Wednesday, June 15, 2005

Scuzi! Scuzi!

Ask and ye shall receive!

Well, no, not the pictures. I haven't gotten them up yet. I will. I promise. It's just that there's so many of them...I have to sort through and pick out the good ones so you don't have (literally) a thousand to go through. See? I'm really doing you a favor here.

But I will tell The Story of the Creepy Italian Guy.

So, to set the scene, it's day 8. Contrary to popular belief (or maybe no one believes this, I don't know), there aren't a lot of Italian hotties running around. There weren't a lot of hotties in France, either. London? They were everywhere. London is the Hot Guy Capital. However, there is a good chance that a majority of them were gay. Because, being American, I have been trained to believe that men who take that much care of themselves, dress in pink Oxford shirts, and have styled hair are gay.

But anyway, by this time, the 70 girls were starved for some visual ass. So we arrive in Rome and sit down to dinner at the hotel. And what should appear? A very good-looking young waiter. I can't say he was hot, because he was maybe 17. Perfect for them, but a little pervy for me.

Being girls - an entire roomful of girls - they start whispering amongst themselves immediately. Covert pictures were taken, dares were offered, giggles abounded, shy smiles were, um, smiled. At one point, someone scored the win of the night by finding out his name: Marco.

As subtle as they may have thought they were being, they - how should I say this? - weren't. At all. He was soaking up the attention and flirting right back.

Later that night, after bed check, some of the girls were shocked - SHOCKED - to hear a knock at their door. Who should it be but Marco, the cute waiter.

"So, you want-ta party?" he asked when they opened the door. (You have to imagine this said in a bad Italian accent for full effect.)

He went around and did this to several of the girls' rooms. In telling this story the next morning to the chaperones, they all claimed to have slammed the door in his face. Which I, of course, totally don't at all believe.

It was quite obvious that they were expecting sympathy, outrage, and shock from the chaperones. Perhaps to have one of the male teachers cut off Marco's man bits in a rage. Or for them to go immediately to the manager and demand Marco's termination. What they did not expect was to have the teachers laugh. In their faces. And say, and I quote, "I told you so!"

You see, just a few hours before The Incident, the tour guide explicitly told them that European men - Italians in particular - love the ladies (this and all that follows are what are known as generalizations, so please no hate mail). They take any advance as an invitation. And they tend to think that American women are easy. So the girls were warned to be more subtle and not to flirt with a guy unless they did intend to, um, well, you know.

Which they promptly ignored.

So that's the Marco story. It's really much funnier if you say "So you want-ta party?" with an accent, as recommended. So if you didn't do that the first time 'round, no wonder you didn't find it funny. Go back and read it again. And maybe put your arms out a bit and wiggle your fingers. That helps too.


Rob said...

Scuzi.. Scuzi.. all I can think of is that guy in Eurotrip. Glad you had a great time.

Maki said...

Y'know, I have to concur with the "no hotties in Europe" thing. I was expecting gorgeous women aplenty in Norway and was supremely disappointed with the scenery. London was quite good in that department, though. Go figure. They even seemed to have nice teeth, which was a total shock.

Thanks for the comments on my blog, by the way. Enjoying yours greatly so far.

lindsey said...
london boys.
i think i just had a mini orgasm. i love them.
they are the real reason why im moving there next fall. "culture" my ass, bring on the men (chaps?)!

Weeeeeee! said...

Ahhhh, London boys! I lust after them, too! You should stop by Stockholm next time and check out the Sweeds. They'll spark a good drool as well.

Thanks for reading (and commenting on) my blog! I'll keep reading yours 'cause you funny!

Geez said...

Naw Maki, the hot females are there, you just have to head East (Prague, Estonia, Croatia-- Hungarian woman have incredible bodies, butter face though). They're out there my young paduan, just venture off the beaten path.

Tim said...

"European men - Italians in particular - love the ladies"

And thats different from American men in what way??

Kawamoto said...

That story is very amusing. My parents when they went Italy called every waiter "Antonio" and when my grandma (who they had taken along with them) asked if they knew the waiter, they said they didn't but figured the waiter would understand. I will eventually make it back to Europe, 'cause it sounds like you had an awesome time there.

e$ said...

are you serious? NOT ONE GIRL took the bait? My 15 y/o sister went to Toronto last year and there were some girls from that trip who had some covert Canuck dalliances. I have to expect that an italian hottie is hotter than a Canadian hottie...

... i don't really know why, though...

Tony said...

i must say from being one myself....italians are the best...

Polly Prissy-Pants said...

I had a summer fling with an Englishmen of Italian descent named Marco - when I was in Spain.

A l'amour...

Polly Prissy-Pants said...

EnglishmAn rather.

Anonymous said...

I guess certian countries just have a more... forward nature in their men's attitudes to women.

Men are more... declamatory in their love of the ladeez.

Yeah, I was in London recently and it can't be denied the women there were incredibly good looking, like noticably so.

I thought it was just the effect of being in a different gene pool and seeing new eh "breeding stock" but a few days later, in Paris, the women were of average quality.
I mean, some were beautiful but the eh ratio was down.

I conclude; the english have beautiful genes.
They shipped out the ugly ones.


Anonymous said...

Oh and OMG, styled hair, pink oxford shirts and taking care of yourself are so not signs of being gay.

Sometimes, it's just well, taking care of yourself.

And I do not own any pink oxford shirts.
No, really.


Jelly said...

Looking for some hot stuff, baby, this evening. I need some hot stuff, baby, tonight.

Mi scuzi. Mi scuzi.

I'm thinking that Marco must have found a taker, because not all ~70 girls complained about having to turn him down. I don't think he would have given up after just a few doors, so someone must have made him President Bush for the night.

Feynman said...


You are way hotter than the anonymous eastern european girl.

Sharron said...

LMAO! You're a great story teller. I agree that their's nothing hotter then a British hottie. And yeah..the Italians are pigs.

It sounds like a blast though. I can't wait to see pictures. No rush...I definitely know what it's like to sift through tons and want to find only the perfect ones to share ;)

Chris F. said...

My long distance anonymous lover,

I am so glad you had a good time in Europe. Given how much I love those dimples of yours, I can't wait to see your pics!

I need to get my booty some, uh...booty so I can get to Europe again. The last time I was there it was so romantic.

OMG. The last time I spent more than an hour in a room with teenage girls, I thought I was going to rip my own teeth out. All the screeching, yelping, non-stop, bubble gum, lollipop stuffed giggling was simply unbearable. And that was almost ten years ago now!

I remember my first year home from college when I went to the alma mater's homecoming. I could not believe how much the shrill sounds of youthful women had subsided in just that first year!

All in all, I very much prefer a slightly snide, chipper (not too perky, though), subdued, intellectual woman, over those...girls. eek.

Chris F.

PS - Kudos if you actually made it all the way through this comment!

Chris F. said...

PPS - How pretentious was that post! sheesh. check ya' later!

BSC said...

You're right, wiggling the fingers really made all the difference in the world.

allison said...

Why didn't anyone tell me about this "italian men think everything is a come-on" phenomenon before? Coulda' saved myself a whole lotta' time and frequent flier miles.

Eh...who am I kidding? At least they are good in bed.