REPOST: My Own Piece of Nazi Propaganda.

ORIGINALLY POSTED: FEBRUARY 11, 2005
I got a new car! Yes, folks, AMG is drivin' and stylin' now. (See how that rhymes? Dr. Suess was an amateur! Actually, I guess it doesn't rhyme that well at all. I suck.) It's a gorgeous black 2001 VW Jetta GLS with a 1.8L turbo engine. And it's a five-speed. And I just had an orgasm writing that. I am considering going down to the police station to see if I can just give them $500 and then call it good on all future speeding tickets I might be getting this year.


I haven't completed the final step of ownership yet, though - I don't have a nickname for it because I haven't found one that fits just right yet. I considered briefly "My-Big-Black-Beautiful-Baby-That-Cost-Me-a-Shit-Ton-o-Money", but that sounds like something Hugh Grant might call Divine Brown. So then I considered "My-Little-Nazi-Engineered-Marvel," but my friend Lon Berstein didn't like that for some reason. Something about his grandma and gas showers...I'm not quite sure what that was all about.

It's weird having this new car, though...I'm very protective of it. Yesterday, someone flicked a cigarette out their window and it hit Lil' Nazi, and I killed the guy. With my bare hands. But you can bet I didn't get a darn speck of blood on my baby.