Thursday, December 08, 2005

I put a dollar in, I got a car. I put a dollar in, I got a car. I put a dollar in, I got a car. I put a dollar in, I got a car.

So tomorrow will be like any other day....except, oh, yeah, I'll be HERE:

I know it seems like I'm traveling all. the. time. lately, but I went for a good 18 years straight not visiting any states that weren't contiguous to my home state, so I'm making up for lost time. I'll be going in order to attend a holiday party for one of our corporate work partners. And let me just say, business casual at a holiday party in Las Vegas? So much for the feather and sequin bikini I was planning on wearing. How boring.

I've been once before, but I wasn't 21 and it was just for a few hours. My entire time there consisted of standing on the carpet between slot machines watching the people I was there with gamble, and getting asked by the security guards to STEP AWAY FROM THE MACHINES PLEASE, MISS. (Anyone remember that Full House episode in Vegas? Anyone? No? Just me? Okay then.) that effect, I'm enlisting the aide of all three of my loyal readers. Any must-dos? Remember, I'll be by myself, so don't suggest anything that I'll look retarded doing alone. I generally look pretty retarded as it is, so I don't need any help in that area. And I am planning on winning at least two million dollars, but I don't know if they give that to you right away, so funds will be limited until that check clears. I will, of course, recruit ten other people to do an homage to the last scene of Ocean's Eleven. I'll probably try to dance at Club Areola (too obscure a reference?). But once I complete those two things, I'll still have probably 23 hours and 30 minutes to fill.

And don't expect a recap of the trip when I get back. After all, what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas. I think they may make you sign a contract to that effect upon entering the city limits.


psquared said...

I pretty much live here due to all the conventions here through the year. So here is some of the must do’s in my humble opinion:

See the fountains at the Ballagio
Have a cocktail in the basement of the Barbary Coast (there is an elevator you will need to find)
Get your picture taken in front of the Siegfried and Roy Statue
Put a max bet in every large slot machine you pass
Bet on your home team or college team in the Ceaseas Sports Book
Walk the strip at night
Walk the strip first thing in the morning before others wake up
See the Freemont Street Experience – eat a deep fried Twinkie there

Bring a jacket – it gets chilly at night. Take lots of pictures and hold them against your fellow travels when you get home.

Safe travels.


Chixulub said...

There are a lot of places on earth I'd like to visit, and Vegas doesn't make the list until I get to one long enough to include African war zones and Southeast Asian natural disasters.

I'd say this: take the money you were going to gamble and give it to the nearest wino you find begging. You'll know where your money went, and the wino won't raise your hopes the way the casino tries to.

What else to do? Legal prostitution. Go to one of those 'ranches' where the women put out for money. Good as any place to squander your money. If you don't swing that way, think of the stories they could tell you if you just paid for the time they'd have spent pretending to like some truck driver or conventioneer.

On a less Debbie Downer note: I think Penn & Teller still have a gig there, that'd be something to catch.

Kate said...

Well damn, I love this place.

1. Have a drink at the Venetian- the bar is called "Venus" i think.

2. Play the slots at Ceasers

3. Get to a buffet- anywhere just so you can gorge and prepare a good base for all the free alcohol.

4. PLay blackjack at the Bellagio

5. Run to one of the marriage chapels with a friend- have fun!

Have a blast, and let loose!

yournamehere said...

I live in Vegas.

Go to a lounge with a great view of the city. Choose from Voodoo Lounge at the Rio, Ghostbar at the Palms, Fix at Mandalay Bay, or Foundation Room at Mandalay Bay.

Eat lunch at the cafe at Paris.

For people watching, have a drink at Margaritaville.


Someone mentioned the Fountains at Bellagio. They were correct in doing so. A must see.

I personally hate Fremont Street, and I wouldn't go there alone.

If you get in a cab, tell the cabby you live in Green Valley near Arroyo Grande and Wigwam. That way he'll think you're local and won't rip you off.

The Hard Rock Hotel is a must-see. Eat at Pink Taco.

Anonymous said...

Make that 5 regular readers!
So I do not live nor have I ever been to Vegas so I have no recommendations but I think the Wedding Chapel idea is excellent, hey, if it´s good enough for Britney...


MooCow said...

You mean that episode where DJ puts in a coin when Joey's back is turned and it ends up winning the jackpot but then the casino owner shows up with a videotape showing DJ stepping across the velvet rope?

No I don't know it...

Chris said...

I got the Club Areola joke as well as the title reference. Never been to Vegas but I could only hope to be as lucky as Mr. Pappageorgio.

Ayatollah Mugsy said...

If you came down on the side of the pirates over the ninjas, you may like the nightly shows outside of Treasure Island casino. They have dancing ship-borne pirates and lots of cheesy dialogue. For example, the pirates approach a ship filled with sexy sea-sirens, and the captain says, "Arrrgh! I've never seen so much booty!"

You also must see the lions at the MGM Grand. They had the biggest rawhide bone I had ever seen.

Walking Wounded said...

Have a great time while you're there although it would be hard not to unless you totally lost your shirt/skirt at the tables. Or if you went ape like Warren the Ape and strangle your prostitute!


browser58 said...

Damn, that is a great idea for a new service. Get married and have it annulled in 24 hours. We provide an escort/fiance, Wedding chapel and annullment lawyer for one price. Then you have a great story to tell when you get home. If you are in to more sedate things to see, Grand Canyon Flight is nice if a bit pricey. Regular Reader #10

Gordy said...

I love Vegas, have a fantastic trip. Of course we expect a little recap, we won't tell anyone, honest.

Gordy said...

And I definitely want to see a picture of you in that outfit!

Jess said...

Ooooh I love Vegas. Hubby and I are going next Aug. for our Anniversary. Last time I went, I was on business too.

Must see...

-Fountains at the Bellagio
-Go to at least one buffet
-Rub the lucky mermaid's boobs at the Mirage
-Walk through every hotel you can (almost every one has something fun to do)
-Coyote Ugly in New York New York
-Walk the strip at night
-Buy cheesy Vegas souveniers for your friends
-Go to the Ghost Bar at the Palms

That's all I have!! Have fun!

mwp said...

"You're in big trouble, mithter!"

NowhereGirl said...


I am so freaking jealous. I am a Vegas Whore. Love it, love it, love it!!!

It doesn't matter where you go or what you do... it's always fun in Vegey. Have fun chickita!!!

sue said...

Enjoy! ... and we won't ask... ;)

The Other Half said...

aww comon!!!


I'm sure you already heard, but in case you didn't, VEGAS IS AWESOME! As far as the work holiday party, f-that business casual dress attire and go with your original outfit of choice...feather and sequin bikini! I think it will make a lasting impression and after all, that is what Vegas is all about - leaving your mark on Sin City. Enjoy!

K2 said...

tsk tsk.

yanno, I too was in Sin City this past weekend, Thursday - Monday. If I'd have known... if I'd have known. Think of it, you could've had a date to the party, and then come out with us (I was doing some client schmoozing myself)

Come to think of it, I even mentioned you to a former/current (?)co-workier (same company, different city)

I'd have been good... I promise

Saucy Lil' Tart said...

Vegas on NYE is pimp. Even for those of us who are a little worn out of Vegas. It's still a partier's paradise.