Wednesday, March 15, 2006

Is There an Internet Addicts Anonymous?

My life stopped today. That is, the network - and therefore the internet - was down at work. Meaning that not only could I not complete any of my work, but no mindless internet browsing to ward off boredom. The first few minutes weren't bad, but you can only play so many losing games of Solitare (and later Minesweeper) before you slowly go crazy.

"I know!" you think (as me). "I'll check out some of the 'Lost' forums while I wait, letting my immense inner dorkiness run wild." Oh, right. The internet is not accessible. Never mind.

"That's okay!" you brighten. "I have that package I need to mail. I'll run to the post office!" Um, except you need the internet to find which one is the closest.

"Okaaaay...," you think. "Oh. I will make my car payment!" You go to pull up a browser window, then remember. No go.

You play another game of Solitare and lose again. You switch to FreeCell, only to realize you don't know how to play, the directions don't make sense, and your strategy of randomly clicking on cards doesn't seem to be making anything progressive happen. You close the game and stare blankly at your useless computer.

"Ah," you remember. "I have that Sudoku book in my desk!" You whip it out, finish the puzzle you were working on, and flip to the next one. Only...there is no next one. That was the last puzzle in the book.

"I should totally blog about this, seeing as this is the most interesting thing to happen to me in the past few months, and for once I'm actually having somewhat clever thoughts about what I could post," you think. You excitedly go to open the internet. "Oh...that's right. No internet."

You sit dejectedly for a second, then decide that the lack of internet can't keep this blogger down! You open a Word document and start typing. When you're done, you realize retrospectively that your thoughts were not all that clever, and debate not saving it. However, saving it is at least something to do. So you do.

When your less-than-mediocre post is saved, you sit back. You tidy your desk. You contemplate going home, but you need the money. Then, you laugh delightedly."Ha! Walgreens! I can't believe I've been sitting here, reduced to cleaning off my desk, when WALGREENS is waiting for me just across the street!"

You go to Walgreens and buy dozens of completely unnecessary but wonderful items, such as a backrest neck massager (only $5!) that only kind of works. Walgreens, you remember, is great. "It's no coincidence that both Walgreens and wonderful start with a 'w'!" you think giddily. You thank God that there isn't a Target within walking distance, or else all of your rent money would have just gone down the drain.

Back at work, you try to open an IE window (no Firefox here, folks!). And it's. still. down. So you shoot yourself in the head. At least it's something to do.

Finally, at 3 p.m., six hours after it first went down, it's up.

God bless the freaking internet. However did I ever live without thee?

15 comments:

kate said...

Oh yes- been there, done that.

Last time it happened, we all looked at each other with a really pathetic lost look in our eyes- never mind the fact that our entire business is internet based.

We figured out a really good solution- Go to the bar next door and drink until we went back online.

~The Goofy Ass Chick said...

God have I been there. I'm totally addicted to the Internets.

scott c said...

I'm not addicted. I can quit anytime I want.

Right after I check my email 10,000 times and all the blogs I read 10 times (you never know, they might get updated five minutesa after the last time I checked).
sc.

Paladin said...

a.) Girl, I CAN'T BELIEVE you don't know how to play Freecell, or at least did not go the great games of Spider Solitare or something.

b.) I also can't believe you did not think about Walgreens earlier, or Scooters, or the bread store, or the other cool stuff surrounding your office.

c.) THIS is what PDAs are for- read a book, watch a movie, play a game, etc. while appearing to work.

d.) The first step is to admit you have a problem...

Saulosi said...

Gawd I wish we had internet at work. Instead I'm gone 12 hours a day and have to make up for it by spending 6 hours in front of the computer when I get home, leaving me a partial 6-hours to sleep, during which time I will invariably get up at some point to pee... and check my email, and your blog, and the news, and to play a quick game of bejeweled...

Seeya in a bit.

Roonie said...

Walgreens and wonderful. That was priceless.

But um, honey, what kind of job do you do (without too many details, of course)? Your boss just lets you cavort around town while the internet is down? There was absolutely nothing at all that could be done (workwise) while the internet was down? I mean, I think I am envious then. Because I think I may want your job.

Roonie said...

P.S. - AMG, take up spider solitaire. It's totally fun.

hanmee said...

1) We DO have a big Target right downstairs from our office. It's horrible (awesome) as I spend so much freakin' money there.

2) The last time the Internet went down here, I went home. (Well, the electricity was on low power as well so my excuse was I couldn't hook up my breast pump because it wouldn't suction at a high enough power - TMI I know.) Funny thing is, I hardly touch the internet at home. Home = TV.

browser58 said...

That is why you need to sneak in a copy SIMS to run on your computer. You may not have a life without the internet, but at least your SIMS do.

Brianne said...

I feel your pain. My entire boredom-ridden day is centered around the internet... I don't know what I'd do without it. I bring books so I don't feel like a culture-less moron staring at a computer screen all day, but the book usually lays off to the side ignored while I check blogs, MySpace, my favorite sites and shop online. Oh the power it has over us all.

DIAMONDKT said...

I can relate to this. Isn't it pretty scary how much we need the net to live? Maybe it's nicknamed "net" because it's like a safety net in life! Ahh deep thoughts. See, the net is always there to catch you. Thank God your net has your back again after 6 hours of slacking.

Julie_Gong said...

I think not having the internet is worse than only having one leg and having to hop every where you go. Really. I'm being serious.

The Muse said...

Yay for Walgreens!
Did you know on their NYSE letters are "WAG"? That was my contribution to trivia last night! Again, I say, "Yay for Walgreens!"

Vegas Princess said...

Sounds like when my boss declared the Interent to be off limits to anything not work related. I thought I was going to kill myself not being able to catch up on my blogs or read about random AOL facts that scroll on my screen when I log in.

What ever did we do without the Internet? I can't even think back that far...

Zepplinlady said...

I totally love this post! I'm late to comment but felt the need being that i lost my connection last night & was just re-connected 15 mins. ago. I was so distraught today at work.(so addicted)

I came straight home and got on the phone with tech support...I can breathe again!! I KNOW, sad isn't it...LOL Perhaps I should post about it, hmmmmmmmm....