Monday, January 09, 2006

Gary Dourdan Can Fingerprint Me Anytime He Wants.

I'm slightly concerned because, while my burned finger appears to have healed, my sense of touch with that finger is greatly diminished. Whenever I touch something it feels like I'm doing it through a latex glove. Or when you were little, did you ever spread Elmer's glue on your finger and let it dry, then peel it off to look at your fingerprints? It kind of feels like there's a layer of glue on it. And while spreading glue on my finger and forgetting about it is something I might be likely to do, I did check, and alas, there is no glue.

Speaking of fingerprints, along with the lack of sensation my whorls and ridges are damn near gone! The main pad of my fingertip is almost entirely smooth. Which means, of course, if I could commit a crime with that finger only, I would never get caught. Not even by Gil Grissom and the entire CSI team.

On a different, completely unrelated topic, because who doesn't love a meandering post, I won $100 playing poker this weekend. How? That's just the way I roll, boo-yah. I won one game of Hold 'Em and one game of you-call-it. All though somehow I only ended up with $85, so someone didn't pay up and if I don't get my money I will kill you with my right middle finger and never get caught.


During you-call-it, Scott was trolling the internet looking for new variations of poker we could try, which is always the smart thing to do when it's two in the morning and you've been drinking since eight and you have money in the game. Try something you've never played before! Always fun! So we played Baseball (seven-card stud with 9s and 3s wild, and if you get a 4 face up then you get an extra card face down) and Queer poker (no straights and queens are wild). There's also Harem, where jacks and king are wild and three queens automatically wins. Because then you have a harem, get it? Clever bitchs. Other games that were brought up were Kenosha Cheese Porn, Grocery Shopping, The Price is Right, Dirty Shultz, Monkey Love*, and, I kid you not, Dog Butt. Someone has far too much time on their hands. But who am I to judge, I was playing them, right? There can't be anything better than a group of drunk dumbasses yelling "Cheese Porn" at random intervals throughout the night.

* No apparent relation to the new Tom Cavanagh series "Love Monkey," which I am looking forward to because "Ed" rocked my world, and no, I was not paid for that endorsement, though I would welcome a check from CBS at any time.


The Muse said...

Major congrats on winning the big $$! I remember playing with my (now-ex) boyfriend's hoodlum roommates on Saturday nights. I'd wait to start drinking until halfway through the game and then end up the only sober one when it was down to me and Big Stack. Hahahaha. Cash-money-baybee!!! ;)

hannah said...

AMG, AMG, AMG. You've finally managed to disappoint me somewhat. Love Monkey? You have got to be kidding me. And ED? Well, I guess its at least not as bad as that hairy jewish elf from the Santa Clause on NUMB3RS.

Anonymous said...

How does this girl manage to fit so many god times into one life?
It just don't seem right.
I think there are many people enduring hard, harsh bitter time sbecause AMG is using up their share.

Have a little humaity and try not to have quite so much fun nect week-end, ok AMG?

I mean, I went to see "Brokeback Mountain". A barrel of laughs, it was not.


Anonymous said...

In my head those words were, in order:



P.S I'm sure that adds up to some Yoda like wisdom right there.

scott c said...

I think I remained pretty... lucid that night, but I really don't remember the cries of "Cheese Porn."

I only remember losing my money (fix! fix! ahem).

scott c said...

ps: AMG, Don't you love the hairy Jewish Elf from the Santa Clause?

AlRo said...

Congrats on the big win.

on the burnt finger thing; not much different than playing guitar -- the tips of your fingers become so calloused that you don't feel much of anything there... so you have tough skin there.. it'll heal ---- eventually ;)

sue said...

I uh... liked "Ed", too... and the elf guy...but not so much.

Cheese porn = $ I'll remember that.

Gadfly said...

I hate all those wild card games. I'm trying to play poker!

Let's see ... 9s 7s 2s 4s 10s one-eyed jacks and suicide kings are wild ... lets see ... there's potentially ... I dunno ... 34 aces in the deck. I have four aces ... but these idiots play five aces ... I don't have five aces ...



The Lazy Iguana said...

Do not worry about the finger. That is just a little burn.

Being a guy, I am somewhat dumber than women. All guys are. That is why women tend to live longer.

Anyway, I managed to set my entire hand on fire one time. All the skin had second degree burns. The skin grew back, and all feeling did return. I had the same fingerprints after the incident.

Your Roomie said...

OK...I'll pay you. Just don't hurt me (anymore).

I Gradumenated!! said...

So, winning is pretty fun. I haven't been to a casino in ages. Just outside of my home town there was an indian casino that allowed you to gamble at the tender age of 18 (They had to change to 21 last year). Which isn't a problem, I was 18 towards the end of my sophmore year in high school and frequented the place often, didn't win much though. Actually probably lost more. Thank God I am not one of those who ended up in Gamblers Anonymous. Never had a problem with it, I always felt bad for losing my money.

On the whole burnt finger thing, I can feel for you. My dumb ass opened the dishwasher during a cycle thinking it wasn't working right and accidentally touched burner on the bottom. Yea, everything worked fine, but I too can no longer feel my finger...