Wednesday, November 16, 2005

And I'm Not Talking Cocaine Here.

Gasp! I know, my third new post in three consecutive days! It's like Christmas came early, or at the very least Festivus.

And one more thing! WHO AUTHORIZED THIS SNOW? And the bitter chill? And the 80mph winds? And the ice? Because I don't recall seeing a vote on this, and if there was one, I would have voted no, then burned my ballot in a symbolic gesture of defiance, as I have done with all votes in years past. Which maybe wasn't a good idea, since then I guess my ballot wouldn't count, as a pile of ashes isn't easily recognizable as a yay or nay. I should stop doing that.

ONWARD!*

Never mind, back to the snow thing. How is it possible that, in just eight months, an entire city full of people forgot how to drive in the snow? There isn't even that much snow, just three inches or so (insert penis-size joke here). Except, I forget, no one here knows how to drive anyway, snow or not. These are the same people that come to a full and complete stop before making a right turn when there's no traffic coming, and who can't figure out the right of way at a four-way stop, and how aren't quite sure about that "merging" thing, and who have never heard of not blocking the intersection at a red light. My bad.

And on a completely (un)related note, can someone JUST ONCE remember to tell me it's snack day so I don't have to run over to Walgreens a) in the freezing cold and b) causing me to spend forty dollars on things I don't need but saw on the way to the chip aisle?


*I possibly need to cut down on my diet Mt. Dew intake. I'm feeling a bit feisty today.

16 comments:

kate said...

Festivus. Hahaha... I love Seinfeld.

Walking Wounded said...

Yeah, I love snow but this is Monkey Balls!

Peace

JoeyJoJoJo said...

I miss snow....that pesky global wrming thingy I keep hearing about should take care of your problem soon...

Adam Siewert said...

Hey AMG Long time no...talk?? Anyway..I posted again, I had a while with writters block so go ahead and take a look!

Anonymous said...

Personally I think you're crazy
Snow is the best thing on the planet
and me and the snow midgets will come and eat you

scott c said...

How big is a penis-size joke?

//grammar nazi
sc.

Paladin said...

Oh, dear god- I SOOO badly want to slam Scott with a great punch line here, but Christmas is coming and I need to score points with the Big Guy in Red.

NJ said...

When are the feats of strength and the airing of grievances? I hear ya on the soda intake, I'm pretty sure I drank about a 12 pack of diet Coke today.

paula said...

AMG, I am totally with you on the forgetting how to drive thing. We had rain here the other day, which it hadn't done in weeks, and there were 3 overturned vehicles on the highway with miles of each other. I was laughing at the DJ on the radio that said, "people you need to slow down, its raining out." REALLY??????

ers said...

Yeah man. Walgreens is such a black hole. Everything just looks so BRIGHT and CLEAN and PURCHASE-ABLE there.

Remember that one crappy movie with Ashely Judd and Natalie Portman where one of them gives birth in a Walmart? That totally made sense to me. And I would totally live in a Walmart. But not give birth there. Or anywhere, ever.

frog said...

Every day is snack day.

Kate said...

When is Festivus?

Anonymous said...

Dear God woman,

You are single handedly keeping Anonymous Midwestern Walgreens in business.
It is THEY who are keeping snack day a secret from you.
Buy shares in them, at least then you'd feel less bad about propping them up.

*

sue said...

I love the snow. I hate the cold. Unfortunately, it's hard to get one without the other. I like snow better if I get to stay home. Bah... I'm not at home.

exile said...

wasn't it just a few posts back where you said you wanted to wear your new sweater so badly you wished it would get cold?

wish granted.

oh, and in california, people do that with rain. a few drops on the freeway and everyone is a fuck-tard.

Justice said...

I am NOT looking forward to traveling in the snow this winter. I want summer to come back.