Monday, January 23, 2006

Mandatory Participation Day!

Today! We are going to play a fun game! Everyone! Yes, you! And you! Even you over there crouching down averting your eyes so you don't get called on! You too!

Just like Law & Order, this game was ripped from the headlines, or actually from MysteryGirl! who stole it from RitMeyer who stole it from LuLu to whom it was presented on stone tablets directly from God. Just kidding, not God, but really, I'm not going to go back any further than three degrees. This isn't freaking Kevin Bacon.

Back to the game! Yes! Aren't you just dying of excitement and curiosity? I know I am!

Post a comment with a COMPLETELY MADE UP AND FICTIONAL memory of you and me. It can be anything you want - good or bad - BUT IT HAS TO BE FAKE. You've got free reign. Start your sentence "Remember when you and I...."

So! Everyone! Post that memory! Creativity and hilarity rule! You can see how very excited I am about this game by all! of! the! exclamation! points!

**UPDATE** Right now I want to make sweet, sweet love to each and every one of you for the completely freaking awesome memories you have posted. I'm setting aside two weeks in February to do so; sign up sheets will be available in the lobby. I never remember what a crazy life I led. Thank God I did all those drugs in the 60's to help me forget. If you haven't posted yet, DO SO. That is a command! And God help you if you don't....God help you.


63 comments:

Scoot said...

Remember when you and I went to New York and we saw Saturday Night Live? It was the night that Coldplay was performing and then Gwyneth Paltrow got all jealous when she saw you chatting up hubby Chris Martin of Coldplay?

man, I never thought Gwyneth could hit that hard...I still have a welt from that.

Ayatollah Mugsy said...

Remember when you and I marched on Washington for civil rights? You held my paw tightly as we chanted "Let the dogs vote! Let the dogs vote!" It was such an exhilarating moment -- to be a part of history. You stood in the front row cheering for me as I gave my famous "I have a dream" speech. We felt we were truly making a difference in the fight against pug disenfranchisement. And afterwards, by the dim light of the Lincoln Memorial, we kissed.

Robert said...

Remember that time we shaved our heads except for a pony tail and joined the Hare Krishnas. Then we walked into the sacred temple with a bag of hamburgers. Man, the look of horror on their faces was priceless! Then we laughed and pointed at them all. Hahahaha! Good times.

bigfootcookie said...

Remember when you and I and AMBF went on that camping trip to Barrow in Alaska. Boy that was cold. You got chased by that Polar Bear when you teased it about the size of it's manhood, and I got frostbite on my left nipple, somehow. Oh, and AMBF taught me that cool Hugo Boss stunt he practised on you.

Hugo Boss:
"The act of holding the wife's or girlfriend's head under one's quilt after farting. AKA A Dutch oven. From the male perfume advertising slogan 'Your fragrance. Your rules."

ash said...

Remember when you and I first met? I'll never forget. It seemed like you were looking right at me from the moment you came in the room. You barely glanced around after you entered, just walked right up to me. I couldn't believe my luck!
You pursed your lips and asked me,
"Could I have a Chicky Fillet Meal to go please?"

So I got your Chicken, your fries and your drink. You watched me the whole time as I put them in the brown paper bag, with that bored, apathetic look you do so well.
I gave you the bag, you gave me the money.
I gave you your change.
And then you turned and walked out, forever.
What a magical moment...

browser58 said...

Ahh, remember when you and I had side by side basinets in the baby ward at that hospital in Colorado Springs. August, 1942, both our mom's were army wives and got to know each other well. Hmmm, or maybe that was your mother or even your grandmother - my mind is not what it used to be.

Bob said...

Remember when you and I took that road trip to Hollywood to break into show business? We stopped in Vegas, saw some shows, lost all our money in the casinos, won it all back the next day, and finally made it to California.

While there, you did a guest shot on CSI where you played Gary Dourdan's lover. In the end, he did fingerprint you because your DNA proved you were the killer.

As we headed back home, we stopped again in Vegas, this time at one of the drive-thru wedding chapels and got married. We thought, "The folks back home will never believe this!"

By the time we got back, we agreed that though married, we would live separate lives, feeling that would be best for us.

"sigh"

Love ya AMG!!!!

TYSEN said...

Remember when you and I got trapped in that grain silo? God, that sucked...

The Muse said...

Remember when we decided to road trip up to New England and participate in a clam chowder eating contest? And then you got mad at me because you were hoping for Brunswick stew instead?
Yeah, good times. ;)

Jess said...

Remember that time we were driving through the Nevada desert and we witnessed a mob hit? The next day we were put into the Witness Protection Program and you had to assume the identity "Anonymous Midwest Girl". Wasn't your name like Bunny Seymour before?

Oh....oh shit....better call the agency

Chris F. said...

I'll never forget the time that I bumped into you at that Starbucks in Paris, France. You were wearing that glamourous red sequin dress of yours, and I had fallen into a puddle, was soaked and smelly. But you still gave me a hug and went off to your jello wrestling match all muddy. It was so sweet of you!

Thomas, the Retarded Monkey said...

Remember that time we went of a four day tequila bender, and I ended up offering to put my mad monkey love skills on you?

o 0 (Oh yeah, "made up and fictional")

And you declined?

Gadfly said...

Remember that time you and I woke up naked in the back of Rob Zombie's tour bus? Have you ever seen so many empty champagne and baby oil bottles? We probably shouldn't have taken all that acid, but man, it was a hell of a first date.

t.k.smith said...

Remember when you and I went rock climbing in Utah and I slipped and was holding on by one arm and I asked you to help me and you just laughed. Then you stomped on my hand and I fell off to my death.

Remember that? Well I'm back to haunt you, buwahaha.

hannah said...

Remember that time when you and I broke into the partially constructed freshman dorm on a snowy night around 1:00a. Needless to say, we were inexplicably inebriated. We were joined by a kid name Atif in a 3-piece suit. We ran around the hallways and dodged empty elevator shafts and tons of rebar. Then remember what happened next?

The huge spotlight and the megaphone made an appearance. "We see all 4 of you! Come out with your hands up!" The security guards came and escorted us out, but not before our friend Rachel threw out numerous beer cans she so delicately had stashed in her purse.

They asked for our ID's. I tried to give a fake alibi, but alas, they were too smart.

Remember what happened next? The construction site was closed off with barriers and yellow tape. A sign had been posted.

"All trespassers, if caught, will be fined $500."

I sure am glad we escaped that one!

Trix said...

Remember when you and I went on vacation to Cuba together? I was really cranky one day, so you suggested I take my frustrations out on our hot cabana boy? Yeah, well thanks for that genius idea. I'm now 8 months pregnant with Juan Carlos's love child, except, he left me...for Javier.

GREAT IDEA!

THE DUKE said...

Rememeber that one time, at band camp when Mr. Proctor said that in order to love our instruments, we had to really LOVE our instruments?

My snare drum was mediocre in redefining the term "drum head" and your bassoon was just a little on the "big" side.

The funniest though, was watching Petey try to figure out how to love his viola - WOW! Was that ever awkward!

AlRo said...

Remember when you and I were back in high-school - and you walked right into me, cuz you didn't know where you were going. You were reading from your yearbook - laughing -- that smile, i will never forget that smile..

I was fiddling with my Sony Walkman - trying to get my Iron Maiden tape unjammed when you collided with me head on.

Your books went flying - our heads clunked together .. my walkman fell on the floor in a clatter...

Our eyes met for the first time. Your smile - faded into a small, yet adorable grimace .. like an ooooooh as your rubbed your forehead.

I went to speak; to apologize, but i was entranced with your beauty.. I immediately fell in love..

Then you slap me; slapped me HARD upside the head and said,

"Watch where you're going you flippin' idiot .. " - and stormed.. off ..

*sigh* oh the memories... Oh that smile...

Dennis! said...

Remember when you and I took that road trip through the South and that guy with the chainsaw and funny-looking mas took a kinda inappropriate liking to you? Wow, it's a good thing I was there to open up a big can o' whoop-ass on him then get us outta there in that stolen pickup.

bronxbt said...

Remember when you and I went behind the barn at band camp? You showed me that amazing (and somewhat dizzying) trick with that accordian, and I showed you how I could play the guitar with my... feet?

It was so cool. Even on days like this when I sit in my office and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life, I recall memories like that, those moments we shared, the gleam in your eyes, and the slow weazing in-and-out sounds your accordian made as you sang me an irish lullaby.

Hell, I'm not even Irish, but the thought makes me want to cry.

mr puddins says hello BTW, he wasn't there, but upon explanation of my sudden tears, he wants to meet you.

Come visit!?

AWE said...

Remember when you and I were flying over South America and the plane caught fire when you dropped the bong. The pilot came back to put out the fire and he slipped in the water from the bong and was knocked out. I was glad that you had the Microsoft Simulator training, you put us down right in the middle of that jungle.

And where did you ever learn how to fight fire ants with a tree branch and a tube of Chapstick? I thought we were gonners until you built that hot air balloon from the sap of that gum tree. We need to send a thank you not to the Bic lighter company for making a flame that lasted that long.

I am sorry that you had to spend those couple of months in the Mexican jail. I didn't know the dog could smell the cocaine from the ground. When he started barking I just freaked. That is when I pushed you over, but didn't I send you the cake with the dental floss and ball bearings, you were out in no time.

Maybe this year for spring break we can head to China and hike the Great Wall. Do you still think we can get part of it out of the country?

cloudy said...

I still laugh when I think of the look on your face when we robbed that convenience store.

Anonymous said...

Remember when we did lines of cocaine of that stripper's ass, and she died when she mistook the rat poison for blow, and we hid the body under your bed until we sold it to the kid down the street for five bucks? Man, strippers are stupid.

scumbag said...

remember when you and i goddamn yer hot!

Bill the Apostle said...

remember how I made you cry?

Malia said...

Remeber when you and I went on a killing spree at the local Wal-mart. The look on that people greeter's face was priceless when we rushed in, you dressed like the 80s Madonna and me like Britney Spears. We rocked the joint as we hit all 32 registers one by one. That was quite a day!

Malia

Chixulub said...

Remember when you and I took that Youth Symphony bus trip? Those Reagan Youth kids didn't seem that scary to me, but you said they made you uncomfortable and drank the spiced rum I brought along. I remember holding your hair as you threw up in the bus bathroom and thinking, there's just no way she's going to remember anything from tonight.

Okay maybe you don't remember that night, but you were sure pissed at me the next day. I tried to chalk it up to your hangover, but the bus windows didn't roll down and there hadn't been a good place to dispose of the used condoms.

Did you ever forgive me? And did you ever forgive me for the crabs?

Fridaysweb said...

Remember when you and Dennis! came to North Carolina and saw that guy with the chainsaw and weird mask? He's my cousin/brother/uncle, ya know. He's kinda freaky, huh?

Dirty Dan Sin said...

remember when you and i got stuck in lawrence, kansas that night that the old squareback broke down? you ran off with my favorite hat and i chased you through the tall grass until you tripped and totally somersaulted really close to that rock. and it was funny but then it was kinda not funny for me too because your head was so close to that rock when you landed. and i just couldn't stop kissing you. i was so glad that you were ok.

do you remember?

Spirophita said...

Do you remember when you and I got captured by those bonobos whilst reenacting our Indiana Jones fantasies on vacation in Madagascar?

I was prepared to run from the huge boulder, but being forced to peel bananas with our feet for hours of bonobo entertainment was just too much.

Then you totally used those aikido moves you learned while touring with your band in Japan, and I've kept the bokken you used to remind me of our friendship.

Why did you have to go ahead and leave me to become a research subject for some crazed primate scientist? Don't you remember how we used to be best friends?

Anonymous said...

Remember when you and I decided to be superheroes and put our underwear on over our trousers and went about the dock area kicking criminal ass? Yeah, we sure busted those damn drug runners good.
And we accidentally killed that mugger and as we buried him in that shallow grave (I don't think anyone ever missed him. Not really.) we realised he had that winning lottery ticket and with the proceeds we bought that uncharted island (Sheesh, those natives drove a hard bargain. Was it 10 or 15 pounds of coffee thay wanted ?) and once we decided costumed villians had all the fun we used it as a base to launch our bid for world domination?

Yeah those were the good days.

Pity you quit on me.
Worse, you took our secret army with you.
What are you doing with them by the way?
We were so near, I am sure we were THIS close to total global control. Sigh.

I'd appreciate if you'd come back for me by the way.

This island sure is getting lonely.

*

Jerry said...

remember when I lived in california and you lived in the midwest and we never knew each other were alive till right this minute....sorry it had to be fictional didn't it...oh, and I had a wooden lung.

Anonymous said...

I dont know if this has any exact relavence, but then again maybee it does...

wierd

http://inhershadow.blogspot.com/

Chris said...

Remember when you and I found that weird stuff in the back of the fridge in that awful apartment we shared in college? I thought it was old soup, but you were convinced it was cottage cheese? You dared me to eat it, and it turned out to be jello that had been left behind by the tenants previous to the ones who lived in the apartment before us. I ate some, and then you didn't want to feel left out, so you ate some, and then it turned us both into zombies. Remember how when our other roommate came home (what was his name?) we ate his brains? Man, that was a crazy night. It took two priests, a rabbi and a mad homeless preacher to turn us back to normal. I don't think what's-his-name's girlfriend ever forgave us.

Shmorg said...

Remember when I bet you to eat 50 White Castle hamburgers in under a hour. You took the challenge only to make it to 47 and then I made you pay the $20 for the burgers. That was funny!
Until you came to my house the next day to use the bathroom. My toilet hasn't been the same since. And I can't seem to get the smell out of my house. I guess the joke was on me.
Damn you!

Spirit of Albion said...

Remember when you and I rented that cabin in Brown County during our Senior year at Indiana University? How could we forget...... We spent the weekend drinking soft red wine from Oliver Winery, getting stoned, and doing things we once thought were physically impossible. Looking back, I think we both knew that our relationship was purely physical and would only be temporary. I regret nothing......

Leftygolfer said...

I remember when we could sleep on stones. And now we lie together in whispers and moans. When I was all messed up, and I heard opera in my head, your love was lightbulb hanging over my bed (only us diehards are going to get that one!).

I remember when I tried to jump Springfield Gorge on my skateboard, but you stopped me at the last second. Thanks for taking all the head injuries that came with the experience!

I remember when you and Tootie got those painful braces.....

I remember meeting you in the audience at a Tragically Hip show one summer. I ended up getting farther with you than your then-boyfriend, and he was standing right there, furious that you were more into me than him....

I remember being absolutely disconsolate about moving to Los Angeles and leaving my long-time girlfriend back in NYC; you and I went out with the boy named Sue, Charles and my buddy Rob. I'll never forget that "Big #$^&ing Bear" speech that you and Sue gave me!

I remember stealing 'Helter Skelter' back from Charles Manson.

I'll never forget that time that I gave you a bejeweled necklace (unfortunately, not a pearl necklace), and you let me draw you naked. You should have checked my work -- I'm a terrible artist but I got you to take your top off!

I remember when you and I 'jacked that truck of guns in Queens. Turns out the contents were owned by a half-Turkish crime lord, and DAMN did he make us jump through some hoops!

I'll never forget the look on your face when I found you on the beach of Zihautanejo.

Of course, you also took me to Brokeback Mountain and I didn't like that at all.

I'll never forget your reaction when we cut class in high school and I ended up singing 'Twist and Shout' on a float in a parade.

But mostly, I'll remember that time that we got arrested in some small town for being a bad Samaritan. It seemed like the prosecution brought back everyone that ever had anything to say about us; and while we chuckled at all the memories, ultimately we felt cheated that they spent all this time bringing up the past instead of coming up with something original.

Anonymous said...

Remember when you and I went somewhere over the rainbow, way up high?

Just wanted to say what an incredible response is on here. Even Bob posted and he hasn't posted in months, nay, years!! I was sure he was dead.

So, let me get this straight. You are going to make sweet sweet love to those who sign the list in the lobby?
I wouldn't have believed you yesterday but looking at all the people you've fictionally kissed, I se it must be true.

Wow, you sure get around. Fictionally.

*

BadGod said...

Don't forget the uh, I mean....yeah you're right. Any whoo, the zoo is cool.

Leese said...

Remember that time we made a bet on that football game and you lost? I'm still waiting on that $500 you owe me...I hope the check is in the mail.

Steve said...

Remember that time when I was delivering a pizza to your home, and you opened the door wrapped in nothing but plastic wrap?

You embarrasedly said you were expecting someone else. Yeah right.

portuguesa nova said...

Dude, I'd love to play along, but what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, so mum's the word.

But apparently commenter-from-way-up-at-the-top Bob doesn't respect that.

The Foxybrown Show said...

Remember when you and chilled in London for 36 hours? It was so excellent, we walked the cobblestone streets of soho during the morning rush and then took a tour of Brixton and I made silly comparisons of my old neighborhood in harlem and you laughed as I took pictures inside the bullet hole decorated phone booth. Those pictures are priceless, then we had an amazing dinner in Earls Court and what appeared to be a sleazy pub but ended up being one of the best meals either of us had enjoyed in years...Later that night we burned off the calories dancing the night away at Heaven, we walked out of that club at 10am the following morning and shared an English Breakfast that we never tasted due to our extreme hunger then parted ways...Never to see eachother ever again. Do you remember that?

Bob said...

All right, portuguesa nova.

You are correct.

I will abide by what the tourist bureau has planted in our heads.

Forty lashes with a wet noodle.

DIAMONDKT said...

Remember when you and I....decided to take a road trip together and on the way we picked up a couple of midgets to engage in a group orgy with? I believe it was Mini Me, Webster and that little guy from Different Strokes that we came across on Route 66. We got our kicks on all right. Different strokes for different folks. Ahh, yes. Those were good times!

Then remember when you told me you always secretly wanted to grow up and be a crack whore and I broke down into tears because that too has always been a dream of my own. I couldn't believe how much we shared in common - from midget orgies to crack whoreing, I knew our love was a love that would last a lifetime. Here's to you Anonymous Midwest Girl! May we forever reminisce about all these good times, including the late nights we spent sitting around the toaster burning the flesh off our fingers with Pop Tarts.

Ok, I need to stop there because I am getting a little chocked up right now. Damn these happy tears. I didn't want them to start flowing. See what you have done. Much love to you my crazy crack whore companion. :)

Yorkshire Pudding said...

Remember when you and I first met at summer camp in Ohio. You were so cute with your pigtails, brace and your dimpled chin. I was counselling for the summer. You were in my pack - I recall we were called The Wyandottes after the red indian tribe of that name. We kept in touch by letter and then you grew up. At nineteen you followed your dreams and came over to England for your second university year. I met you at the station in Sheffield and took you for a Big Mac to make you feel at home.

Earthssoftunderbelly said...

Remember when you and I.... wait... nah, that wasn't you.

earthssoftunderbelly said...

...well, it might HAVE been you. Does the smell of burning earwax ring any bells? or "I HEAR IT!!! I HEAR IT!!! Turn the damn thing off!" ?

Anything?

Earthssoftunderbelly said...

Well, f*ck it. It was pretty damn funny, even if it wasn’t you. I’m pretty sure it was you, though, and I want to get in line for “sweet, sweet loving” while supplies last…

Remember when you and I were interns in DC and we were in the basement disposing of all those “non-plausibly deniable” pages and I told you that you could hear paper scream if you listened hard enough. And you got those incredibly pendulous earlobes caught in the shredder before I could tell you I was just having a flashback. What a mess. But, you took it pretty well, and we went out by the book burning bonfire and braided your “ear noodles” until the painkillers set in. I don’t think we should have left them in, though. It’s cool that they healed up into Dreadlobes, but I think that fad will pass, and you’ll just be embarrassed that you were “just one of the crowd”.

I’m starting to think that your lobes are actually connected and that wasn’t you at all.

Yeah, nevermind.

yournamehere said...

Remember when you and I were in Vietnam and the shrapnel wound left you temporarily disoriented? I pulled you into a foxhole, stitched you up, and gave you my last drop of canteen water.

You, being out of your mind with a concussion, high fever, and stomach flu, thought I was Burt Reynolds (very handsome Vietnam War-era Burt) and insisted on making love to me right there in the foxhole.

Unfortunately, our loud cries of passion led the Viet Cong right to us. They beat me and took me to a filthy prison, where I was brutally tortured for six long, agonizing years.

They decided you "had suffered enough" by having sex with me, so they left you to be rescued by U.S. troops.

I still have nightmares of the savage treatment I received at the hands of my captors, but was it worth it to be with you? Well, no. It was great, don't get me wrong, but worth six years of eating rats and having bamboo chutes broken off in my ass? Not even close.

sue said...

I don't do anything that starts with "mandatory"... ;)

muse-in-training said...

Remember when you and I took that whale-watching cruise up to Alaska? Those two Scandinavian guys kept trying to hook up with us (at least we thought), but they didn't speak a word of English!

Leigh said...

...we rented that apartment in Texas after graduation, and then greasy Ethan Hawke moved in, and I went to work at the Gap, and Steve Zahn finally came out of the closet, and you tried to make a movie, but Ben Stiller ruined it, and then he fixed it, but it didn't matter cuz you were all about that greasy Ethan Hawke? Yeah, that was cool.

Vince said...

Remember when you and I tricked George W Bush into dancing naked for us? What did we do with those photos? We definitely need to get those published.

smcvz

Sallis said...

so I totally didn't check my comments for the longest time because I had not updated it, and did not find your comment until about two minutes ago.

Bonjour. I am apparently quite lazy.

But remember that time when we met spontaneously on the Eiffel tower? That was insane.

Thomas said...

Remember when you and I got kicked out of the grocery store for scooping a pair of lobsters out of the meat department aquarium, driving them over to the bread aisle in the race-car grocery kart, and then raced them from aisle 4 to aisle 9? It was mad fun!

tas said...

Remember when you and I were in Home Street Bar in Edinburgh, the bar staff were so cool they let you eat your Fish and chips (fries) in the bar.

We played the random drink game and when the barman gave you water you scrunched up your face and yelled "Hell No H2 Oh!".

The Bar staff gave us free brazilian Liquour and we gob-smacked when we did body Shots of Tequilia.

an_american_girl said...

Remember when we met at that cafe on the island of Chios, a few hours before I was supposed to get on another ship to the next island?

You came over to my table and bought me a bottle of Ouzo and asked me to go swimming with you. So we went to your car, and drove to the other side of the island to a secluded beach. We skinny-dipped in the clear waters, making out amongst the waves, and then we started making sweet sweet love on the beach.

After a little while a man came by and had to step over us to get by on the narrow beach, trying not to stare at our lovemaking. But then he came back our way after we had finished, and asked you for a cigarette. You shared your last one with him, and then made small talk whilst I laid there trying to cover myself.

I never made it to that boat that night, remember? And stayed with you in Greece for another 6 months until the magic started to disappear. I wonder if it could ever come back?

Let me know if you think it will....

Paladin said...

I remember when your mom and I were sitting at home with a friend over, talking and watching some Star Trek flick, and your mom suddenly looking a little confused and pained.

A contraction- a litle different than those she had been having, and just a few minutes after a milder one.

The friend and I immediately began a nervous teasing about it 'being time', but I timed the pains to a few minutes apart. The friend helped us bundle things up as we began a cartoonish run for the hospital.

It was a remarkably short labor, especially for a first child. Everything started at about 8pm on a Saturday night, and by 1:30 you had popped out- all red and squiggly.

Ah, memories!

Jason said...

Remember that time we watched the sun set over Lake Michigan and we weren't sure if God or anything that mattered really existed but we were sure of that one moment and the beauty that it that unfolded to us like a gift, the reds, purples, magentas and the water and sky meeting and kissing not as furtive sneaking lovers but in the passionate embrace of two meant for each other, intimates, with no desire to be anywhere else or hide from us or any of the hundreds who lined the shore that night?

the vine multimedia said...

Well, my favourite memory is that time that I accidentally got you into a fight with the Bored Housewife.
Yeah, she didn't like the fact that I suggested she could use her blog to help forward some worthy causes so she got real ticked at me. Even her friend who has the name of a citrus fruit sent some fighting words in my direction...
I knew I couldn't handle the situation on my own so I called you and Scott in for some back-up.
Man, you guys were tough... You totally layed the smack down on that old lady!!
It was awesome! I wish I would have had popcorn to see you stomp on her ego...

You're the best.

AMG vs Bored Housewife

Anonymous said...

You seriously have to remember when we were throwing low-fat garlic-flavored croutons at the seagulls on the ferry across the sound from Seattle to Bainbridge Island when the killer whale breached the surface and it seemed, it just had to be, deliberately snapped up a crouton that hit the water below. It's why because of that you still tease your little cousin that "Orca's gonna getcha!" whenever she has salad.

It was the Fourth of July weekend, remember?

-Troy Z

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