If I Keep Up Like This, I May Go Blind

So I can't stop touching myself. Is that weird?

Perhaps a little backstory is necessary here. I got a new sweater a couple weeks ago, and wore it for the first time today. It is the softest thing ever. It feels like I have skinned a newborn baby lamb and wrapped myself in its snuggly goodness. Not that I really know what that feels like, as I've only done it once, and that was for initiation into that club, and I was a little woozy from having drunk all that sacrificial blood, but I digress. This sweater is so soft and warm and fuzzy that I just want to roll up into a ball and cuddle myself. I have turned into a full-fledged autophile. I keep stroking my arms as I walk down the hall. People look at you weird when you do that, did you know? They aren't used to people petting themselves. And caressing and nuzzling and fondling and feeling themselves. But get used to it, folks. I'm wearing this sweater and luxuriating in it until it falls to tatters in my hands, after which I will use the pieces to make a...a...well, a something that I can carry around and continue to cuddle.