Wednesday, October 25, 2006

Most Poetic Spam Email Ever?

(It helps to imagine this being read aloud in a darkened hipster coffeehouse, a la Charlie McKenzie...."Woman! Woe-man! Whooooa-man! She was a thief, you gotta believe, she stole my heart and my cat!")

To: XXXXXXX@yahoo.com
From: xghlysas@sbcglobal123.com
Subject: Must read! Important!
A vacuum cleaner brainwashes a stovepipe near a particle accelerator, because the insurance agent is a big fan of the vacuum cleaner beyond a vacuum cleaner. An anomaly brainwashes a feline nation. A Eurasian avocado pit satiates the diskette of the line dancer. Furthermore, a cargo bay inside a grand piano feels nagging remorse, and a turkey around a bottle of beer operates a small fruit stand with an umbrella for a globule. When you see a cosmopolitan cowboy, it means that the diskette earns frequent flier miles.

A Eurasian avocado pit satiates the diskette of the line dancer? A cargo bay inside a grand piano feels nagging remorse? Poetry in motion, my friends. This is no less than the work of the T.S. Eliot, the Walt Whitman of spam.

And I was commanded to write about how awesome movie night is going to be tonight. So be warned: the level of awesomeness experienced by those attending tonight's movie night is to exceed the awesomeness of any other themed night ever experienced by anyone in the history of themed nights.

9 comments:

Amaya said...

Any fan of "So I Married An Axe Murderer" is a blogger I will continue to read.

roonie said...

Why the hell haven't you been posting?

Sorry for the tone. I miss you.

Neil said...

Maybe spam writing is the best place for poets to get well-paying jobs.

Mr. Toast said...

Way out, big daddy-o. That is like, cool, man. I can dig it. (Thank you; I haven't had occasion to use those phrases for years!)

I wish I got creative spam like this. It would certainly be more entertaining than what I receive now, which typically start with "Please you women for hours en bed tonite with Super V1@gr@!!!!!", etc. Poetic, like not.

Glad to see you back, BTW. You've been missed!

Melinda said...

I'm with Amaya. That movie rocks!

My spam is never that interesting - it's always telling me I've won the lottery. Which would be interesting, except it's never true ;)

nice to see you posting again...

Gadfly said...

Apparently, no one told the spammer not to mix acid and crystal meth.

Internal Expert said...

I can't believe you read your spam emails! That is SO cool! :)

Essien said...

Where have you been all my life? (Obviously in some averaged mid-sized city in mid-west US of A) Who are you? Well, you're now "the cats meaw". I'm tuning in to read with the other some odd thousand followers you've amased.

MrCorey said...

As you know of my huge affection for spammers (must die!!!), this has been an entertaining post. I don't read anything that I think is spam so I am missing out on such great fodder for the Saturday night bake fest. Perhaps I should change my ways...