Friday, February 16, 2007

In Other News, I am the Father of Anna Nicole's Baby.

Shit. Shit, shit, shit. Shit on a stick. Shit crackers.


A few days ago, it was slick out, and I slid into the person in front of me at a stop light. We got out, appraised the damage, and mutually decided that there wasn't much, if anything. The bumper of his car had a small white scrape across the back of it, and it looked like snow and salt from my car had transferred to his - I rubbed it a little, and it seemed to be coming off nicely. No cracks, no dents, no bumpers falling off. We exchanged contact information "just in case" (and I quote him there). A few days pass, and it completely falls from my mind since minor accidents like that are super common in slick weather, and I hadn't heard from him, and besides, we both agreed that it didn't look like there was any damage.

Except then today he called* and he wants $515 for a new bumper**. Do I just want to pay it or would I like him to go through my insurance? Would I like to pay him an arm or a leg? Would I like him to fuck me up the ass with our without lube?

Fucking snow.

*I googled his number when he called, and dude owns a law firm. Just sayin'.

**I know this is about right for a new bumper, but seriously? A whole new bumper for one small scrape?


Brandon said...

a few weeks back, a guy's tire fell of his car and tore off my sideview mirror. he was a young kid, looked broke and was just genuinely sorry, so i said, 'forget it. i can fix it.'

honestly, i'm a HUGE believer in karma, and i KNOW that creating major insurance headaches out of minor auto scrapes only results in cosmic herpes. i'm going to think good thoughts about this guy when he gets his new bumper, because whatever eventually happens to him, it's bound to have 'itchy redness, occasional discharge' as a side effect.

also, guys who can't fix minor dents are charity cases. i would see if your insurance settlement is tax deductible.

Karlos said...

What a jerkoff!

As for your choices... You can always recover from a lubeless butt pummeling, but you can't grow back arms or legs. What's the worst that could happen anyway? Colostomy bag? That could be fun! Plus, you could have one custom built to double as a flask for concerts or sporting events. I mean, who’s gonna check a colostomy bag for contraband anyway?

Oh're analogizing. Damn it all anyway! Me hate when I stoopid. ;-)

Sandra said...

You know he's not really gonna get a new bumper with that money either.

mysterygirl! said...

I don't know much about insurance stuff and how much your rates would go up, but I wouldn't start just paying some dude and going on faith that that's the last you'll hear of the situation. I'd probably give him the insurance info and see if he goes through the trouble to file the claim. But like I said, I have no idea what the rate hike would be, compared to a one-time payout.

Hanmee said...

Well, that sounds a bit crazy to me, but perhaps not out of the realm of possibility depending on the damage.

A few years ago, I (my car) got rearended. A car hit the car behind me and I got bumped. And I mean BUMPED. If I had been at fault, I wouldn't have gotten it fixed. I wouldn't have even worried otherwise except the car that was behind me had MAJOR damage and was going to file the claim.

That triangle chip of paint cost $300+.

Are you very worried about a hike in rates? Only if you're not, I'd almost say go with the insurance so things are on the up and up, and he can't claim issues later on.

MrCorey said...

This wanktard sounds just like one I encountered a few years ago. Poor baby had leased the vehicle and was worried that he wouldn't get to give it back without penalty. It was barely a scrape (nut holding on my licence plate scraped). A $6 tube of touch up paint would have fixed the scratch about 300 times with the amount of paint in it. The claim was $350 for that piece of crap. The reason is because the dealers can't fix anything. They simply order a new part.

That's what your new acquaintance is having done. Little does he know that HIS insurance will go up now as well.

If they want to exchange the info "just in case", then they're gonna claim, as they're stupid and short-sighted and deserve a good humbling.

Most importantly, I'm glad that you're alright (despite that growing suction-like hole developing in your pocketbook).

Thomas, the retarded monkey said...

Um, "With lube"?

TSM-terrifically superiorily mediocre said...

Wanktard. HEHEHEHE!

Never a good sign when the guy runs a law firm.

You want I should tawlk to 'im? Mebbe I cood con-vince 'im?

make-root-beer said...

As you're growing up as a teenager, there are a number of things that you look forward to; getting your drivers

license, graduating from high school, going to your senior prom, having your first date and having your first beer.

The problem with this last one is that the drinking age and the thing you want make it something that you just can't

have yet. And still, you want it and will go to any lengths to get it.

Underage beer drinking is certainly no secret and to try to sweep it under the carpet isn't going to make it go

away. But the most odd thing about underage drinking when it comes to beer is that even after kids sneak their first

beer, they still want to have another one. If you're wondering why that sounds so strange then you need to think

back to when YOU had your first beer. It was pretty nasty tasting. Let's be honest, beer is bitter and is an

acquired taste. Very few people, if any at all, enjoyed their first beer. Many even get sick after it because of the

taste or the fact that they're not used to the alcohol yet.

Kadonkadonk said...

I think I want to marry brandon - or at least if I ever get into a minor accident, I want it to be with him...

The Muse said...

Um, yeah. I had the same thing happen to me, except I was the one that was hit. It was a little more convoluted than that (there was an injury to my passenger, the crazy rearender left the scene of the accident after she'd given me her contact info), but what appeared to be no damage other than a scratch to my bumper, turned out to require a new bumper.

When she hit me, the bumper (a fiberglass, plasticy one) caved in and bounced back, so it looked like no problem. However, along the driver's side, there is a crack in seam of the bumper where the plastic popped. Its not a cosmetic thing, either - the bumper is now considered a hazard.

And when I decided to file? Well, not only did the woman flee the scene of the accident, she also didn't have any insurance. Bleh.

Em said...

Good thing you'll be getting all that inheritance money!! :)

Aliecat said...

I doubt your rate will go up with a claim that's less than a grand...unless this isn't the first claim on your insurance. Companies usually don't raise rates on that amount of money as it's chump change to them. I'd just have him file a claim.

roonie said...

I agree, he is an asshole - a whole new bumper for what, exactly? But if you were the one who had been hit, with your new(ish) lil' baby bearing the scars, I think it'd be a completely different story! I know I'd be screaming bloody hell for a new bumper, too.

Calitri said...

Hey AMG,

The whole pay him or insurance thing totally depends on your deductible. Obviously, if you had a $500 deductible, you'd probably want to pay him out of pocket to make sure the insurance company doesn't screw you with a rate hike. They can be ass fuckers too, depending. If your deductible is a hundred bucks it might make sense to go through insurance as long as your driving record is clean and you haven't been in any accidents lately (your fault or theirs).

If you decide to pay out of pocket, ask him to mail/fax/carrier pigeon you a copy of the estimate so you can see that he's really going to use the money to fix the car and not just pocket some easy cash. If you pay him directly, you may want to make up some kind of receipt to prove you've paid him and so he can't file a claim with your insurance company later. Personally, I'd ask if I could pay the body shop directly for him. That way you have third party proof of payment and there's no way he's pocketing the money.

Either way, good luck. I don't think your rates would go up either way but you never know.

:phil: said...

$515 sounds like enough for an new
i-Phone or Blackberry (or dingleberry as the case may be)

Glad you weren't hurt

Q:How many lawyer jokes are there?
A:Three, the rest are true.

scumbag lawyers

Hanmee said...

I'm going to have to "second" the comment about the initial damage seeming not so bad only to turn out bad.

I went out to my car one morning to find the back passenger door dented in, and a "nice" dirty shoe print in the door. This irritated the crap out of me, but I figured it was fairly cosmetic so I wasn't going to call my insurance company.

A friend has one of those suction/remove-a-dent items and it takes a lot of the dent out. Cool.

Zoom ahead a few years. I am getting an estimate on the car because hubby was in an accident. While I am there, I get estimate on the door, figuring a few hundred bucks. Well, turns out the damage is more complicated than it looks. I get this detailed explanation and it turns out to be $1500 worth of damage.

Needless to say, that dent is still there...

Mombi said...

I say you reply and say that you'd be happy to pay the shop directly who does the work. And you should ask for several estimates.