Wednesday, February 22, 2006

I Have Now Accomplished Everything I Wanted to in Life.

So apparently, if you want to up your comment count, all you have to do is "bash" Coldplay in a post, and your comment intake will up 200%. Except it wasn't really bashing them so much as it was making a couple of sarcastic comments and mixing them in with praise like "I was pretty pumped about it..." and " was a good show..." and " was a very enjoyable show..." and "It truly was really cool..." and " was a very faithful and terrific rendition...". Which obviously are clear-cut statements of hate.

Anyway. I digress.

I - or at least this blog - am a search result for "grab a fraggle by its cock" (see how I bolded that to draw attention to it?). I am pretty sure nothing I accomplish in life from this point on will ever match the feeling of pride that this gives me. I am planning on going home and photoshopping myself a certificate to hang on my wall next to my diploma and Presidential Physical Fitness Award from fifth grade, my two previous greatest life accomplishments.

This blog also appears in the search results for:

"i want to kill my co-workers"
"i pity the fool"
"nazi girl"
"girl for me" (Apparently, I am the girl for someone out there!)
"martha stewart butt"
"office whore"
"girl X case" (I don't even know what this means?)
"grab a fraggle by its cock" (I know I already said this one, but I just wanted to type it again.)

I feel like I should be concerned about the government perhaps swooping in and confiscating my computer, between "I want to kill my co-workers" and "nazi girl". And, of course, "martha stewart butt." That one is disturbing and I want to know who out there is interested in that ass. Although theoretically I should probably be more concerned that someone is interested in grabbing the penis of a muppet. But really, that doesn't disturb me. I've always found Wembley Fraggle strangely arousing. And don't tell me you didn't always wonder if Red was truly a red-head....No? Um, perhaps I've said too much.


Brianne said...

Maybe I should attempt Coldplay bashing. I never get any comments!! And it would be sincere... those whiny bastards.

I always particularly liked Gobo myself.

Gadfly said...

I was going to write you a poem featuring "grab a Fraggle by its cock" but nothing in that rhymes with "Nantucket"

Jesus. I can so picture a doe eyed little AMG in footie pajamas watching Fraggle Rock with rapt attention while nibbling a PB&J with the crusts cut off.

Syncdata said...

If the government was looking for people who wanted to kill all their co-workers, they wouldn't get anything else done.

I kid. On the sly. But I can tell you, there are a number of numbskulls which I could stand to deprive of oxygen.Lucky for them I am a lover, not a fighter.

browser58 said...

I am with Gadfly, but I was thinking more along the lines of nursery rhymes or jump rope doggeral.

Take a pebble, stone or rock,
grab a fraggle by its cock,
lay the end upon a block,
then give it a big hard knock.

That'll teach them damn fraggles.

Actually I have nothing against fraggles, just a strange need to create rhymes. If I don't write them down they will run around in my head for hours.

Wish it paid better.

S.C. said...

See, *I* bash Coldplay and...well, I guess my comments doubled, I got two instead of one...

Julie_Gong said...

I'm sorry I failed to post a comment about fraggle cock. I feel ashamed to be partaking in the 'Coldplay Bashing' and not revel in the genius that is 'grab a fraggle by its cock.' Really it is excellent stuff!

Gobo personally was my favorite fraggle. I loved that guy!

Kawamoto said...

I just have people looking for "joyce dewitt nude" coming to my 'blog... never any fraggle cock. Strangely, one of my friends was turned on by Martha Stewart's shoulders.

Honey Bunny said...

that's hysterical!

Anonymous said...

I was always stangely excited by Red.
That fraggle was a girl, right?

I feel I have said too much.


Big Ben said...

I love fraggle rock. Not enought to brab a fraggle cock.

If you google "Sexual Architect" my blog comes up!

Chris said...

I had a dream that Martha Stewart wrote me a letter after kicking me out of bed. "Dear Chris, I'm sorry your talents were not fully appreciated. You just didn't measure up. Sincerely, Martha Stewart.

Karlos said...

That Coldplay shit is funny! It always amazes me how people can get so passionate about people who don't give a shit about them.

Vegas Princess said...

Oh you know Red was getting her freak come she was the only girl, like Smurfette? And what was up with that talking trash heap??

Maybe I should start talking about Martha Stewart's butt....

Chance said...

Eeny meeny, miney mock
Grab a fraggle by its cock...

and so forth?

scott c said...

My comments increased like 500%, AMG. Not that I'm that awesome, just that I didn't receive that many comments before black Tuesday.

Wasn't Mokey also a female (fraglette?)? Sure in a more androgenous, bohemian, grunge chick sort of way, but still female right? Right? And NO I didn't find her hotter than Red.