Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Excuse Me, But Your Bush is Showing.

In response to my anti-American, pro-terrorist post below, I received an email from someone who was truly shocked that I dared not support AMERICA, but rather those asswipe French traitors, by continuing to use the phrase "French Fries":

(This is verbatim)
"you should be sent to cuba with all the other terrorists. If you don't support Bush you don't support AMERICA. How can you even keep using the word french on AMERICAN soil that our people spilled blood on? The french are all traiters. Our four fathers fought for your freedom with their lifes and you are just dissmissing it. You discust me and all true AMERICANS everywhere. AMERICA is the greatest most free country in the world and you are lucky to live here. You might as well have bombed us yourself if you don't want to support AMERICA."

Sir, you have convinced me to turn my back on my liberal, free-thinking, brainwashed ways. You have shown me the light. You have shown me an incredible ignorance of spelling, grammar, and punctuation. But that's the AMERICAN way! Yay public schools!

So, as of today, I am renouncing anything French. But the "freedom" thing is so done. It's old news. So instead of "freedom," I will be using the phrase "liberté." JUST KIDDING. That's French for "freedom" and would be like a kick in the vag to AMERICA. Are we far enough removed from our hostilities with Japan that I could use the word "ninja"? Because that would be pretty sweet. Or "douche" could be fun. But probably the best way to support AMERICA would be to use "Bush." As in our great leader, not the plant or the pubes.

Bush braid
Bush kiss
Bush toast
Bush bread
Bush vanilla ice cream
Bush twist
Bush maid
Cheese Bushie
Bush dressing
Bush horn
Pardon my Bush [heh]
Bush poodle
Bush manicure
Bush doors

Also, sir, let me know when you're going to tear down the Statue of Liberty. Because you know that's from the French, right?

26 comments:

Anonymous said...

I found your blog a few weeks ago and have been reading it religiously ever since. Hilarious.

jan said...

Love, love your bizarre sense of humor. I even risked the fires of hell to see the worst Valentine card. Thanks for visiting the Poodles and chicken. I will definitely be back.

Mombi said...

Every time I think that America isn't so bad... some jackass hillbilly tinkers out something like this. GO BACK TO "THE WALMART" WHERE YOU BELONG!!!

How can something make you hate life *AND* laugh so hard that your cheeks hurt at the same time?

pia said...

You are too funny. I will be back often also

Thanks for visiting my blog

BlogWhore said...

how come i don't get hate e-mails?

u r sooo lucky.

TSM-terrifically superiorily mediocre said...

I, who consider myself a conservative (and yes, a Bush supporter) ranked 39% on that quiz.

I'm quite honestly surprised that man could operate a computer to post or send you email. Impressive. I didn't know Crow Magnun man had computers.

scott c said...

Didn't he have a problem with our country having FOUR fathers? I thought them queers were just as bad as them terrorists.

Discusting.

dub said...

i will NOT pardon your bush.

Calitri said...

First off, I echo blogwhore in saying I'm jealous you get emails like this. I want one. Where do these people come from and how can I get one?

Next, who the hell are our "four fathers"? I don't know about you but I only have one dad. Me and my mates talked about it this morning and figured their mom must have gotten gang-banged and the paternity tests were ambiguous. We thought it should be the premise for the next great American sitcom.

Third, where is this "AMERICA"? Is there an all caps nation somewhere in the south pacific where everyone is yelling all the time? It sounds like an interesting place to visit but I think I stay I'll stay in America for now.

"Bush" is cool, but I think "ninja" rings true. How sweet would it be to eat a ninja fry, open a ninja door or kick a ninja poodle? And pardon my ninja? Hell yeah! Of course I'll pardon your ninja. He's a fucking ninja, how could I not.

tas said...

Try Frog in place of "french" that is what a lot of us Brits do.

I was wondering
1 What a traiter was?
2 How he could have Four fathers.
3 What he would do with the Francophone canadians, as french is their language and they live on American soil?
4 How many esses in Dismisses?
5 What on earth have the french done to him.
Not only did the french support the fledgling american in the war of independance, with uniforms and weapons.
They gifted you the Statue of Liberty.
They also provided uniforms and arms to both sides during the civil war.

Julie_Gong said...

'Pardon my Bush' but that guy is a total douche!

Hanmee said...

D-U-M-B-A-S-S

I had some other points, but they were covered very well by other commentators (particularly tas).

Chris said...

You are my new blog hero.

Viva Le AMG!

Or something. :)

Anonymous Midwest Girl said...

Anon, Jan, Pia - Awww, thanks. (blush)

Mombi - I know...doesn't it make you fear for our future?

BlogWhore - Just hate America a little more. They will come! If you hate them...they will come. Heh.

TSM - S'aright. You're still cool. Now if you were a 0%-er....I'd have to reconsider that. :)

Scott - Excellent point. Queers and French and America-hating, terrorist-loving bloggers all belong in Guatanamo.

Wendy - Haha, I LOVE that phrase.

Calitri - You get the "My favorite comment" award. All-around hilarious, but you really stuck it with the "Of course I'll pardon your ninja. He's a fucking ninja, how could I not?"

TAS - I do believe with that comment you just bitch-slapped the man. Excellent job.

Julie Gong and Hanmee - I concur. Dude is a dumbass douche.

Chris - we don't use the word VIVA around here. Stick with the English, please. Sheesh. Didn't I just go over this? ;)

Calitri said...

Thanks AMG. Quite an honor in deed. It only took me six hours, a pot of coffee, three percocets and a twelve pack of beer to come up with that line. Time well spent.

Kadonkadonk said...

I loved your comment too, Calitri, but the next great American sitcom can not be a knock off of 'My Two Dads'! Because that show was a classic.

Karlos said...

That is so fucking hilarious. I'm gonna send it around to a few friends (your link too).

Scary that there are people out there like that. I'm surprised he didn't hit me for my score!

Jenni said...

What did the French ever do to us? Or anyone for that matter?

In my opinion if EVERYONE were like the French we'd all be happy...a tad bit snoody,and drunk, but happy nonetheless.

LONG LIVE THE FRENCH!

Anonymous said...

Was just introduced to your site. Great! I'm an all-American girl; however, my mother's maiden name was Gervais & my grandmother's was LeBlanc. Yay for the frenchies! Where would America be without their support in the past? If we ony had their patience now. You go, girl!

Calitri said...

Actually, the next great American sitcom has to be a knock off of "My Two Dads" as decreed by Christ in his first letter to the Corinthians.

umbrellasong said...

Ya know who fought along with our "four fathers" to help ensure your freedom? The French! In fact, if it weren't for the French, we might all still be part of England!

Maybe this dumb arse should try reading up on the history of this country he supposedly loves so mcuh.

Oh, and, one other thing? When it comes to Iraq... the French were RIGHT and we were WRONG. I love how people like this guy never seems to remember that part.

NamesAreHardToPick said...

Has this person not seen the news lately. There were no weapons of mass destruction which I believe we were fighting the whole war for!

Off topic, but the Dixie Chicks are popular again. Looks like their "Bush-bashing" was called for. Their music still sucks though, but their views are right on.

Pubic Schools Rock said...

We might have had "four fathers" but little Dannielynn Smith (Anna Nichole Smith's daughter) has at least five. Viva la France as they say in Oklahoma.

Kawamoto said...

I'm not sure I can top any of these other commenters, but I'm glad to see that ignorance and hatred is still alive and well. Ya know, besides those Frenchies, I've never really trusted them Eyetalians. Get rid of anything Eyetalian. Those should be "Condi"-ments, like Condi Dressing, Condi Ice... etc.

*the verification word is kind of funny... smhkunt!

Chandira said...

Those hateful haters suck, don't they? Good point about the Statue of Liberty.. har har.. ;-)

Patriotism is spreading the love, surely, not the hate.

I'd rather have a country full of people like you, any day.

Sarah said...

That is some funny shit!!! Hahaha! I love it! You guys rock!