Thursday, May 18, 2006

How I Imagine My Mother's Conversations with People She Hasn't Seen in a While Go

"Oh, hi! So nice to see you again! Yeah, the family's great. Brother is going to be a junior this year, he's getting great grades and will be looking for his first job this summer. Youngest Sister graduated from high school this week, also with fantastic grades, and will be starting at State School next fall. She works at The Local Supermarket and keeps getting promotion after promotion! Middle Sister will be graduating from college in December, and after that will be entering LAW SCHOOL! I know, how exciting! We're very proud of her. She also works two jobs, so she's very busy.

"What? Oh, yes. We do have another daughter. Oldest Sister. [That would be me - AMG.] She...um...she's still in school. Yes, she did graduate high school in 1999. No, she's not going to be a doctor or a lawyer....no, I don't know what her problem is. No, no kids. No, she's not even married. She, um, she works. Yes. She works. We're...we're (cough) very proud of her too, of course."

21 comments:

Gadfly said...

Hey, at least you're not twirling on a brass pole wearing only a pair of catch-me-fuck-me pumps.

The glass is half full, damn it!

;o)

Chris said...

Exactly! What you're mom SHOULD be saying is, "Well... she's not stripping." That said, thanks for the imagery, Gadfly. ;)

Bah. There's more to life than academic/professional slavery and offspring. 10 years from now, when all the overachievers are taking 4 different kinds of prescription anti-psychotics just to get through the day, you'll have the last laugh. ;)

Anonymous said...

Hi, Mom's are just people too, I guess. They don't have any more of a clue then anyone else. My husband and I spent 7 years and thousands of dollars trying to get pregnant. We gave up about 2 years ago and it's taken all this time to come to grips with it all. No kids, we can now do what we want guilt free (we just got back from France and Italy). Today my Mom sends me an e-mail about a seminar to adopt children from 3rd world countries. Please Mom - drop it already!
L.

Paul said...

Um, why is your mom referring to her children as "Sister" and "Brother"? Just what part of the country is this?

Lynda said...

I think my parents feel the same way, but then I think that they are probably more proud of me than I give them credit for.

Michael Manning said...

Shock your friends! Tell them you are running away with Michael Manning to Hawaii for a much deserved vacation with an admirer! That'll get them thinking!!

Anonymous Midwest Girl said...

Gadfly/Chris - Hey, just because I don't talk about my second job as a stripper....

Anon/Lynda - Actually, my mom is truly the sweetest person in the world and would never say anything like this in real life. She's never indicated she's anything less than proud of me. This is more a manifestaion of my feelings of inadequecy than anything else.

Paul - Just protecting the innocent. :)

Michael - Your treat?

exile said...

my mom can't tell my brother and i apart.

in her defense she's usually drunk

Paladin said...

Lol! AMG- actually, the conversations go more like this...

"AMG? Oh, she works at A Major Corporation as an account exec... or something. She does something on the computer... I'm not really sure what except that she seems to be making more money than both of us together!"

However, *I* am going to tell THIS story for the next few years:

After AMG's sister's graduation, we decided to go to out for ice cream. En route, AMG got lost.

This is not that abnormal for AMG (I'd buy her a car navigation system if I made as much money as she did!), but the graduation (held in the same place SHE graduated from) and the ice cream parlor (that we have all been to before) were on the SAME STREET- albeit a few miles apart... but they are even on the same SIDE of the same street!

Julie_Gong said...

That converstation sounds very familiar...

Chris said...

Yeah, but you're a blog diva. You got that going for you.

LocuTus of Borg said...

I'm proud of you AMG!! :) You bring sunshine to blogland!

scott c said...

My Mom always brags about me. It's because I'm special. Just thought I'd share.
sc.

Gadfly said...

Naaaa...

You can't fool me. If you were moonlighting as a stripper, there would be more skin on this blog.

And the swimsuit picks buried in the archives don't count (but I bet I've just sent people in to look them up ;o)

Chris said...

With regard to your comment about feeling inadequate, AMG, I think all of us feel the same to some degree. I know I do. I'm always amazed when I hear my parents talk about how proud they are of me. I guess that old chestnut about being your own worst critic isn't so far off the mark.

Mr. Toast said...

Hey, you know a good adult entertainer (they hate being called strippers) at one of the better clubs can make, like a grand or two a night.

I'm just saying.

Chixulub said...

First of all, stripping is work you guys. That's why strippers get paid, because a hot chick like AMG coming in with her boyfriend is the huge exception to a day spent squeezing fat, juicy, lonely men between their legs in their underwear.

Gross. I'm throwing up in my mouth a little, just thinking about it.

Sexy Lexi said...

My mom brags on me to everyone, and it drives me nuts. If only my life were as impressive as a stripper's.

DIAMONDKT said...

Aww, you're too hard on yourself.

I'm sure Mom would mention your highly successful blog! ;)

hanmee said...

I'm an only child so I missed out being compared to my siblings.

Fortunately, my mom made up (and makes up) for this by telling me how so-and-so's kid is going to this school and now has this job and makes this much money and has this house, etc.

To be fair to her, I guess it must suck to have the underachiever of the group.

hanmee said...

oh, and that part about squeezing fat juicy men makes me vomit too :/