Friday, April 21, 2006

Someone Please Lift Me for a Keg Stand, Quick!

Okay, I am getting a bit scared I may be....(gulp)....maturing. It is gorgeous, gorgeous, gorgeous out, and I want nothing more than to go lay out and start tanning so I have a deep, dark glow by the time summer rolls around....but I'm not.

I've blogged about my love for tanning before, and nothing's changed. I still love the feeling of the sun warming my body all over, the smell of coconut tanning oil, the look of my body when it's all brown and smooth and sleek, but for the first time ever, I'm a little scared to do it. I am actually considering the future and the likelihood of skin cancer and melanoma and such. I went tanning last week, and actually felt guilty as I was laying there. This is absolutely UNHEARD OF. Thinking of future consequences for your actions today? This is most certainly not the AMG we all know and love. What the hell is going on here?

Whatever it is, I hope it clears up by June. I have a cute bikini that just won't look right in a pasty-ass, non-golden body.



P.S. Holy shit, three posts in one week? What is this, Christmas? Ya'll are some lucky fucks, you are.

31 comments:

Boobless Brigade Master said...

Well, let me just throw a positive/negative spin on tanning for you.

I grew up in southern FL. Worshipped the sun on a daily basis. Had several suspicious moles removed over the years...all benign. Moved to the Midwest mid-20's...cut out the sun altogether, (not that there's much of it here to start with), for the same exact reason(s) you just mentioned.

Until...last year. I received a free one time tan coupon for a local tannery and realized that I hadn't been tan in almost 9 years! I thought, 'what to hell am I thinking?' So, off I go to the tanning booth. Loved the instant result. Which led to...must.require.more. Which led to a signed year contract.

Now...I have never sunbathed in the nude before (sorry if that's TMI!)...but tanning beds make it soooo easy to do so. Loved the whole no tan lines deal!

One month into the year contract,I stop in for a tan session after work. While rubbing coconut lotion all over...some drips down my breast...which makes my breast itch...which makes me scratch the itchy breast...at which time I found the lump in my breast.

So yeah...on one hand, tanning is very, very bad.
On the other hand, thanks to tanning, it was caught before it got to stage 4.
Riddle me that Batman!?!?!

Chixulub said...

Bright lights! Bright lights! Ahhhhhhhh

I could spend winters in Alaska for all the joy the sun brings me...

Vegas Princess said...

We are very lucky!

I am in the same boat. I love, LOVE being tan. I feel like a white ghost in the winter. but moving out to the desert has made me more aware of my skin and I have begun to wonder what I will look like in ten years. It has taken all the fun out of laying outside.

Neil said...

It certainly is a drag getting older and doing boring mature stuff. I can feel for and your need to tan. I know I'm not as fast as I used to be, so I might not go running with the bulls in Spain this year.

Well, there's always smoking and getting drunk.

~The Goofy Ass Chick said...

I love being tan too. I almost always go to the tanning bed this time of year to get "my base" down before it's time to actually spend time in the sun. It's so much easier to do the 5 minute exposure each day for a week than go on vacation and get cooked like a damn lobster.

I'm 29. I'm having the same reservations. I guess it does come with age. Suddenly, the "that won't happen to me" shit is over as you see a couple fine lines forming or plucking out your first grey hair. IT SUCKS.

I just bought a big ol' bottle of that Jergins Natural Glow lotion. It has a god awful smell a couple hours after putting it on, but it does work.

Mr. Furious said...

Man, I like pasty girls.

Bill_00 said...

On the one hand...I definately wouldn't recommend going for tanning beds....on the other.....actually I have no real thing to say on my other hand...

We're living in a world of fear...and, of course, I'll feel like a huge pile of shit should anything bad actually happen....but to me...natural sun > sunbeds....if you wanna be tanned....don't go for the beds option...

Thérèse said...

Hmmmm...

I'm suddenly reminded of the very scary Magda in "There's something about Mary." That's the future baby. Scary.

Don't panic though. Breathe. It'll be okay. It's like Neil said: There's always smoking and getting drunk, thankfully.

Fiew!

Brianne said...

I feel exactly the same way. I was talking to a doctor (not in an office setting though) the other day and he was talking about how people getting skin cancer are just younger and younger... I went through a period where I tanned every day. Every stinkin' day. And I have fair skin so I burn easily. I've had some bad ones. So I am completely freaked out that I will get skin cancer.

But - I know this isn't great for swimming (or sweating) but Victoria's Secret has this great looking lotion. It's non-permanent tanning lotion so the moment you get it the tiniest bit wet it'll smear but it looks fabulous, it's shimmery and it smells good. A good size bottle is only $10. It's worth checking out.

MEP said...

I've been going throught the same guilt this year. I always operated under the principle that since I was a redhead that COULD tan I should to represent (b/c most redheads burn and are really fair skinned). But this year, I've stopped going to beds year round.

I tried the jergen's lotion - ugg. Horrible smell. I've started using this hawaiian tropic lotion that smells better and works really well. Twice a week means I have a healthy glow, but no tanning bed skin cancer risks. Gulp. Growing up is weird.

Greg said...

Wow, this is the best birthday ever!

I'm more of a spray-tan person myself, but lately I've been trying this sunless tan moisturizing lotion. It's not really working though... it just makes me smell like tanning stuff.

And I'm with mr. furious, pasty can be hot.

me said...

sunless tanner! yay!

less cancer!

i lurve to tan and of course being from an island bronze is expected but even though i'm mixed i burn and peel. bastard sun. i'm going to try to remain alabaster perhaps

EDDIE said...

Born in scotland we only relly saw the sun on postcards so it wasnt till i moved to the south of england that the sun became a problem. When your so pale that you burn in the shade you notice that every year gets tougher so its not only an age thing its also an increasing strength uv/ sun thin . stay in the caves

Lynn said...

yeah, i used to tan when i was younger (i.e. early 20's) but now i havent the time for it and i'm afraid my pasty white skin would spontaneously combust if it went out into the sun without a base of some kind.

i've had miraculous luck with L'Oreal's Sublime Tan stuff... sunless tanner, that goes on as a lotion, and you do it overnight and it's fabulous, no gross smell, no weird spots where it's all dark or anything(though they do warn you on the bottle to be sparing around any bony parts like knees).

LotusKnits said...

AMG ~ We are so to be friends. Come tan with me. I do it about one whole month every year, and that's it. Oh, and I'll pluck your brows. :D

Gordy said...

Don't do it, we all want to see your cute tanned body and small bikini..pleeeeeaaasse!

mysterygirl! said...

"Luckily" for me, since I turned 22 (5 years ago!) I've started to get a terrible poison-ivy-looking rash whenever I spend extended time in the sun. Bummer. Too bad I have already burned myself in my youth enough that I'll probably still age prematurely... it sucks, because I love to spend time at the beach/pool.

Why don't you just lay out a teeny bit and then use sunless tanner? Everything in moderation, they say...

hannah said...

I just want to make you jealous by saying that I have never once in my life had sunburn.

Thank you Italian heritage and my year-round perma-tan!

Autumn said...

hi,

thanks for stopping by my site :)

there's always sunless tanning cream...

Chris said...

Um, at the risk of seeming excessively purile, we'll get to see you in the bikini whether you tan or not, right? ;)

JoeyJoJoJo said...

Noooooo!!! Say it ain't so! I have cut back my smoking from a pack a day to about a pack a week....haven't even had one today. Apparently the surgeon general has some kind of warning out about tobacco......

Gadfly said...

I feel like such a lucky fuck.

Anybody else?

;-)

Ebal said...

Moderate sun is ok because it gives you Vitamin e and c. It is actualy good for you.. But To much sun is bad for you...Salem Ebal

Whozfan said...

This reminds me of being in jr.high and in summer we would go peek thru fences and trees and occasionally find the high school girls sunbathing topless. What a treat for a junior high boy. Oh Yea.. ps. I do hope you remain healthy for life.

Weary Hag said...

Reading this reminded me of a time long ago when I first started to give a shit about my future. It seemed like a scary thing indeed, but you know what? Now I'm LIVIN in that future and let me tell you, it IS a scary thing. Everything in moderation. That's my motto now.

LocuTus of Borg said...

More than likely if you have sun damage ... its already occurred. So soak it up!! ;)

Cuba Journal said...

Naked Skydiving! That sounds like fun. Can I come and watch?

Heather B said...

I too adore the sunshine, tanning, the smell of lotion - the whole works.

I figure I am going to go one day right, may as well be tan at the time :)

AstonWest said...

Fortunately, my body wasn't made for tanning...

But speaking of being mature, I think I can say as long as I still keep loving spoofs like below, I won't have to worry about it anytime soon...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V9rzMaAucI4

Brianne said...

Pasty CAN be hot - just look at Nicole Kidman.

DIAMONDKT said...

Maybe you should just rub some of that sunless tanning cream on your butt. Then not only will you have a tan butt, but also a wrinkle free/sun spot free/cancer free bottom as well!

The only downside, I think those creams can get streaky...and you do know what a brown streak on your butt with look like, right? Ahem. Not sexy.