Wednesday, May 04, 2005

That's Hott!*

Everyone's favorite vapid celebrity/whore/South Park character was in the news again** today...this time with an AP interview where she reveals that truly, she is all we ever thought. Here are some highlights, and I swear to GOD they are not taken out of context.

AP: So how would you describe your occupation?
Paris Hilton: I don’t know. I’m an actress, a brand, a businesswoman. I’m all kinds of stuff.

If by "all kinds of stuff," she means super-ho***...

AP: Do you read what’s written about you?
Hilton: I don’t read any of it. I just look at the pictures to see what I was wearing last week and if it was cute.

You know who else doesn't read the papers? George Bush! And look where he's at! Paris for President!

AP: Do you read blogs?
Hilton: What’s that?

Obviously she is not very cool. Because ALL the cool kids are blogging nowadays.

AP: What did you want to be when you were a little girl?
Hilton: A veterinarian, but then I realized I could just buy a bunch of animals.

"Then I realized I could just buy a bunch of animals." Because that's a lot like being a vet.

AP: You do a lot of kissing in this movie. What was that like?
Hilton: It was hard because I’ve never done anything like that before.

LIAR! I've seen the video!!

AP: What’s hot right now in entertainment? What TV shows do you watch?
Hilton: I only watch “The Simple Life.”

That's okay, if I starred in my own TV show that's probably all I would ever watch too. Except for 'Scrubs', I'd keep watching that.

AP: What would your children’s names be?
Hilton: Paris and London.

Paris wants to marry her boyfriend Paris and name their child Paris? Not very creative, Paris. Not at all.

* The two "t"s makes it extra hot.
** She is also in the news today because she "lost" her laptop, which contains "personal photographs and videos," somewhere in Los Angeles. Imagine that. What are the chances? C'mon, Paris, we've all seen your ta-tas, you kissing another girl, and oh, yeah, that's right, YOU HAVING WILD DOGGY SEX. What else could your laptop possibly contain that we haven't seen? Well, I, for one, am eager to find out.
*** Wow, what a costume that would be!


wiske said...

oh for the love of... how do these people survive?
darwin messed up somewhere.

i have to wonder if paris has really ever stopped to look at who she turned out to be. probably not, because if she did, she'd want to kill herself.

Shawn said...

Perhaps Paris' child Paris by her boyfriend Paris could also be born in Paris...

Maybe she could just buy a bunch of kids instead of becoming a mother... someone should let her know that childbirth is icky...

Bridget Unnel said...

Paris wants to breed?! There oughtta be a law...

Ian C. said...

I would definitely pay money to see House of Wax if I knew that Paris Hilton would meet a horrifying and excruciating, rip-off-her-head, tear-off-her-legs-and-beat-her-with-them kind of death in it.

Blogbelle said...

THIS is why she's an "heiress." How the hell else would she survive in this world?

scott c said...

House of Wax is going to be awful, yet I will still go see it and probably just to see P-Hil get eviscerated in some spectacular way or another. You know there's some amazing death planned for her. There's just gotta be.

blue1aqua1 said...

AMG-Thanks for the comment. I don't visit my pics page that often so i'm not sure when u posted it. I wanted to thank you and let you know that Starbuck is my little sweet heart.

Robert said...

C'mon AMG, I'm pretty sure George at least reads the comics.

Walking Wounded said...

Yeah, if Carrol O'Connor was alive she would be a second person he would call a "meat-head!"


lindsey said...

i am DEFINATELY going to go see house of wax! are you kidding me? CINEMA GOLD PEOPLE! CINEMA GOLD.

you heard it here first!

Nic said...

Why do people insist on naming their kids after my favorite city? Michael Jackson did it, now there's Paris and her boyfriend Paris who want a child named Paris...

If this keeps up, I am going to have to find a new favorite city. So, for the love of God, people stop naming your children after such a beautiful city. Your kids will NEVER be able to live up to the image their name conjures! NEVER, I tell you, NEVER!

Bob said...

Yeah,........I read the same article online in the USA TODAY. At the end, I thought to myself,

"Well, that's 3 minutes of my life I won't ever get back."


Better stick to AMG. :-)


Your blog friend,

Rob Tredle said...

You look very average in your new anonymous to boot.

Anonymous said...

And yet somehow Paris is the one opening a nightclub in Miami, who has the TV show, is starring in a movie, has her own clothing line and is famous all over the world.

So who's having the last laugh?

Paris ain't as ditzy as she makes out.
Just like G W.
Okay, maybe not like him.


P.S. Linsey is right peeps, CINEMA GOLD!!

The G-man said...

AMG has viewed Paris Hilton porn? I'm stunned. Stunned I say!

Laura said...

Dude, Paris doesn't read the papers or blogs because SHE PROBABLY CAN'T READ. She's just....icky.

Scott Cunning said...

Good times. Laughed my ass off.

I'll never understand celebrity watching, but the really mean celebrity watching sometimes almost makes up for it.

(And I agree with you, I wouldn't stop watching SCRUBS for anything. Season One DVD out this month! Sweet!)