Wednesday, July 13, 2005

Just Call Me Lance. Minus the Baldness and Testicular Cancer.



Meet Fred. Fred is my new bike. I don't know why I'm calling it Fred, but it seemed to fit for some reason. I'm not sure why I bought it, except my mom and aunt bike a lot, and every week a local restaurant hosts a "Thursday Night Taco Run," which takes place on - can you guess? - Thursdays. You bike a nature trail for about 12 miles, end up at the restaurant where you can get their $5 pitcher-of-beer-and-three-tacos special, and bike back. So really, I bought the bike more to feed my alcohol addiction than for any real fitness purposes.

However, I must say, once I put my slick helmet on and threw on my bad-ass sunglasses, I felt suddenly...empowered. Like I had the freedom to go anywhere! Visit anything! Until I remember that I had a sweet-butt car that could do the same thing, only in a fifth of the time and with absolutely no effort on my part.

Despite that, though, I still plan to bike around a couple of times a month, if for no other reason than I don't want to see Fred languishing in the garage gathering dust, forcing me to contemplate the money I spent to buy what has become, essentially, a home for dozens of little brown spiders. I live within biking distance of a big, pretty lake with lots of trails that I really should enjoy at least once. Something about fresh air and exercise being good for you...? I'm not really sure how that works, but hell, I'll try anything once.

22 comments:

The Official Blog Of Bigphun.com said...

I call my bike Ralph.

Polly Prissy-Pants said...

I want a bike! I think I would name her Petunia. Does it have to have a boy name? I am going to be riding it...This is too stressful I will just keep sitting on my couch instead.

guest said...
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guest said...

I have a beautiful bike or at least it once was a beautiful bike. Bought in 1981 it was the best of the best. The most expensive I could afford and it took me touring all throughout Europe, Japan, and the central United States. Now it just hangs in the rafters of my garage. I’m too embarrassed to be seen on it because of its antiquated design.

That’s my excuse for not riding any longer and I’m sticking to it!

Chixulub said...

I need to get my own bike out. Which means airing up the tires and trying to remember what you lubricate the chain with. It's been since before the heart attack that I rode it. A few years before that, one of my few healthful habits was biking to work on the days that the weather permitted. It wasn't based on being healthful, though, it was based on having one car and a family of four. Biking beat pestering people for rides to work.

Or walking 2-1/2 miles each way.

I worked nights back then, it was cute to see local law enforcement try to make sense out of a guy in business casual on a mountain bike at 3:00 a.m.

'What are you doing?' one asked me out his window, having pulled up beside me. 'Commuting,' I said.

I think I almost got shot for htat.

The Lazy Iguana said...

Once you drink the pitcher of beer, you will not want to ride the 12 miles back.

Tomas said...

i know a spider named fred..... nvm

PINKSandROSES said...

Haha you blog is hilarious. I can't remember the last time I rode a bike. Actually come to think of it I can't remember the last time I exercised...

SirTalksALot said...

Call me Francis, but I want Pee-Wee Herman's bike!

The Author said...

Bike naked. Sell your seat on eBay. Buy a new seat and some beer. Repeat.

Dave Morris said...

We have a biking/hiking trail in Missouri that is hundreds of miles long, a former train track. Now and then I take "Bob" (my bike's name) for a ride to the winery about 20 miles down the trail. It's amazing how difficult it is to ride that 20 miles back.

mysterygirl! said...

I love that your bike purchase was partly due to a beer and taco special. That's so awesome-- none of my alcohol-related purchases are that practical. I can picture AMG tottering home on her bike late one Thursday... :)

Julie_Gong said...

Do tacos, beer, and 12miles of biking really mix? I think I'd drive my car down to the resturant with my bike in the back and just act like I actually rode the 12miles... enjoy the tacos and beer then put my bike back in the car and drive home. That sounds like more fun and less puking to me.

King Nate Unknown said...

Does the bike really need a name?
Won't the car get jealous?

Fred said...

I like Fred. It's such a nice name.

NYPinTA said...

I had a puppy named Fred. He threw up on me the first day I had him. I had a crush on a guy named Ralph... niether of which have anything to do with bikes. Sorry.

Shawn said...

Drunken biking, much like drunken boxing, pretty much rocks... and the best part is that God wants you to it or he wouldn't have put a sweet beer stop there. So now you must ride Fred for Jesus every Thursday...

Anonymous Midwest Girl said...

LOL, Shawn, "ride Fred for Jesus" is about the funniest phrase I have ever read. Ever.

LocuTus of Borg said...

Bourtros that's funny! Hmmm mines too simple I guess ... "girl"

Walking Wounded said...

AMG, there's a twelve mile nature trail in Lincoln??? Email me with directions on how to get there. I'm currently trying to research trails to ride. Plus, I like beer and tacos!

Peace.

Skeezix said...

I bought a bike this spring and I love it. It has yet to acquire a name, but I'm sure at some point it will get one.

I'm not sure if I would feel like riding the 12 miles back after beer and tacos. I'm a pussy and would have my friend/SO meet me at the restaurant to cart me and bike back to my home.

Joe Tornatore said...

i have trouble driving 12 miles without getting tired let alone biking. good for you! women tennis players and women bikers lend themselves to great legs.