren't they? ;)


Anonymous Midwest Girl said...

Damnit, Anonymous, yours is almost funnier than mine. (pouts)

And who said you could be anonymous too, anyways? (pouts some more)

P.S. Boutros, the French chick is a go, and I'll see what I can do about the baguette.

P.P.S. So, uh, AllSports, what are you doing later? (kidding, yes, I still have a boyfriend)

Anonymous said...


you honour me with your compliment.
Well sure.
Funnier than you?
Surely not.

And anonymity is catching.
All the cool kids are doing it...

Go on, you know you want to...


P.S. I thought the photo would be less cute today, you know, getting used to it and all but no, CUTER than ever.

LeRoy said...

If you'll be in ome June 20-26 you can have at least one drinking buddy-LeRoy

The Tremulant Sings said...

Yeah, Clive Owen kicks ALOT of ass. I think the first movie I saw him in was The Bourne Identy, and thought he was super cool. He was also awesome in Sin City. If I weren't so damn straight, I'd probably want him to marry me too.

Buckley said...

If you're come to Dublin, I can supply you with any number of cute guinness-drinking Irish boys.

Also, don't know if you'd nticed, but you appear to have lead to quite a heated (and tangental - the best kind) debate about MTV on my blog while I was trying to create a sensible discussion about safe sex.


Buckley said...

"If you're come??"

Sorry, we do actually speak English, and usually very well.

Paladin said...

I would not write off the other teachers as drinking partners!