Tuesday, May 03, 2005

Beer...Helping Ugly People Get Laid Since 1852.

Today we salute you, Captain Manwhore. Through your selfless devotion, you insure no girl will ever have to go home alone again. Sure, she's a little bigger than you like, and her one eye is kinda lazy. But you've been drinkin since 7 a.m., and she looks good to you. So take another shot of Jagermeister, vigilante of the vagina, because she might not be good, but she's good enough.*






* I got this in an email from someone, who I know is neither clever nor funny enough to have written it themselves, so I am sure they stole it from someone else. But I don't know who, so in the meantime just pretend like I wrote it until I get an angry email from the true author accusing me of plagiarism.

13 comments:

Anonymous said...

J'accuse!
Not that I wrote it and hey, I laughed, what else matters? Screw the intellectual copyright, I'm sure healing the world with laughter while revelaing the truth about our great friend; beer, is all the author would want.

On a technical note, if she only has one eye, how would you know it was lazy? Ha? Answer me that. Perhaps it WAS your not so clever friend who wrote it, eh?

"Neither clever nor funny..."
What lovely things you say about your eh, friends.

*

Anonymous said...

P.S.
New photo!
YAY!
It really has become like an occassion when you do this.

Now was this photo taken with the sole intention of being seen dimple-free?
It worked! Smooth, smooth cheek.

And is this your room?
Oooh, let's see what we can tell about AMG from this pic besides that her place smells like mahogany and leather.
Hmmm, big TV, big wardrobe = AMG likes things BIG!

(Now people! This is a midwestern family site!)

And what is AMG looking at/imagining?
Are AMB and Seth Green just out of shot?

*

mcgibfried said...

you should make it a drinking game.. every new photo is another shot of tequila..

Mac said...

Yeah I would agree witht he above thing about a drinking game..but it kinda reinforces the initial point.

Beer good...humor better.

Rob said...

"Beer Goggles - They turn Bow into Wow!" Gotta love 'em.

Anonymous Midwest Girl said...

>What lovely things you say about your eh, friends.

Ah, but notice, I never said the sender was a friend. Just a "someone."

The Author said...

I had a buddy that would strap on the goggles all the time. Before he started drinking we'd ask him what his tolerance level would be and he'd often respond with, "4 drinks and I'm bringing home the prize". That was known as a "level 4 goggle".

His record was a level 1 goggle, which as he put it, "was actually drank afterwards so I could get the taste out of my mouth".

JRae said...

That sounds like one of those beer radio commercials where they're like "We salute you, Hawaiian shirt-wearing guy." I bet it's that.

BTW, it's totally hilarious how all of your pervy male fans will comment on your posts even if their comment has nothing to do with the post whatsoever, but is more just to remind you of their existence and get some "face time" with you.

Steph said...

Oh my god - that's hysterical! I was going to steal it anyway, now I can do it without guilt!

Rob Lowe said...

I resent that last comment, jrae. Hmmm, now let's see, what was I going to say?

Oh yea, I like ice. Yummy cold and wet. Oh well, have a great day and keep those pictures coming.

Walking Wounded said...

Yes everyone should take a bow to Yeungleung for getting the party started back in 1852 Pottsville, PA! That shit is good!

Peace.

Dave Morris said...

That sounds like those Anheuser Busch commercials. The "we salute you, Captain Manwhore" ones. Funny stuff.

The Ruler said...

This is God

Tsk tsk, petty mortals. If I had just created you all hot to begin with, I wouldn’t have had to create beer goggles as well… But some of you were stupid, as well as ugly, so the beer goggle concept missed the target – you just didn’t get it, did you? Fear not, ever service minded God has made beer goggles even easier for you geeks. Presto! Beer goggles, coming to a computer screen near you:

http://www.nature.com/news/2005/050425/full/050425-5.html

This was God