Is There an Internet Addicts Anonymous?

My life stopped today. That is, the network - and therefore the internet - was down at work. Meaning that not only could I not complete any of my work, but no mindless internet browsing to ward off boredom. The first few minutes weren't bad, but you can only play so many losing games of Solitare (and later Minesweeper) before you slowly go crazy.

"I know!" you think (as me). "I'll check out some of the 'Lost' forums while I wait, letting my immense inner dorkiness run wild." Oh, right. The internet is not accessible. Never mind.

"That's okay!" you brighten. "I have that package I need to mail. I'll run to the post office!" Um, except you need the internet to find which one is the closest.

"Okaaaay...," you think. "Oh. I will make my car payment!" You go to pull up a browser window, then remember. No go.

You play another game of Solitare and lose again. You switch to FreeCell, only to realize you don't know how to play, the directions don't make sense, and your strategy of randomly clicking on cards doesn't seem to be making anything progressive happen. You close the game and stare blankly at your useless computer.

"Ah," you remember. "I have that Sudoku book in my desk!" You whip it out, finish the puzzle you were working on, and flip to the next one. Only...there is no next one. That was the last puzzle in the book.

"I should totally blog about this, seeing as this is the most interesting thing to happen to me in the past few months, and for once I'm actually having somewhat clever thoughts about what I could post," you think. You excitedly go to open the internet. "Oh...that's right. No internet."

You sit dejectedly for a second, then decide that the lack of internet can't keep this blogger down! You open a Word document and start typing. When you're done, you realize retrospectively that your thoughts were not all that clever, and debate not saving it. However, saving it is at least something to do. So you do.

When your less-than-mediocre post is saved, you sit back. You tidy your desk. You contemplate going home, but you need the money. Then, you laugh delightedly."Ha! Walgreens! I can't believe I've been sitting here, reduced to cleaning off my desk, when WALGREENS is waiting for me just across the street!"

You go to Walgreens and buy dozens of completely unnecessary but wonderful items, such as a backrest neck massager (only $5!) that only kind of works. Walgreens, you remember, is great. "It's no coincidence that both Walgreens and wonderful start with a 'w'!" you think giddily. You thank God that there isn't a Target within walking distance, or else all of your rent money would have just gone down the drain.

Back at work, you try to open an IE window (no Firefox here, folks!). And it's. still. down. So you shoot yourself in the head. At least it's something to do.

Finally, at 3 p.m., six hours after it first went down, it's up.

God bless the freaking internet. However did I ever live without thee?