Warning: Potentially Offensive Post to Follow

Who am I kidding with this "potentially offensive" shit? Almost certainly offensive is probably more accurate.

I am linking to Tard-Blog.com with a clear understanding of the hate email and/or comments that may ensue, but I would like to offer the following caveats in hopes of minimizing the damage:

1. Riti Sped clearly loves both her job and the kids that she works with, and all stories are relayed with an underlying affection. You need only read this story (bottom half, number 40: "Book Order Day") to see that. The parents are a different story; she obviously hates them all. For good reason, though, as you'll see as you read.

2. These kids are funny. I don't see why (and here I'm opening myself up to perhaps more hate mail) you shouldn't laugh at a funny story just because the main character is handicapped (you need only look to South Park's handi-capable Jimmy for supporting evidence). Kids themselves are funny, special-ed or not. I can't wait to have kids just so I can relate stories of dumb things that they said so I won't have to think of original things to write about anymore. Like the five-year old who burned his mouth on hot garlic bread and exclaimed, "It's the goodness of the garlic burning your intentions out!"* Or when I worked at a daycare, and one of the girls drew an anatomically correct picture of a man and pointed out to the entire class his penis and "popsicles!" When I'm a mom, I will be laughing at my kids constantly. Not with them, but at them.

3. Seriously, how mad would you be if you knew I had a site that contained the gems listed below and didn't share?

I am in my room, waiting for my 11:00 group to show up for math. It is 11:09, I begin to wonder where they are. Then I remind myself that they are retarded, and stop wondering.

Augusta walks in and sits down at the table. He takes one look at the cupcake and gets so angry that he turns it over and smears it all over the table. He looks at the kid next to him and says "I can't believe you can eat that, it looks like abortion."

I walk over to the new kid, and notice that his lunch, in its entirety, is gone. Even his soda pop, finished. I ask him how he ate his lunch so fast. Tyler, who is sitting nearby, points at Augusta, and says, "No he didn't eat it, the Kentucky Fried Fat-Ass over there did."

After I told him that he wouldn't have individual play today because he didn't turn in his assignments, he responded "I FUCK MOTHER!". Out on the playground I heard him yell "You shit fucker," at one of the other students. While lining up to leave, another student cut in front of him, "Ass fuck me" was his reply. I really feel like writing his parents back and telling them they should teach their kid how to curse, because what he's learning in my classroom just isn't cutting it.

This morning, as all the kids were unpacking their things, I notice the old new kid was just sitting there, doing nothing. I said to him, "You need to unpack your backpack." His response to me- "You need to unpack your butt."

Final note: Yes, some of these stories made me sad (usually in regard to the home life that some of these kids have, which made me want to scoop them all up and deposit them in Disneyland). But more made me laugh. Hence the sharing.


*From Three Kids Circus, who has the most quotable kids ever.