Thursday, July 07, 2005

All This and a Car Fire Too!

Ahh, the Fourth. My favorite holiday. I can't believe it's over! I love - like love - fireworks. Not only do you get to light things on fire, but they explode into pretty colors too! Unfortunately, where I live, all fireworks are illegal. Artillery shells? Illegal. Fountains? Illegal. Sparklers? Illegal. Smoke bombs? Illegal. Snappers? I don't know, but I'm going to say they are illegal too just to make it sound even worse.

Luckily, the cops don't really enforce the fireworks laws too much, unless you're being a dumbass and your neighbor calls them in to come and stop you from shooting bottle rockets into their dog house.

**Note: The following paragraphs are entirely fictional, since fireworks are illegal here and all, and I am an entirely law-abiding citizen.**

So every Fourth, you have two options to buy fireworks: drive 20 minutes to a nearby small town where they AREN'T illegal and every single club in the entire town has a fireworks stand (St. Pat's Men's Club! 4-H! Hornets Baseball!), or drive a few hours to Missouri, where apparently there are no laws and they sell the really big stuff. However, the latter option involves driving through Iowa, where cops are dicks. So we generally go the small-town route.

Every year, AMBF, myself, and a bunch of friends all go and buy a shit-ton of artillery shells and put on a show for anyone within a ten-block radius. This year, we found a stand - Dealin' Dave's Fireworks! - that was selling "homemade" artillery shells (presumably made by Dealin' Dave himself). They were twice as big as the stuff we normally get, and had to be launched out of 1/2-inch thick plastic tubes instead of the cardboard tubes. So between those and all of the other ones we got, we ended up having hundreds of artillery shells to play with. We took 22 (yes, twenty-two) mortar tubes and nailed them to three boards, and we all went out with our lighters and launched 22 artillery shells at once. Several times.

It was SO fun.

And...naked rope swinging pics and stories are coming. At the request of the naked rope swinger, I have to blur out (read: make look bigger) his naughty bits before I can post them.

16 comments:

Spexial said...

lmao...sounds like you had a kick ass time...i love fireworks as well...but these fuckers around here make you hate them because they are still doing them after the 4th and @ all times of the night...

OldHorsetailSnake said...

Sure glad that was a fictional story. But as long as it was fiction you might as well have shot off 50 rockets at once, instead of just 22.

Standing by for the naked rope swinger.

Niccio Dartsmouth said...

Sounds like a great time AMG.. but your right, be glad the car wasen't yours :)

freakyvirgin said...

i'm jealous i love fireworks. my brother and i used to take those big ass ones that sound like dynamite and put them under up-side-down coffee cans and light them. you gotta see what it does to the can, it's insane. try it some time

freakyvirgin said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Jess said...

Delurking from Missouri to say...

A) Iowa cops ARE dicks

B) Just go ahead and drive to KC, we have a party every year on my uncle's ten acres where anything thing is legal

C)We have fireworks stores (not tents) here and they are MUCH cheaper than the tents (although I'm not sure you'll find homemade fireworks there, you can, however, find a roll of firecrackers that stretches a whole block. We rolled one down the street at my friend's house and it took a good 15 minutes to finally quit going off)

*~BendersGurl~* said...

fire works are illegal here too.. we have to drive to the PA border to get some.. and they have great big ones too.

Eh well at least we still know how to have fun.. :o)

The Man said...

So, how about those horse balls?

Where I live - Europe (yes, I live in ALL of Europe)- fireworks are legal. Even the illegal kind. Oh yes, I rock. Not to mention the free stuff, the legal drinking when you turn 15 etc. It's paradise. However, we have no horse balls, so please - don't stint.

The Man - I run with scissors

e$ said...

I don't know, fireworks always make me depressed. and a little scared. last year the Boy and I were in Maine and someone shot a firework on the beach... it sort of skittered off in a weird way and almost shot a bottle of cheap wine right out of my drunken hands. Which would have been a tragedy, no?

wendibular said...

um yeah. how about we NOT post pics of MY naked husband on YOUR site. thanks.

Polly Prissy-Pants said...

I have never understood the appeal of fireworks, but I do so love sparklers and rope swings!

allison said...

After overcoming my initial fear and engaging in several hours of OCD-like roman candle launching, someone commented "ha ha, looks like someone's hooked on the roman candles!"

Me: "I just like the power of holding something in my hand and having it explode."

Uhhh...

Damn fumes.

Sharron said...

Not a huge firework person myself..but it sounds like you guys had a blast!

Paladin said...

Boy, AMG- it's a good thing that was a FICTIONAL story. Didja read about how the sex offender guy in Idaho kept a blog too, and it is being used as evidence against him?

That said- 22 shells at a time sounds pretty cool! Did'ntja get any photos?

Chixulub said...

This is also fiction. A friend of mine used to make really neat homemade fireworks. Split a cinder block with one once.

Habibi said...

I also love fireworks and the 4th (maybe it's a Midwestern thing?), but I have to live vicariously through you since, alas, I'm studying for the bar and don't get to see daylight or nightlight, for that matter. Not unless I view it from the inside out :(