Monday, March 13, 2006

A Collection of Quotes from This Weekend, or Why I Love My Friends.

"You're mad that your stripper was unreliable?" (pause) "Um, duh?"

"I'm a non-practicing atheist."

"Ha! He registered for beer for their wedding shower?" (turning to his fiancee) "Honey, when we do that, I'm registering for underage Asian strippers!"
(Her response) "Good luck. I don't think they sell those at Target."

"I'm going to tell my parents I became a Hasidic Jew so later I can be like, just kidding! I'm just Episcopalian."

"Sam turned me off of Jesus forever."

"I know how to drink and handle it. I was in rehab, remember?"

"It's the first step!! The FIRST STEP!!"
(Response) "The first step to what?"
"The first step to....the second step."

"I love you, man, and I'm not just saying that because I'm drunk. I'm saying that because I love you and I want to stick it in your ass."

"Yeah, so I gained a few pounds this semester..."
(Response) "No you didn't. You just got FAT."

"No, I don't need a ride home. If I get pulled over, I'll just throw up on him."

"Can you smoke pot while you're pregnant or would that be bad?"

"I'm hungry. I wish there was a place where you could just drive up and get food, like through a window. Yeah, that'd be awesome."

"So when you go to register for the wedding presents, they give you this little gun that you just use to point to the things that you want, and..."
(Interrupting) "Wait, what??? They give you a gun? Isn't that a little dangerous?"

11 comments:

hannah said...

Yes, yes you can smoke pot whilst pregnant. In the late 70s and early 80s it was not uncommon for doctors to suggest that women, within the first trimester, aleviate the problems of morning sickness by tokin' a doob.

Anonymous said...

wow that sounds so vaguely familiar to my weekend...

;-)

scott c said...

I bet you could have had a lot more sweet quotes had you gone to the bbq on Sunday (in the snow)...
sc.

Vegas Princess said...

I can't stop laughing over the driving up to a window to get food comment. It reminds me of when my friend turned to me and said wouldn't it be nice if there was a place where you didn't have to make your bed every day or clean up after yourself, it would all be done for you. Where you could even get food delivered to you. I looked her straight in the eye and said check into a hotel or the looney bin, the service is probably about the same.

browser58 said...

I hope there was more than a little alcohol preceeding some of the comments.

I worry about who will support social security when I retire.

Robert said...

"So when you go to register for the wedding presents, they give you this little gun that you just use to point to the things that you want, and..."

What do you do if you want the gun?

AlRo said...

those are hilarious: my personal fave :

"I love you, man, and I'm not just saying that because I'm drunk. I'm saying that because I love you and I want to stick it in your ass."

-- reminds me of a drummer that i used to play with. He was famous for his own interpretation of what "Love" is.

He'd say..

"Difference between love and like... If you love her, you'll spit on her ass before you stick it in .. if you just like her.. don't bother lubin' it - just do it!"

Yip - he was italian.. but funny as hell..

Chris said...

Damn. That sounds like a fun weekend. Can I come over next time?

Shmorg said...

I heard a great one this weekend. Two of my friends were talking about how great "butt sex" is with there girlfriends. Out of nowhere our other friend, who isn't even part of the conversation, sitting, watching tv, says, and I quote, "I can see myself being gay."
Let's just say it was a conversation killer.

JoeyJoJoJo said...

Wow, see!?!? That's why I miss you guys, all the stimulating conversation....I know for sure who it was that said some of those things!!

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