Thursday, January 26, 2006

Can't You Just Get a Buns of Steel Video and Do It at Home?

Okay. It's time we talked.

I honestly admire your New Year's resolution to get to the gym, lose weight, and become healthier. Good for you! Yay you! However, please fucking stop. Seriously. Every year I have to put up with you, and frankly, I'm sick of it. I'm sick of all the lockers being full, I'm sick of having to wait an hour for a treadmill, I'm sick of not having any space in the free weight area to lift, I'm sick of having to wait for a mat to do my abs and stretch, not to mention the space to do so, I'm sick of all the classes being full, I'm sick of all the people wandering around like lost little puppy dogs.

Usually it dies down around the third week of January, so that would be....now. You can stop now. You aren't going to follow through, so just go ahead and stop now. Save the $40 montly membership fee and buy yourself a couple gallons of ice cream. Low-fat, even, if you still want to try the whole "healthy" thing.

But please leave the gym to me.

*Note: Not that I don't want people to, you know, better themselves and all, but seriously, do you all have to do it at once?

19 comments:

Michael Manning said...

Anonymous Midwest Girl: You look fabulous, so I wouldn't worry about workout fads. Do what you want because that's what counts--whatever program works for you. lol!

Sallis said...

Bah, methinks resolutions are a waste of inhalation. Of course, this is because I never manage to keep mine, but whatev.

David said...

I just met you - but I could grow to like you. haha
come see whateverisnew.blogspot.com
please

scott c said...

Thanks, AMG. Thanks to you I'll probably die of a heart attack at 32. To think I was going to start working out next week.
sc.

HighMaintenanceHussy said...

Hehehehe...I anticipated this sudden burst of fitness, and purchased some home equipment.

It's liberating not to have other people's sweat sprayed onto you. :)

Thanks for stopping by Recreational Use. I'm a virgo! I'm a midwestern girl! I went to/live in Europe!

You're seriously linked.

Pat said...

This is pretty hilarious. The gyms sure love the added business in January, but I freakin' hate it!

Now I just use my building's exercise room. It lacks most of the equipment I like, but you can't beat the price.

Calzone said...

I can't stop thinking about you

Shmorg said...

The best was in college when all the guys would hit the gym for Spring Break in Feb and then the girls would all starve themselves in March.
Yeah, that was a great time. Much better to watch then new years resolution.

THE DUKE said...

That's hilarious because my buddies and I were just talking about that last night - our gym is finally starting to thin out a little. 3rd week in January - like clockwork.

AWE said...

I am with you. This is exactly why I am waiting until Feb to change gyms. I don't want people to think I am a New Year's resolution person.

Chris said...

I'm right there with you. Fortunately, my gym has thinned out and it's back to the regulars. We did manage to pick up one or two new regulars (I think), which is cool.

So long as they remember their place. F-ing noobs. ;)

Spirophita said...

I hear you, sister. The two Lifetime Fitnesses (in the Minneapolis/Twin Cities area) I hit are crazy busy, to the point where I've begun climbing over people and considered throwing barbells at those idiots reading newspapers in-between sets. So I joined a fancy, expensive gym. If you have the means, do it. They don't put up with idiotic resolutioners (at least they have a membership max).

DIAMONDKT said...

Amen to that! It's one of my biggest gripes every January, all the "half assed New Year's resolution keepers".

They all swear that "this is the year I will lose 20 pounds and live a healthy life"...only to find themselves putting on an extra 5lbs after quitting the gym mid January and making trips to McDonalds instead.

Anonymous said...

While I am unable to work out due to a nasty ankle injury, I have obsereved the post-new year migration to the gym first hand while attending phsyical therapy at my gym. This week I've noticed a dramatic increase in the number of treadmills and stairsteppers available!

The lazing fucks are back at home stuffing their faces with fried chicken and pizza once again.

Popeye said...

I ate an ice cream bar I bought from a street vendor while taking my walk on the gym's treadmill. I thought it would be funny but one person balled me out because I didn't take my workout seriously enough. . .

Gary said...

Until I read your blog, I never knew about this phenomenon. Someone should make a movie about it. A comedy, of course.

Chixulub said...

Not to make Scott feel bad, but I actually had a heart attack and 32, and then almost had another one after a few months of using the gym like crazy: I'd gotten addicted to the eliptical trainers and free weights, both of which became suddenly almost impossible to get on after the New Years Resolution rush...

JordanBaker said...

And why do they all have to improve themselves at my gym? There are others!

Paladin said...

Heck, AMG- I TOLD you you could use the gym at work- free, closer, decent hours.

No- you HAVE to go to the fancy gym. Not enough guys to show off to at the smaller place??? ;-)