Tuesday, May 24, 2005

Is There a Statute of Limitations for That?

On my way to work today, I was next to a cop nearly the entire way. I get so nervous when that happens. My seat belt was on, I knew I had no outstanding tickets, I was driving the speed limit, and there were no body parts sticking out of my trunk (this time, thank god), but I still had the feeling that I was going to get pulled over.

I feel like they know EVERYTHING. Like that one night when I didn't come to a complete stop at a stop sign. Or when I turned last week without using my turn signal. Or that time when I was five and I stole a piece of candy from the corner store, or they know that when I was in third grade I cheated on a multiplication test (it was eights, and who can remember the eights?). Or what about yesterday, when I went to the bank and KEPT THE PEN? It was an accident, I swear! I don't know how that pen got in my purse!

I can just picture it:

"Breaker breaker one-nine, this is Unit 578, and we have a bit of a situation here. It could get nasty. Female perp is driving a beautiful black Jetta with plates reading 'Gut and Tag', and it appears that she did not brush her teeth this morning. I repeat, we may have a case of dirty gums here. Jones, pass me the Uzi."

19 comments:

marybishop said...

I am the same way. Driving down the road happy, okay, maybe my radio's on a little loud, maybe I'm going 3 miles over the speed limit, but that's about it...cop car gets behind me and I almost freeze. I forget how to put on my signals, I start riding the brake, I will turn down any road to get away from him/her -- just like I was some hardened criminal with an APB out for me...

CaptSmakk said...

I hate being tailed by cop cars. I even get nervous when I'm handcuffed in the back of their car and another cop car is behind us.

The Author said...

I just got a speeding ticket a short time ago. So what if I was the only car on the road and over the speed limit my 32km/h?

By the way, I told my wife about "GUTNTAG" and she laughed her ass off. We pass a taxidermy place on the way up to the cottage all the time. You think maybe you could send me a picture of your plate so we can give it to this guy. I bet he'd love it!

MrCorey said...

That was your problem! Only 32km/h over! You shoulda been going 75 over! Then you wouldn't have gotten stopped at all (they can't stop who they can't catch...) :-O

Robert said...

Do cops actually say breaker 19? I thought that was truckers.

scott c said...

8 16 24 32 40 48 56 64 72 80 88 96...

Oh. I thought you were really asking.

The last time I got pulled over for speeding I was going 30 in a 25 (in Cedar Creek, NE). I saw the cop whip the shitty and started freaking out. I then ran a stop sign and pulled over. The cop asked for my license and registration. I proceeded to give him what he asked for and my expired insurance card, which he pointed out to me...

I got off with a warning. I swear he was looking for drunk drivers.
sc.

scott c said...

Oh, and I think cops say "breaker 1-9." Truckers say "breaker one-niner."

sc.

mcgibfried said...

if you just would have cleaned your mouth.. there would be no worries!

Paladin said...

OMG- you posted that stuff in public? You KNOW the FBI can track you down- they MAY forgive the cheating on the test bit- but STEALING A BANK PEN??????

Stealing from a bank is a federal offense!

sniff... its been nice knowing ya!

see you in five to ten!

sadlittletomato said...

i always get nervous and start looking in the rear view mirror to see if they are going to pull me over, which of course makes me swerve...and look guilty

Walking Wounded said...

Here, I tend to ignore the police cars. My buddy always keeps me supplied with fresh PBA cards so worse comes to worse I have to fork one over. County cops are always put off that I know someone in NYC PD but screw 'em.

To be honest it took me about five visits to Lincoln before I ever saw a single cop car. I have a thing with seeing what colors they are outside of NY. For a city, the cops are either totally busy or totally hanging at the fire houses! ;)

Peace.

Clark K. said...

You should try passing a cop on the freeway...its really liberating. Just don't make them look bad and you'll get away with it!

Bridget Unnel said...

My brother became a cop late last year. It really changes your perspective on things!

Gadfly said...

I feel the need to point out that cops do NOT say "breaker one nine" as there seems to be some confusion.

King Nate Unknown said...

Big brother is watching.

baggiegenes said...

you didn't roll down your window and challenge him to a race?

Walking Wounded said...

I hear ya, Bridget! My buddy didn't come home for an entire week during 9/11! He had to sleep on restaurant tables between shifts because they wouldn't let him back up to the 1-7 midtown.

One thing that was sort of nice (amidst the utter chaos of the rescue) was that all the local restaurants and cafes in the area let most of the police and firemen eat on the cuff. Even being over worked, at least they were able to get decent meals!

No place like NYC!

Nicki said...

HAHA! I so know what you mean! I am always so freaking paranoid (and usually I do have a reason to be) but even when I have done nothing wrong... I like freak out!

Anonymous said...

Nice use of legal jargon you clearly don't understand.